Sticks and Stones
by Veep
Summary: Sam is injured and her team must help her recover. My eventual goal is to explain the on again and off again relationship between Jack and Sam. NOW COMPLETE!
1. Default Chapter

Sticks and Stones Chapter 1:  
  
Sam was the first one through the gate. With her gun raised, she began checking for trouble before Daniel and Teal'c had a chance to finish the trip through the gate. Jack had given them another meet and greet mission since he was still getting use to letting them go out without him.  
  
"Alright Daniel, which way to that small village we saw on the UVA footage?" Sam knew the answer but she still felt obligated to ask. Jack had always asked so she figured it just felt right to do the same thing.  
  
"Northwest about three clicks." Sam took the lead and Teal'c took the rear position. Daniel would alternate trying to engage each of them in conversation. He found it had become harder to break Sam's concentration since she had become a Lt. Colonel and accepted command of SG-1.  
  
They had been traveling for twenty minutes when Sam signaled for them to stop. She looked at Teal'c and using only his eyes he let her know he had also heard movement in the trees. They all crouched low. Sam and Teal'c were looking for cover while keeping their eyes peeled for visitors. Daniel was trying to look in every direction at once.  
  
Two men dressed in what appeared to be forest green and dark brown uniforms stepped out from behind a large tree that resembled a long-leaf pine. Sam and Teal'c both turned their weapons towards the men. Daniel slowly stood, after wordlessly getting Sam's permission, and began his howdy speech.  
  
"I'm Daniel and this is Sam and Teal'c. We came through the stargate. We want to be friends." As Daniel spoke men on horses came out of the trees and surrounded SG-1. Sam became more anxious as she realized that they didn't have a clear path back to the stargate. All the men on horseback were armed with what appeared to be some type of projectile weapon. An older man sitting on a horse behind them was the first to speak.  
  
"Do you mean the stone ring of death?"  
  
"Uhm, that could be one way to describe it. We prefer to call it a stargate, because we use it to visit other planets."  
  
"You will drop your weapons now." Sam knew it had just become her turn to join the conversation.  
  
"Sorry but no. We carry our weapons to..." Sam didn't have a chance to finish what she was saying because a heavily booted foot struck her in the back of the head. Sam stumbled forward from the unexpected impact. She landed on all fours right in front of the horse carrying the man who had been speaking to them.  
  
The horse was surprised by her fall and reared up. Teal'c jumped forward and grabbed Sam's arm. He pulled her back towards him just as the horse landed where Sam had been kneeling moments before. Sam fell into Teal'c embrace.  
  
"Thanks, Teal'c." Sam touched the back of her head to check for an injury. "I'm alright." The man on the horse made eye contact with Teal'c.  
  
"Keep your woman quiet if you want her to live." Sam rolled her eyes. She hated landing on these male dominated planets! Daniel moved in front of Sam and Teal'c.  
  
"On our planet women are not restricted from speaking."  
  
"That doesn't matter! Today you are here and you have to abide by our laws. If he can not control his woman then we will."  
  
"Just let us go back to the stargate and we won't bother you again." Daniel began moving in the direction of the gate but a horse quickly blocked his progress.  
  
"No. Our stories tell us about the evil that comes from the gate. We know enough to kill anyone who comes out of the stone ring of death. You will come with us to be questioned before we decide how you will die." It was obvious to SG-1 that they couldn't take all twelve men down without getting hurt. Sam laid her P-90 on the ground and unclipped her vest. Teal'c and Daniel followed her example. The two men not on horseback picked up their gear and left through the trees.  
  
Another man got off his horse and handed Teal'c a rope.  
  
"Tie her hands. Make it tight. If she escapes you will all be killed." Teal'c looked at Sam. She raised her wrists and nodded her consent. Teal'c tied her hands but left her enough room so her circulation wouldn't be affected. The free end of the rope was tied to the saddle of a horse.  
  
The man who had handed the rope to Teal'c proceeded to tie up Daniel and Teal'c. SG-1 was forced to run to keep up with the pace set by the riders. At one point, Daniel tripped and ended up being dragged for several feet before he managed to regain his footing. Sam turned around several times to check on her team. When Daniel fell, she barely managed to hold her tongue. Her mind was racing, looking for opportunities to get her team out of this. The sooner they got away from these chauvinistic pigs the better. 


	2. sticks and stones chapter 2

Sticks and Stones Chapter 2:  
  
When they reached town, an exhausted SG-1 was lead into what appeared to be the town hall. They were tied to a podium in the middle of a large room filled with chairs. Four men were left to guard them.  
  
"This is great. Any ideas?" Sam felt more confident speaking since most of the men had left and she was directing her comments to Daniel and Teal'c.  
  
"Let's wait and see what they do."  
  
"I do not currently see another option at this point however I believe we need a plan in case they decide we are a threat." Teal'c was working on loosening the rope around his wrists as he spoke.  
  
"I agree. It'll be easy for this to go further down hill very quickly. There are doors on either side of the stage plus the one behind us where we entered. The first thing we do, if we have to make a run for it, is get some horses."  
  
"Agreed." Teal'c hadn't made much progress on the rope while Sam was talking.  
  
"Sam, I think it would be best if you let Teal'c and I handle everything until we get back through the gate."  
  
"As much as I hate it, I agree with you Daniel. Just do me a favor?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Gab my arm or cover my mouth if you think it looks like I'm about to explode." Sam grinned at Daniel to let him know she was kidding. It would take every ounce of her strength but she would hold her tongue and play the meek and mild woman until they were safe back on Earth.  
  
The room began to fill with people. Each man who entered had a woman trailing several steps behind him. The women hung their heads and never attempted to make eye contact with any one in the room. Sam's heart fell. She couldn't imagine living on this world. She wasn't sure if she could survive having her spirit so broken.  
  
The man who had spoken to them in the woods stood on the stage and looked down upon them. As all three members of SG-1 made eye contact with the man one of the guards moved up behind them and struck Sam on the back of the head with the butt of his weapon.  
  
"Keep your head down woman or pay the price." Sam stumbled forward but she stayed on her feet this time. As her vision cleared, she stepped back towards Teal'c who stood behind her to steady her and give her a place to lean. She kept her head down and fought several successive waves of nausea. Damn, but she hated head injuries. Why couldn't these idiots be happy with hitting her on the shoulder or something!  
  
"Tell us why you have come to our home!" Daniel took a step forward.  
  
"We came in peace looking for allies and friends with whom we can trade."  
  
"Trade?"  
  
"Yes, we exchange goods with many worlds. It helps us obtain materials not found on our world and lets us share things like medicine and tools. We also exchange knowledge and help our friends in times of need."  
  
"The stories of our ancestors describe evil beings who would kill and kidnap when they came through the ring. Our law says anyone coming through the ring is to be executed. Is there anything you can tell us to convince us to spare you?"  
  
"There are evil beings who travel using the gate. They are called Goa'uld. We have been at war with them for eight years. Many of our allies have been fighting them for much longer. We can help you protect yourselves from the Goa'uld."  
  
"How?"  
  
"We have a cover for our stargate, which prevents people from traveling to our world uninvited. We can teach you how to make such a cover. We can also teach you how to recognize a Goa'uld so if one comes through the gate you will know it is time to defend yourself."  
  
"How are we to know you are not a Goa'uld? How can we know you speak the truth?"  
  
"We can take you through the gate and show you our world. You can meet some of our friends." Sam glared at Daniel as he spoke. She wasn't happy with the suggestion of giving these idiots passage to Earth.  
  
"And what would stop you from holding us against our will?"  
  
"We wouldn't do that."  
  
"And we are suppose to trust your word?"  
  
"Yes, it is all I have to offer."  
  
"You have not shown yourselves to be trust worthy. "  
  
"Then let us return home. We won't bother you again."  
  
"Do I look stupid?" Sam would have loved to answer that one. "If we let you return home you will tell your people about the beauty of our world and they will return and destroy us and everything we love. Take them to a cell."  
  
The guards untied the ropes from the podium and pulled the three members of SG-1 from the room. They were shown to a typical old west type cell. Sam didn't think it would be too hard to get out.  
  
Late that night SG-1 was brought back to the large hall where they had previously been interviewed. Sam knew they had missed their scheduled check-in by at least an hour. She hoped the cavalry would ride to the rescue soon.  
  
"Our elders have considered your words. They have decided, against my advice, to allow you to leave. Your stuff will not be returned to you. We will not be so merciful if you return through the stone ring again." Daniel saw the look Sam gave him. Leaving all the stuff behind wasn't an option. They had to have their GDOs if they were going to be able to safely return.  
  
"We are very happy that you are allowing us to go home. We do however need one piece of our equipment."  
  
"Did you not understand what I said? You may leave but we are keeping your possessions!"  
  
"As I told you earlier, we have a cover over our gate to prevent unwelcome visitors from coming to our world. We need one piece of our equipment to signal our home and tell them to open the cover. If the cover isn't opened we will die when we go through the gate."  
  
"That is not my problem. My decision stands." Sam took a step past Teal'c and reached out, touching Daniels arm. Daniel knew she had reached her limit. Daniel shook his head slightly.  
  
There was an audible gasp in the room. All three team members instantly knew something was wrong. Daniel looked back to the stage as three guards moved forward.  
  
"WHO'S WOMAN IS SHE?"  
  
"What?" Daniel looked truly confused.  
  
"In the field he picked her up and held her!" The man on stage was pointing at Teal'c. "Now she purposefully touches you! To which of you does she belong?" His anger was palpable.  
  
"She does not belong to either of us. Our women are free." A low murmur filled the room.  
  
"Then she doesn't belong to either of you, yet she touches you both."  
  
"Yes, this is acceptable on our world." Daniel felt Teal'c move closer to Sam. All three members of SG-1 knew things were getting out of hand. 


	3. sticks and stones chapter 3

Sticks and Stones Chapter 3:  
  
"AS I TOLD YOU BEFORE YOU ARE ON OUR WORLD!" The man on stage was breathing rapidly and trying to regain control of his temper. "Bring the reader."  
  
Several women left the room and returned later with a young girl. The girl looked terrified.  
  
"Read her. Tell us to whom she belong." The girl never looked at any one in the room. She simply nodded her head yes and moved towards Sam.  
  
The girl studied Sam for a moment before reaching out to touch her face. Sam seemed transfixed by the girl. Neither of them moved for several moments. Daniel and Teal'c were both about to push the girl away when she let go and took a step back. Sam looked confused but unharmed.  
  
"Well?" The man standing on the stage was looking at the girl. She turned towards him but she never lifted her face.  
  
"He heart belong to her leader but she has given her body to another, neither of them is with her today." The girl bowed and moved out the door.  
  
"Take her to the circle." The man looked at Sam with disgust.  
  
"What are you going to do?" Daniel and Teal'c moved to block the guards from Sam as Daniel screamed to the man looking down at them. One of the guards grabbed the free end of Sam's rope off the ground. Six other guards moved towards Daniel and Teal'c.  
  
"She will be stoned to death for betraying her betrothed." Teal'c began shoving his body into the guards. He took down two before three others pinned him. Daniel ran towards the guard closest to him but was surprise as he was tackled from behind. He and Teal'c were both having trouble fighting because their hands were tied and they were weaponless.  
  
A shot rang out in the hall. All of the guards and SG-1 stopped moving. The man on stage pointed his weapon at Sam.  
  
"If you all prefer to die here and now it would be my pleasure." Daniel and Teal'c looked at Sam and she used her eyes to tell them to back off.  
  
They were all dragged outside. Sam was tied to a pole in the center of a garden in front of the main building. Daniel and Teal'c were tied to pillars on the porch of the building. From this spot, they had an unobstructed view of Sam. The women knelt in a large circle surrounding the garden. They began to hum and rock back and forth. If Sam's life wasn't on the line Daniel would have been intrigued. These were the first sounds he had heard any woman make, except for the reader, since they had arrived.  
  
Teal'c watched the men pass around buckets of rocks. The rocks were piled high in the buckets and there were plenty of buckets to go around. Stoning was obviously a common occurrence for these people. The men had formed a circle between Sam and the ring of humming women. The man from the stage was the first to step into the garden.  
  
"Our women are treasures which must be guarded and protected from evil. For those who are not well protected or who choose to give themselves to evil we are entrusted to free them from the evil. Let us not shy away from our sacred duty to protect the righteous." He turned and looked at Sam. Sam had given up faking a meek posture and looked him in the eye. She saw his face contort as she faced him. "May your Lord have mercy on your corrupted soul and may those who watch you suffer realize the price of disobedience."  
  
"I die free!" Sam locked eyes with Teal'c and nodded. She had heard him use the phrase in many deadly situations and felt it was fitting in this case. He recognized her words as paying him an honor and bowed his head.  
  
Her words had further incited the men around her. She watched them each pick up several stones from the buckets. Sam held herself rigid as she looked at each man. She wanted every one of them to know she was strong. She made up her mind to keep her head up, at least until she passed out.  
  
Without any other warning, the first stone was thrown by an elderly man to Sam's right. It was a weak throw but it was followed by larger rocks thrown with greater velocity. It didn't take Sam long to realize this was going to be a quick but painful death.  
  
Teal'c and Daniel were struggling against the ropes as the stones began to fly. Teal'c kept his eyes focused on Sam. As ridiculous as it sounded, he hoped as long as he could see her she would survive. Daniel couldn't watch so he began looking at the tree-covered hills around the town. He knew Sam was going to survive without help, soon.  
  
Teal'c was the first to see one of the men fall dead. He had been preparing to throw a large stone when his head exploded and his body fell back. Daniel heard the echo of the shot and knew help was hidden among the trees. As another man fell, the women began to run back to the building. Most of the men were following.  
  
"I knew others would follow and kill us!" The man from the stage grabbed Daniel and tried to use him as a shield.  
  
"Let us go and we will not return." Daniel was making himself a dead weight. The man was having a hard time holding him up.  
  
"You are wrong Daniel Jackson. Someone must atone for the injuries sustained by Colonel Carter." Teal'c was looking at the man holding Daniel. An old man crawled out to the porch.  
  
"Avarin, their weapons can kill without them showing their faces. The elders have decided to let them go and ask for their forgiveness."  
  
"What?"  
  
"You heard me. Let them go."  
  
"You fools! They will kill us!"  
  
"They might kill you but we do not think they will kill all of us." The man holding Daniel turned and kicked at the old man. Two of the younger guards cut the ropes holding Teal'c and Daniel to the pillars. Teal'c elbowed Avarin in the face. Avarin released Daniel so he could grab his broken nose.  
  
Teal'c and Daniel ran to Sam. She was unconscious. Only the ropes tying her to the pole kept her upright. Her hair was matted with blood. There were large wounds on her head and face. Many of the cuts were very deep. Teal'c picked her up and began running towards the trees. Daniel had to work hard but he kept up.  
  
Teal'c laid Sam down in front of Jack. Jacks eyes widened with horror at the site of her. You couldn't tell by looking at her that she was a blond. She was covered in blood and there were welts and bruises on her exposed arms. Daniel looked at the men of SG-3 and then at Jack.  
  
"Thank God you got here when you did, Jack."  
  
"It seems to me that we're a bit late Daniel." Jack felt for Sam's pulse. It was weak and faint. Her breathing was shallow and slow. It was obvious that they were losing her. As Jack reached into his pack for a med kit Teal'c held his wrist.  
  
"There is no time O'Neill. We must get her back to the SGC as fast as possible." Jack rarely saw fear in Teal'c's eyes but when he looked up it was there. The realization that Teal'c was also scared made Jack's stomach tighter.  
  
"You're right. Ok, head back to the gate. Radio SG-6 and tell them we are on our way. They have to keep the gate secure."  
  
"Yes, sir." The men of SG-3 arranged themselves into protective ring around SG-1 and Jack. Teal'c picked Sam up and they started to jog back to the gate. The pace was faster then usual but slow enough that Daniel didn't have any trouble keeping up and Jack's knees only slightly protested. As they neared the gate Jack noticed Teal'c slow and look down at Sam. 


	4. sticks and stones chapter 4

Sticks and Stones Chapter 4:  
  
"Teal'c?"  
  
"I am afraid we have not been fast enough." Teal'c's eyes met Jacks. The sorrow and loss was writing across his face, although you had to know him well to realize it. Jack flicked his radio.  
  
"SG-6, dial us out. I repeat, dial us out. Tell the SGC to have the doc waiting when we arrive. Our patient is critical." The gate was within sight and Jack could see the men following his orders. Teal'c never slowed again. He ran straight through the event horizon and descended the ramp barely stopping before running into the medical personnel waiting at the bottom.  
  
Teal'c placed Sam on a gurney. The doc felt for a pulse and immediately ordered the medics to begin CPR. Jack arrived in time to see Sam being pushed out the door. There was a nurse straddling her body doing chest compressions. Jack's heart fell into his stomach.  
  
SG-1 and Jack waited out in the hall leading to the infirmary. Jack heard the whine of the paddles being charged followed by the zap as they were used. That damn sound repeated itself more than once before it stopped. He couldn't hear the beeping of a heart monitor but he told himself that it probably just wasn't loud enough to be heard this far off. She had to live. He needed her. They all needed her.  
  
It was over an hour before the doctor came out to talk with them.  
  
"How is she, doc?"  
  
"She's been sent to surgery, General O'Neill."  
  
"For what?"  
  
"There are a couple areas of bleeding inside her head. It was causing the pressure to rise inside her skull. The pressure was squeezing her brain and causing it to shut down. The neurosurgeon is going to put in a shunt to remove the excess fluid. Once we get the pressure down we will be able to analyze the true extent of her injuries."  
  
"How will you stop the bleeding in her brain?" Daniel was pale white and barely holding himself upright as he spoke.  
  
"If it doesn't stop on it's own the neurosurgeon may have to do more surgery later."  
  
"How long until we can see her?" Jack stood ram rod straight. Daniel recognized soldier mode when he saw it.  
  
"The surgery will take at least another hour, more if the bleeding requires intervention. After surgery, it will take us a few hours to get her settled and cleaned up. I suggest you all get some rest and something to eat. Come back in about four or five hours. I should know more then."  
  
Daniel and Jack sat down in the plastic chairs along the hall. Daniel leaned forward and placed his head in his hands, which were propped up on his knees. Jack let his head fall back against the wall and closed his eyes. Teal'c remained ramrod straight watching over his two worried friends. He was afraid that Colonel Carter wasn't going to be lucky enough to survive this time. He wasn't sure what would happen to Daniel Jackson and O'Neill if she didn't make it.  
  
Sam stayed on life support for three days with no change in her condition. The doctors said there were still indications of brain activity, although they admitted there was a significant chance of some degree of brain damage. They all agreed that she needed more time to heal before she would wake. They encouraged her team to talk to her often. Jack had every SG off world team leaving messages for the Tokra. He knew her father would want to be here for her.  
  
It was eight days after bringing her back when Sam opened her eyes. Daniel was sitting with her when he saw her eyelashes flutter. Although her eyes opened slightly, she didn't seem to really be looking at anything.  
  
"Hey, Sam. It's me, Daniel. Can you hear me? Sam?" There was no response and she closed her eyes again. The doctors told SG-1 that is was a good sign. They went back to waiting and watching. For an impatient man Jack was remarkably capable of sitting and staring at her for hours without fidgeting.  
  
The next time her eyes opened Teal'c was sitting with Sam. He reached out and touched her hand. She did not look in his direction. He spoke to her for several minutes but her eyes remained unfocused. He didn't think she was really in that room with him. The sight of her vacant face with the open eyes sent chills down his spine. Teal'c had seen more horrors then most can imagine but the sight of his hollow friend was worse then all the horrors cataloged in his mind.  
  
Teal'c was glad to leave when Jack came by to relieve him. Jack was exhausted. He was running the SGC and spending all of his spare time with Sam. He had been living off 3-4 hours of sleep, or less, each night for two weeks. As Jack sat down beside Sam he couldn't help but acknowledge that he was too old to keep it up for long. Jack jerked awake when he realized he had been disturbed by a moan. He looked around the infirmary but he didn't see any patient who could have made the sound. He briefly wondered if his own snoring had disturbed him. When he turned back to Sam, he saw her eyes were open and she was looking at him.  
  
"Hey, Carter. How ya' feeling?"  
  
"Car.....ter?"  
  
"Yeah. That's your name." His chest tightened. They had told him to expect some brain damage but he hadn't been ready for this.  
  
"Car......ter."  
  
"Right. I'm General O'Neill."  
  
"Neill."  
  
"Not quite but it's a good try." Jack hit the nurse call button. When the nurse saw Jack was talking with Sam, she went to get the doctor. 


	5. sticks and stones chapter 5

Sticks and Stones Chapter 5:  
  
"Colonel Carter, it's good to see you awake this afternoon." Sam just stared at the doctor. Jack and the doctor could both tell the words hadn't registered in Carter's mind.  
  
"Ok, Colonel, tell me what you remember." The doctor smiled at Sam trying to be reassuring.  
  
"Neill." The doctor looked at Jack. They shared a worry.  
  
"I'll schedule an MRI, sir."  
  
"Right." Jack picked up Sam's hand as the doctor walked away. He rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand.  
  
"You'll be alright, Sam. I promise."  
  
"Sam."  
  
"Yeah, that's your name." Jack smiled at her but sorrow filled his eyes. His super smart astrophysicist didn't know her own name or his. Was she even the same person deep inside?  
  
Daniel and Teal'c both showed up while Sam was in the MRI. They had heard she was awake and interacting. They didn't know how much she had been hurt.  
  
"Jack, she's awake?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Where is she?" Jack looked up at Daniel and then let his gaze wander over to Teal'c.  
  
"They took her to the MRI."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"She not exactly herself, Daniel. I'm sorry guys but she doesn't even remember her own name." Daniel sat down on one of the plastic chairs still sitting in the hall outside the infirmary. Teal'c bowed his head before looking back at his friends.  
  
"She will return to us. She will just need our help." Jack and Daniel both nodded slightly, just barely registering Teal'c's words.  
  
Jack, Teal'c, and Daniel waited in the briefing room for the doctor. She wanted Sam to rest and she knew the best way to accomplish this was to occupy SG-1's time. She asked them to meet her at 1500 in the briefing room.  
  
"The MRI shows damage similar to a stroke, sir. It isn't surprising that her memory and skills have been damaged. The other functions of her brain may or may not have been affected. She also has some trouble controlling the right side of her body."  
  
"Are you telling us that she might be fine in there but unable to communicate in any way?" Of course Daniel would be the most horrified by the prospect of not being able to talk or write.  
  
"That is possible."  
  
"How can we find out?" Jack needed to know how to get her back.  
  
"We need to let her explore her abilities."  
  
"I don't like the idea of letting her rummage around exploring through the SGC. There are a lot of ways she could get hurt."  
  
"The only way she is going to regain her abilities is to stretch herself. She needs to be where she is most comfortable. Based on her files I thought that would be her lab, not her house. If you disagree, sir, I will go with your recommendation."  
  
"I don't disagree that she spent more time here then at home but I don't feel comfortable leaving her alone in the SGC."  
  
"That seems reasonable, sir. I don't even think she should be alone at home for a while. Do you have a recommendation about who should be assigned to watch her?" Daniel didn't need to wait for Jack's answer.  
  
"We will." Jack looked at Daniel. He knew there wouldn't be any arguing with him.  
  
"I agree, O'Neill." That was the last straw for Jack. He knew he was out numbered.  
  
"Alright. You have your volunteers, doc."  
  
"Yes, sir."  
  
Jack, Daniel, and Teal'c arranged their schedules so they could help Sam get settled back into her life. Several days later the doctor let her take short trips out of the infirmary. Her first visit to her lab proved the doc's assumption that her brain functions other then communication seemed to be intact. She headed straight over to her bench and picked up her tools. She took the cover off a naquada reactor before Jack could stop her. He was still a little nervous about her blowing up the whole base.  
  
When he placed his hand over hers she looked up into his eyes. She held his gaze for several minutes. She freed her hand and reached up to touch his cheek. She gently traced a line down his cheekbone to his lips. Her eyes began to follow her fingers. His heart raced as her soft touch caressed him.  
  
This was too close. Jack's brain began to scream 'stop'. Jack stepped back. Their contact was broken. He could see the hurt and confusion in her face.  
  
"No?" She looked at him with a tear in one eye.  
  
"I don't know what you mean." He could see she was searching her brain for a word, a way to get him to understand.  
  
"Us."  
  
"Oh. We're friends." This didn't fix the confused look on her face. "Friends, it means we like each other but not too much." Sam looked down at the floor and shuffled her feet. She felt like she had been reprimanded.  
  
"Go." Sam moved towards the door.  
  
"Where?" All Jack could do was follow. Sam's right side was still partially paralyzed which resulted in a limp when she walked. She also had a hard time doing little things like turning a doorknob with her right hand. Jack watched her as she walked away. He was drawn to protect her. It felt different then when they were fighting side by side. This pull felt stronger.  
  
Jack followed Sam to her quarters. When she got to the door she tried to open it with her right hand but failed. Jack stepped forward to help and she slapped his hand. She opened the door with her left hand and stepped inside. She closed the door in Jack's face.  
  
"Sam?"  
  
"No. Go." Jack got the point. He knew it was time to let Teal'c or Daniel take over. He had screwed things up. Sam lay down on the uncomfortable cot in the corner. She could no longer fight the tears. She had been sure that her feelings for Neill were real but his reaction had told her she was wrong. Obviously, her heart was alone in its desires. She didn't have any memories of a relationship with him, just like she had forgotten any word two syllables or longer. Suddenly she realized that she might not have forgotten anything about him. Maybe it was never there. That thought saddened her more then thinking she had forgotten.  
  
When Daniel entered, he found Sam asleep on her cot. It was obvious she had cried herself to sleep. Later, over dinner, Jack briefly told Daniel why she was upset. Daniel had known by Jack's face that even if he had asked for details he wouldn't have gotten them. Daniel decided to put a guard on her room and leave her alone until morning. 


	6. sticks and stones chapter 6

Sticks and Stones Chapter 6:  
  
Teal'c and Daniel found Sam sitting in the commissary eating breakfast the next morning. She had some fruit, a blueberry muffin, and a cup of orange juice in front of her. The doctor didn't want her drinking caffeine or eating anything that would increase her blood pressure for a while. There was apparently an increased risk of strokes while she was healing so she wasn't suppose to do anything to raise her blood pressure.  
  
Teal'c sat across from Sam and Daniel sat beside her.  
  
"Morning, Sam."  
  
"Hi." Sam smiled a lopsided grin at Daniel. The right side of her lips still didn't go up quite as high as the left. It was actually a very endearing look.  
  
"It is a pleasure to be able to share a meal with you again, Colonel Carter." Sam nodded and continued to grin. There was a slight blush to her cheeks. As Sam tried to pick up her fork she bumped into Daniel.  
  
"Sor.....ry."  
  
"It's alright, Sam. Do you need some help?"  
  
"No." Sam shook her head and slowly picked up her right arm. She easily placed her right hand on the table and inched her way to the fork. She knew if she concentrated, she could get her right side to work fine. She only screwed up when she tried to go fast or was thinking about something else.  
  
When she had bumped into Daniel, she had been trying to think of his name. She knew she felt close to both of these men, not as close as she felt to Neill, but still close. She just couldn't recall why she felt so close to them. Knowing they were friends, she didn't want to ask them their names. Not only did she not know how to verbalize it, but she was also afraid they would be upset. She figured she had already lost one friend, Neill, and she didn't want to risk doing the same to these two men.  
  
Daniel and Teal'c kept trying to bring Sam into the conversation. The doctor had told them it was important to make her keep pushing herself.  
  
"I brought you the puzzle from today's paper." Sam looked at the newspaper Daniel placed beside her. "You use to do the crossword puzzle every morning. Sometimes you challenged Jack but he very rarely ever managed to complete the whole thing without help."  
  
Sam kept looking at the paper. She didn't recognize any of the symbols on the paper. She didn't know what to do with the damn thing. Daniel saw the look of desperation cross over her face.  
  
"It's ok if you can't do it right now. I'll help you with it for a while until you're ready to try on your own again."  
  
"No." Sam's eyes had tears in them again. She hated looking weak and she didn't want help. To make everything worse Neill was approaching the table. He was the last person she wanted to see her weakness. She had already made a big enough of a fool of herself in front of him.  
  
As Jack approached the table Sam stood. Sam's right hand swung out wildly and knocked over her glass of orange juice. The newspaper was soaked and Daniel's pants got wet. Sam backed away from the table and turned away from her team. She left the commissary with her head hung low and tears in her eyes.  
  
"Not a good morning I take it." Jack looked at Daniel.  
  
"No. I guess offering to help her with the crossword was a bit much."  
  
"I can't even do that cursed thing. It's no wonder it scared her." Daniel shook his head.  
  
"I don't know where to start with her."  
  
"Perhaps we need to let her tell us."  
  
"Wise words Teal'c but how are we supposed to know what she wants."  
  
"Colonel Carter has always told us whats she wants and needs but like most of us she rarely does it with words. We need to look into her heart to read her mind." Daniel and Jack felt as if they had been sent to the principal's office. They knew Teal'c was right. No one knew Sam better. If anyone was going to be able to help her, it was her team, her closest friends. They just had to try harder.  
  
All three men went to her lab and then to her quarters. There was no sign of her. They each got a handheld radio and spread out to look for her. Jack was the first to see her. She was in the gym giving a poor private the work out of his life. The poor guy had no idea what he had done wrong in life to deserve the beating he was getting from this level three advanced hand-to-hand combat trained Colonel.  
  
"Teal'c, Daniel, I found her in the gym. Give us a little time. I'll let you know when we're ready to leave. Go get some work done until I call you." Jack let go of the radio.  
  
"Alright, Jack."  
  
"As you request, O'Neill."  
  
Jack stepped into the gym and signaled the private to let him step in. The relieved private made a beeline for the locker room. Relief really was spelled across his face. There were no words exchanged as Jack stepped onto the mat with Sam. She didn't give him any time to prepare for her attack. She threw a right punch, followed by a left hook, and ended with a kick aimed towards a kidney. Jack deflected the weak punch, felt the hook, and rolled away from the kick. Jack touched his cheek and stood back up. He knew there would be a mark.  
  
The sparing match was heated. It only took Jack two minutes to realize he couldn't go too easy on Sam and get out of this with the ability to walk upright. Sam had found a somewhat altered rhythm, due to her struggle against her right side that didn't always do what she wanted. Jack was surprised to find that he was breathing hard and sweating like a pig within fifteen minutes. Sam was on the offensive and he was working hard to keep her from hurting him or herself.  
  
Jack could see Sam was pushing herself beyond the point of exhaustion, heck he was getting tired and he got to the party late. Jack finally decided it was time to end things, on his terms, before somebody got hurt. Sam realized his intention moments before he threw himself full force at her. She rolled with him, using the momentum and his own weight to throw him over her head. He landed hard. She was up and on him before he had a chance to catch his breath. She planted her foot on his knee to ensure he wouldn't resist.  
  
"I guess that proves it's all still in there?"  
  
"So?"  
  
"So, that means we just have to find a way to help you access it."  
  
"How?"  
  
"I don't know but I promise to be nice if you'll get your foot off my knee." Sam moved her foot. "Thanks, that's much better." Sam nodded. Jack sat up using his elbows for support. Sam was still straddling his waist. "I can't believe you used my knee against me."  
  
Their eyes locked. Sam had familiar feelings of desire overwhelm her. She jumped up off his lap as if she had been burned. She didn't want to do anything to push him away again. She believed if she could only get to her memories she would like what she found out about Neill.  
  
"Are you ok?" Jack reached out and lightly touched her arm as she was moving away.  
  
"Fine."  
  
"How about helping an old defeated warrior off the cold hard floor?"  
  
"Sure." Sam gave Jack a half smile and reached out her right hand.  
  
"It seems like your right side works fine when you let it."  
  
"Yeah." Jack was standing very close and he hadn't let go of her arm.  
  
"How about we get showered?"  
  
"Yes." Jack motioned towards the door. Sam took the hint and led the way. She didn't even realize it was test. She walked straight to the locker room and opened her locker. She got out all of her shower stuff and went to a shower stall. Jack watched without interfering. It was clear to him that if they let her do what came naturally she would do what felt right. Her routine, her need for repetition had always driven Jack crazy. He realized it was that very quality that might be the key to her recovery.  
  
Jack showered quickly after Sam left and called Teal'c and Daniel. He told them about the match and her trip to get showered. He told them it was time to force her to do things for herself. He knew they should have realized holding her hand was the same as holding her back. If they pushed her out of the proverbial nest, she would fly. They just had to be sure they didn't push her away in the process. 


	7. sticks and stones chapter 7

Sticks and Stones Chapter 7:  
  
McKinsey had told them her older memories were the mostly likely to return first. He recommended helping her remember her childhood and then progress forward. He also warned them that many of her memories would result in powerful emotional responses. Jack shook his head at the idea of Sam being overly emotional until the doc reminded him that her stoicism was a trained response, training she currently didn't remember.  
  
Sam was spending another night in her quarters watching television. She seemed to need the time alone each night to process her day. Tomorrow she was scheduled to begin working with a speech-language therapist, the wife of Lieutenant Lingle from SG-15. He was very excited that Jack was working to get his wife enough clearance to work on the base. He didn't tell Jack but hiding the truth about his job had been hurting his marriage. He hoped once his wife knew he really was leaving the base on Air Force missions and protecting the whole planet she would regain her trust in him. It had taken three weeks to get the therapist cleared but tomorrow, Sam would get more help on her long road to recovery. A road Jack no longer felt like knew how to navigate.  
  
Jack, Teal'c, and Daniel got together in Teal'c's quarters after dinner to discuss the next step in helping Sam rediscover her memories. Daniel said they should take her to visit Mark. No one else on Earth knew more about her childhood. Mark was the most qualified person to help her get started remembering her life. Jack agreed that Mark was the best Earth bound choice but the risk was too high. Sam had too many classified memories in her head to let Mark start probing around in there. He also knew they would have a hard time explaining her condition, since stoning didn't happen in Colorado too often.  
  
"What about Colonel Carter's home?" Jack looked at Teal'c's stoic face.  
  
"Carter bought that house after she started at the SGC. That isn't going to help her with her childhood memories." Jack shook his head and looked down as he spoke.  
  
"Not the house, Jack, but what about the stuff in it?"  
  
"What do you mean, Danny?"  
  
"Sam must have mementos from her childhood. I know she has some picture albums."  
  
"She showed you her picture albums?" Jack felt the knot of jealously in his belly but he pushed it down.  
  
"Yeah, after Jolinar. We took the time to get to know each other a little better. We both felt like orphans, even though her family was still alive. It was what she needed at the time although Jacob coming back into her life did more for her then I was able to do." Jack nodded even though he wasn't able to rid his stomach of the knot. He had spent some time with Sam after the Jolinar incident but he had been struggling with his feelings and he hadn't been able to be open to her like she wanted and needed. Daniel had obviously given her what she had needed when he couldn't.  
  
"Then it's settled. Her home, tomorrow afternoon." Jack stood and quickly left the room before his hidden emotions bubbled to the surface.  
  
The first day of speech therapy yielded noticeable results. If Sam slowed down and concentrated, she was able to manage some two-syllable words with only a small gap in the middle. The therapist had started with names so she was able to finally say Daniel. At first, he didn't react but then he looked up with a big silly grin on his face.  
  
"You've been practicing that, haven't you?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Great job. It's good to hear it again. I hadn't realized until this moment that you hadn't been using my name. I guess I've been preoccupied."  
  
"With me."  
  
"Yeah, but that's what friends are for, right?"  
  
"Right." Sam smiled back before taking another bite of her meatloaf. Three bites of the slightly too dry meat convinced her to eat more salad and fruit.  
  
Jack ended up tied to his desk running the SGC while Teal'c and Daniel took Sam to her home. The sight of her house didn't result in any reaction from Sam. Daniel put his hand up to stop Teal'c from following her inside. Daniel wanted Sam to have the chance to find her way around and let her routine kick in.  
  
Sam walked down the entrance hall to the coat rack on the wall. She took off her jacket and hung it up. Daniel smiled at Teal'c. He knew this must be part of Sam's routine. Sam went to the kitchen next. She walked over to the answering machine. There was a number four flashing. She pressed the play button.  
  
"Hey, Sweetie. My case is running longer then I expected and I won't be able to come down. I'm sorry our weekend plans have been ruined again. Call me when you get this and we'll reschedule." Beep.  
  
"I guess you wouldn't have been free this weekend, even if I would have been able to make it, since you haven't called back yet. Please don't tell me that you aren't speaking to me because I got tied up at work. Call me. I'll make it worth it. I promise." Beep.  
  
"Sam, I'm really worried. I haven't heard from you in three weeks. If you aren't speaking to me then write or something. Just let me know you aren't dying in the middle of God only knows where. If I don't hear from you soon I'm just going to show up." Beep.  
  
"Hey, Sam. It's Mark. The kids are wondering why their Aunt hasn't called in so long. I told them we would call and check on you but I didn't figure you were there. Don't pull a Dad on them. Give them a call soon, ok." Beep.  
  
Sam turned around to look at Daniel and Teal'c who were now standing in the doorway to her kitchen.  
  
"Mark?"  
  
"Mark is your brother."  
  
As she thought about the words 'brother' and 'dad' she remembered the concept of family. She hadn't considered the possibility of having a family until this moment. She had just assumed these three men were it. This revelation only resulted in more questions she didn't know how to ask. Damn her mouth! Why was it so far behind her head!  
  
"Kid?"  
  
"I'm sorry Sam. I don't understand." Sam began pointing at herself.  
  
"Fam...leee?" Daniel and Teal'c didn't know how to answer this question. Were they about to ruin her illusions of having the typical earth bound life? Were they going to dash dreams her mixed up mind might be making her think were realities?  
  
"Your family consists of your brother, his wife and kids, and your dad." Daniel stepped forward and took a hold of her hand. He was trying to prepare himself for her reaction.  
  
"And us. Don't forget us. We're your family too, Sam. We've been together for eight years and we will be here as long as you will let us." Sam felt a tear in her eye as Daniel looked at her.  
  
"Indeed. We are a close family, Samantha. We will do whatever we must for one another. There is no biological bond that could be stronger then the one we have built by choice." Daniel looked at Teal'c with a shocked appreciation of his words.  
  
"I didn't know you had it in ya' big guy."  
  
"Don't let my exterior fool you, Daniel Jackson. I have been studying your Earth poetry and I found it to be an effective way to express oneself."  
  
Sam smiled at the exchange that felt so familiar that it was comforting. She let go of Daniel's hand and walked down to the living room. It looked cozy but not really lived in. There were framed pictures on the mantle. She went over and picked up one of her and her team. Neill was standing to her right and Daniel was on her left. Teal'c was behind her. She was laughing.  
  
The next picture was of two adults and two children. She looked at the kids. The face was too familiar to not recognize. She had spent the first two days after she woke looking at herself in the mirror. Since this was a picture of her as a child, the other kid must be Mark. She had brief flashes of the boy yelling at her and pushing her down.  
  
She stared at the adult male, her dad. Her mind flashed up pictures of him in a blue uniform, like the ones she had seen on base. She remembered him in a bed wearing a gown. There were flashes of him in a brown uniform standing in the briefing room on base. The last memory was of a kiss given to her as he told her goodbye. She remembered her disappointment that he had to leave again. It seemed most of her memories of him involved his leaving.  
  
She looked at the woman, her mother. There was no denying the relationship based on looks. Her mind provided her images of birthday parties and shopping trips. She pressed her mind but couldn't come up with any recent memories. As she stared, she recalled seeing herself in the mirror wearing a black dress with white polka dots. She was crying. Her father was comforting her. She was outside. There were flowers and lots of people.  
  
"No!" At the sound of her voice Daniel and Teal'c rushed into the living room. Daniel was the first to reach Sam. He grabbed her shoulders and turned her towards himself. He looked down at the picture in her hands.  
  
"Dead?"  
  
"Your mother?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Yeah, she died when you were a kid."  
  
"Car?"  
  
"In a car accident." Sam fell into his arms and began to sob. Her shoulders shook as she mentally relived the pain of losing a mother she barely remembered. Daniel led Sam over to the sofa and sat with her until her regained control.  
  
"Sorry."  
  
"There is nothing to be sorry for Sam. You have a lot of memories in there" Daniel pointed to her head "that will be a surprise. Let us be here to help you with them." Sam looked into his eyes and appreciated the warmth radiating from them to her. She knew, even without her memories, that these men could be trusted. They were just as much a family to her as the people in the picture she still held.  
  
"This a good sign Colonel Carter. Your memories reappeared when you saw the picture."  
  
"Yeah." She smiled up at T. "More."  
  
"Do you want to look at more pictures?" Sam shook her head yes, so Daniel went over to her bookshelf.  
  
"I have to be honest Sam, you weren't too great at keeping up with photo albums. I think this is where you kept most of what you had." Sam took the book from Daniel.  
  
"What about Dr. Fraiser's possessions?" Teal'c looked at Daniel.  
  
"Cassie has most of the photo albums but I'll ask her to bring them when she comes home next week."  
  
"Cass?"  
  
"Cassie is a girl you helped rescue several years ago. She's at college now but she has a week of break coming up. She's going to come and stay with Jack." Daniel looked away from Sam as he spoke. He didn't want to have to explain about Janet so soon after Sam had remembered her mother.  
  
"Jack?"  
  
"Yeah, Neill." Sam nodded.  
  
Sam spent hours looking at old pictures. She remembered learning to ride a bike so she could follow her brother around the neighborhood. She remembered running into a mailbox once when she was trying to keep up with him and some of his friends who didn't want a pesky girl hanging around. When she got up without crying the boys accepted her and, to her brother deep disappointment, the boys let her hang around with them.  
  
She recalled moving often and the difficulty of fitting in when you are so different and new. She found books on her shelf she knew she had read as a child, including Anne of Green Gables, Elf Quest, Lord of the Rings, Tom Sawyer, and The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. Although she couldn't read any of the titles she smiled as she picked up each book and felt them in her hands. She remembered how easy it was to get lost in a good book. Now she couldn't even recognize the letters. As she held the books, she decided her first goal would be to read again. She needed a way to lose herself.  
  
Sam smelled something burning in the kitchen. When she ran in, she found Teal'c watching Daniel pull a casserole from the oven. The top of the casserole was black and there was smoke around his head. The smoke detector began to blare. For a moment, Sam was startled but Teal'c moved towards her and placed his hand on her forearm.  
  
"It is alright, Samantha. That machine makes that noise in the presence of smoke. I assure you it happens often when Daniel Jackson cooks."  
  
"It's not like you or Sam could do much better!" Daniel glared at Teal'c before turning back to the ruined casserole. "I guess we should plan to go out tonight. Just give me a few minutes to clean up." 


	8. sticks and stones chapter 8

Sticks and Stones Chapter 8:  
  
After an Italian dinner, without the wine since Sam was still healing, the three friends went back to the mountain. Jack had left an order at the gate to be notified when they returned. He met them when the elevator doors opened.  
  
"Welcome back! Any progress?" Jack looked from Sam to Daniel, because he didn't expect Sam to answer.  
  
"Yes. Mark and Dad. I ride bike. I fell. I read books." Sam smiled. That was the most she had said since she had awoken with out a memory. She knew that was progress. His face lit up!  
  
"Excellent! That much progress deserves a treat! Should it be Jello or ice cream?" Sam's face showed her indecision. "Well, now I know you have more work to do. That would have been an easy question before you got your brains banged up. Let me reintroduce you to Jello and ice cream so you can decide which is better." Jack held out his arm and she looped her arm around his elbow. They walked off together, with Daniel and Teal'c following, towards the commissary.  
  
Sam slept well that night unaware that her friends were planning their next step in 'plan memory retrieval'. Jack had arranged for Sam and Daniel to spend the weekend at the Air Force Academy. Sam had been there for years while she was a cadet and had returned over the years to teach a few lectures. Jack hoped this would be a big push forward in her recovery.  
  
Sam continued to progress well with her speech therapy. In the afternoons, Teal'c and Sam would workout or she would spend time in her room staring at the two books the therapist had loaned her. The books had obnoxiously cute pictures of children playing in them. It really pissed Sam off that they didn't make any sense to her. Usually after an hour with the books, she had to go for a run. She could always find some poor airman ready to be winded by following her around the winding trails of the mountain.  
  
Friday night Jack finally had time to get out of the SGC. He wasn't caught up yet, but he knew if he kept at it over the weekend he would conquer the paper monster his desk had become by Monday morning. Jack took the whole team out to dinner, steaks of course.  
  
"This is great Jack. Where did you find this place?"  
  
"A friend told me about. He knew I had been looking since the O'Malley's incident."  
  
"A friend? Do you mean General Hammond?"  
  
"Yeah." Jack snickered as he remembered General Hammond pointing out what good food this place served and that no one on SG-1 had yet been thrown out.  
  
"This is excellent grilled bovine, O'Neill." Teal'c nodded his head in appreciation of the tasty meat.  
  
"Neill?" Sam looked at Jack with her head tilled, examining his features carefully.  
  
"It's alright if you call me Neill...for now at least."  
  
"Jack?" Sam's face was a mixture of confusion and discomfort.  
  
"Yeah, that's ok too." Jack raised his eyebrows. He chastised himself for his internal reaction to how great it sounded to hear her say his name.  
  
"No." It felt wrong. Neill felt better, but she didn't know why. She just knew he wasn't Jack, not to her.  
  
"No?"  
  
"Neill." Jack nodded his head. He understood, even if she didn't.  
  
"Like I said, it's alright if you call me Neill, for now."  
  
Daniel and Sam arrived at the Academy early Saturday morning. Sam had to wake Daniel up three times before she finally got enough coffee in him to keep him up. She was excited about going to her old school.  
  
General Kerrigan greeted them in his office. He told them their passes would allow them access to all of the classroom areas. He had arranged for Sam to be escorted to her old room by two of the female cadets. General Kerrigan stood and held Sam's hand for several minutes before a cadet entered to give them a tour. He told her to let him know if there was anything he could do. The lack of recognition in her eyes hurt him.  
  
Daniel and Sam followed the cadet through a series of classrooms. The cadet talked about the history of the different buildings and what classes were now taught in each room. He was obviously more used to giving tours to civilians, not alums. The morning tour did not spark any memories.  
  
They had lunch in the cafeteria with the cadets. The noise was hard for Sam to handle. Everything was quieter at the SGC and she didn't have any memories of really noisy situations. As a young male cadet, sitting at a table to her right, stood Sam remembered John. John told her that he needed help in physics or he wouldn't graduate. She had agreed to tutor him only to find out he was playing stupid so he could get to know her. His plan almost backfired when she realized he had been playing her. She ended up forgiving him. They dated throughout her sophomore year. He graduated and got his wings. He died in a training accident during her junior year.  
  
Daniel saw the tears in her eyes but he didn't know their cause. He reached out and touched the back of her hand. She looked up into his eyes and slowly smiled.  
  
"Sam?"  
  
"John was here."  
  
"John?"  
  
"Close friend. He died."  
  
"I'm sorry." Sam shook her head.  
  
"Memoring is good."  
  
Daniel watched Sam as she picked at her meal. He just hoped he was ready for any emotional baggage this place opened for Sam. She hadn't ever really talked to him about her time at the academy. He didn't know what kinds of things might be hidden in her mind.  
  
After lunch, they went out to the training grounds. They watched cadets climbing walls, crawling under barbed wire, firing at targets, and practicing their hand-to-hand combat skills. Daniel was impressed with the skills he saw displayed but still glad he didn't sign up to do this in college. He couldn't understand why Jack kept complaining about how much the new recruits at the SGC had to learn. These kids were obviously in better shape then he had been when he went through the gate the first time. While Daniel was lost in his thoughts about the cadets Sam had wandered off to the nearby survival course. Daniel wasn't alerted to her absence until he heard her scream and turned around to discover she wasn't within site.  
  
Daniel ran through the bushes. Two senior cadets and an instructor were mere steps behind him.  
  
"Sam! Sam, where are you?" Daniel found Sam sitting at the base of a large red maple tree. "Sam, what happened?"  
  
"I was here. My first year. They touched me. They would not stop." Sam was shaking and crying. Daniel reached out and held her. He rocked her back and forth. The two senior cadets left but the instructor continued to stand at attention over Sam and Daniel. The instructor was an older man with very little hair but a nice build.  
  
"Colonel Carter, I was teaching here when this happened to you. It was horrible for you but you stood your ground. Your attackers were expelled from the academy and the service. There were many changes made to our policies and practices because you were brave enough to come forward. All of the women who have attended the academy since have been safer thanks to you. You survived and were stronger. Do not let a past, which you conquered, destroy you." The instructor walked off to rejoin the cadets. Daniel was shocked into silence. He didn't know Sam had ever been attacked. Why had she remained in the military after such a horrid incident! Daniel was ready to take Sam back to the SGC. Jack's idea to bring Sam to the academy seemed to one of his worst as far as Daniel was concerned!  
  
"My room." Sam sobs had faded while the instructor spoke. Daniel didn't realize that General Kerrigan had ensured that the instructors knew why Sam was visiting. All of the academy faculty members were ready to guide Sam though her academic past.  
  
"Sam, we can go back to the SGC."  
  
"No. My room." Sam pushed herself up off the ground and put a hand out for Daniel. They walked up to the dorm with his arm around her waist. He needed to feel her near him. In his mind, he told himself he was doing it for her benefit but in reality, he needed her strength. He couldn't shake the image of her being brutalized by hordes of men in uniform. He needed to protect her and keep her safe. 


	9. sticks and stones chapter 9

Sticks and Stones Chapter 9:  
  
To Daniel Sam's old room looked like a typical dorm room, except the current occupants kept it amazingly neat. He figured it must be a military thing; both Sam and Jack kept their houses in a constant state of perfection. Sam did not see the same room Daniel was scanning. In Sam's mind she saw a picture of her mother on the desk. There was a picture of the whole family on the dresser. She saw her diary sitting on the desk. She had kept a diary! Sam walked forward and traced her fingers over the dresser. She sat on the bed and looked out the window.  
  
"I climbed out." Sam was smiling as she stared out the window.  
  
"You climbed out the window?"  
  
"Yeah, for John. There was a party for the leavers."  
  
"The leavers? Do you mean the graduates?"  
  
"Yes! I wanted to go but I was too young."  
  
"So you snuck out?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Were you caught?"  
  
"No. It was fun. We made out."  
  
"Oh, ok." Daniel blushed. He didn't want to think about Sam making out. She was like his sister and sisters didn't make out!  
  
Sam was all smiles by dinner. She had shown Daniel where she went to her first formal dance. She told him about the beautiful corsage and learning to walk in heels. She had been a hopeless tomboy when she arrived at the academy but luckily for the first time she had made friends with other women who were also learning how to be tough and feminine. They learned together how to be a new breed!  
  
Sam and Daniel were given guest quarters for the night. Daniel heard her restless sleep from next door but he held back and didn't invade upon her. He knew her dreams were full of strange images that she couldn't yet put into an order. He was sure some of those images were horrific based on what they had faced together over the last eight years. Knowing she had to face the nightmares alone didn't make it easier for him to lie there listening to her toss and turn. His heart ached. This wasn't fair. She didn't deserve this! Hell, none of them deserved the ugliness they seemed to find each day! No one should have to fight what they did.  
  
Daniel found Sam looking refreshed and smart in her dress blues for breakfast the next morning. After they had eaten, Daniel escorted Sam to the academy chapel for an interdenominational service. They sat near the back. Daniel was worried they might need to leave quickly if Sam got upset.  
  
After the opening prayer, Daniel felt Sam's fingernails dig into his arm.  
  
"Sam?"  
  
"John laid here."  
  
"Is this where they had his funeral?" Sam nodded her head yes. Her eyes were wide and her face was pale. Daniel knew she was reliving the sight of his coffin.  
  
"We can leave."  
  
"No." The look on her face had softened. Some color was returning. Everyone stood to begin the first hymn. Daniel grabbed a hymnbook and hastily turned to the page the kid in front of him had open. Daniel was shocked to hear Sam's beautiful voice. She was usually quiet when they would sing happy birthday. She had always been nervous about her voice, something about only getting speaking parts in every school play. He smiled; maybe she had forgotten to be shy about her voice.  
  
When they sat back down Daniel held her hand. "Better now?"  
  
"Yes. Ben was joined here."  
  
"Do you mean married?"  
  
"Yes." She smiled in appreciation of being given the word she had been roaming her mind to find.  
  
"Ben?"  
  
"A friend. He marry Laura. She had a baby."  
  
"Ah, young love. Did it work out?"  
  
"I hope so." Sam and Daniel noticed several of the cadets turning to look in their direction. They unanimously but silently decided to postpone any more conversations until after church. Sam remembered coming here to pray for her father's safety, for her mother's soul on each anniversary of her death, for her brother's spirit as he fought with the things her father represented, and for her own spirit as she changed from a child to soldier.  
  
By the end of the service, Sam felt like she had found a completely new side of herself. She had remembered building a small bomb without permission in the physics lab, her last night in the dorms passing out advice to the other female cadets, and her own graduation. Neither her father nor her brother had been able to attend her graduation but her father's friends, the Hammonds, had attended. Mrs. Hammond and her mother had been close before her mother's death. Occasionally Mrs. Hammond would mention trying to be a surrogate mother but Sam always pushed her away, as she did again during graduation. Sam hadn't been ready to be that open with anyone again.  
They left the chapel and went to Daniel's car. They stopped at a McDonald's for lunch. Sam smiled as she watched the children playing on the little playground inside the restaurant.  
  
"I want to see Mrs. Ham....mond."  
  
"Mrs. Hammond?"  
  
"Yes, she was at my grad...grad..."  
  
"Graduation?"  
  
"Yes. She wanted to be like a mom but I would not let her. I want to see her." Daniel had stopped chewing. Why couldn't Sam ask for things he could give? Why did all the memories have to be so harsh!  
  
"She's dead Sam. I honestly don't know when. She died from cancer before I met you or General Hammond. I'm sure Jack could tell us more or we could visit General Hammond."  
  
"No, I not know him well."  
  
"That might have been true when you were at the academy but it isn't true now. General Hammond was in charge of the SGC until Jack took over this year. Jack let General Hammond know what happened. He's planning to visit as soon as we let him know you're feeling up to it."  
  
"I'll think on it." Sam took another bite of her Big Mac. The fries were too salty but the coke was refreshing. As she chewed, she tried to process that she had lost another person. It seemed like so many people had disappeared from her life. As her memories emerged, she felt like each person she remembered disappeared as quickly as her Coke. Perhaps she had been right during her graduation to decide it wasn't worth it to get close to people. People just disappear.  
  
Sam looked up at Daniel. Why was this man sticking by her? She didn't feel attracted to him. She knew he was cute, she had seen how the nurses, cadets, and even the girl working the cash register had reacted to him. She knew by definition he was handsome but she wasn't physically drawn to him. He never touched her like a lover. Now that she had memories of being romanced, she knew what she shared with this man wasn't romantic. He was good to her but she knew they were just friends.  
  
The drive back to the SGC was quiet. Sam was going back through the emerging memories, deciding what felt real and categorizing each memory. Even with her mind in pieces, she was still a scientist at heart.  
  
"We'll be back soon. How are you feeling?"  
  
"Good, this helped."  
  
"I'm glad. Jack thought it would be good for you."  
  
"Jack?"  
  
"Yeah, he came up with the idea of letting you go back to the academy. He even talked to general Kerrigan so we would get special treatment, not that he had to do anything for that to happen. You go to the academy often to give guest lectures. General Kerrigan adores you. He is one of a dozen Generals who requests your transfer each year."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because you're brilliant, fun to work with, professional, and one-in-a-million."  
  
"No pressure, huh?" Daniel laughed and Sam gave him a big smile. It felt good to see her having some fun. The SGC gate appeared and he saw the smile on her face disappear.  
  
"Sam, what's wrong?"  
  
"Not a thing." Daniel pulled the car over and turned off the engine. He refused to let this weekend end on a low note.  
  
"Tell me anyway." She looked into his eyes as he turned to face her. He was sincere. He really wanted to know why she didn't want to return.  
  
"I feel like I belong at...school and now it is time to...go back to...a place that...does not feel like...a place I know."  
  
"You have spent more of your adult life in this mountain then anywhere else in the universe. I'm pretty sure, based on what I know about your childhood, this mountain is more your home then any house, school, or barrack where you ever lived. As your memories continue to return you will begin to feel like this home."  
  
"But not yet. Now it feels like I'm going back to the hos....hos..."  
  
"Hospital."  
  
"Right. It's so gray and cold."  
  
"You're right. Give me a minute." Daniel pulled out his cell phone and dialed.  
  
"General O'Neill, please." Daniel looked over at Sam and smiled.  
  
"Hey, Jack, it's Daniel. No, everything is fine. She's sitting right beside me." Daniel rolled his eyes for Sam's benefit, eliciting a slight giggle.  
  
"It went fine. In fact, I think it was probably your best idea ever. True that's not saying much but..." Sam burst into laughter as Daniel pulled the phone away from his ear.  
  
"Jack, Jack, Jack, I'm taking Sam back to her house for the night. We'll be back in the morning so she can have her usual therapy session." Sam's eyes lit up at the prospect of going to a real house.  
  
"She'll be fine. I took care of her at the academy and I can take care of her tonight." Daniel saw the look on Sam's face as she crossed her arms over her chest.  
  
"Not that she needs to be taken care of you understand." Sam appreciated his attempt to extract his foot from his mouth but as far as she was concerned, all three men were going to have to learn that she was a grown woman. She might have a few gaps in her head but she was still a grown woman.  
  
"I promise Jack. You and Teal'c are welcome to come over for dinner, especially if you bring dinner with you. Alright, we'll see you then." Daniel hung up the phone and turned back towards the steering wheel.  
  
"Sorry about the take care of you stuff. It has gotten to be a habit that all three of us will have to break as you get better."  
  
"You sure will. Based on my training with Teal'c I'm pretty sure I could hurt you and Neill if I tried hard." Daniel looked over at her with a mix of shock and amusement as he turned the key to start the ignition. 


	10. sticks and stones chapter 10

Sticks and stones Chapter 10:  
  
Her first objective after getting into her house was to take a long hot bath. Daniel found the history channel and began commenting on the theories, even though he was alone in the room. By the time Jack and Teal'c showed up with pizza, salad in a bag, and a variety of sodas Daniel had fallen asleep on the sofa. Sam emerged from her bedroom with wet hair.  
  
"Good evening, my lady. We come bearing delectable goodies." Jack did a mini-bow as he spoke.  
  
"Is that pizza?"  
  
"Indeed."  
  
"I think I like mushrooms." Jack smiled at Sam while trying to grimace.  
  
"I can't believe you want to ruin a perfectly good pizza with a fungus!"  
  
"You do not have enough appreciation for vegetables, O'Neill." Teal'c looked at Sam and gave her a slight nod while one corner of his lips twitched. She was pretty sure that was his way of saying he was on her side.  
  
"We were talking about a fungus, not vegetables. I appreciate vegetables just fine. At least I didn't say you were ruining perfectly good pizza by bringing salad." Sam began laughing at the two men and the ridiculous conversation. The sound of her laugh woke Daniel. Daniel awoke with such a start that he fell off the sofa. The site of Daniel sticking his head up above the edge of the sofa set Sam off again. All three men soon joined her mirth. The sound of her laugh lifted all of their spirits more then they had thought was possible.  
  
After the pizza, a chick flick through which Neill complained constantly, and a shoot 'em up that caused Daniel to ask too many questions, the four friends found spaces to sleep. Sam took the bed in her room, Teal'c took the living room sofa, Daniel took the spare bed, and Neill blew up an air mattress he placed in the hall near the door to Sam's room. No one questioned his strange sleeping arrangement.  
  
Sam and Teal'c spent every other day relaxing at her house, except for the morning trips to the base for Sam's therapy. After a month and a half, it was obvious Sam's therapy was paying off. Her speech had dramatically improved, she had everyone's name correct again, and she could use multi-syllabic words again. She was reading James Patterson novels, the short chapters resulted in a better feeling of accomplishment and the stories were interesting. She kept a small dictionary in her pocket, a gift from Daniel, that she would use to help her understand or say words she didn't recognize. Her right hand was much improved. The guys, and her physical therapist, noticed she didn't have any trouble with her hand when she was concentrating on her work, like retrofitting a naquada generator to attach to a MALP, instead of thinking about her hand.  
  
Jack and Daniel used Sam's downtime time to prepare the next phase of 'plan memory retrieval'. When Sam returned to the base full-time she was much more relaxed. On her first day back full-time, Teal'c took her to a conference room in NORAD command. Neither Sam nor Teal'c had ever spent much time on the upper floors of the mountain so they both earned many stares from the passing airmen. When she entered the conference room, Jack and Daniel were waiting with three other men, all in uniform.  
  
Sam felt Teal'c hang back to stay in the hall. The five men in the room all stood as she walked towards the table. They exchanged salutes as Jack walked over to stand beside her. Daniel was watching her closely.  
  
"Morning, Sam."  
  
"Daniel." Daniel held her hand for a moment, gave it a squeeze, and then slipped out the door behind her. He knew he didn't have a place in this meeting.  
  
"Colonel Carter, I would like to introduce Colonel Marks, Colonel Bryans, and General Williams." Sam nodded as Jack moved his hand to indicate each man.  
  
"It's nice to meet you." Sam smiled a polite tight smile.  
  
"Actually, Sam, we've all known you for a long time." Colonel Marks shifted his eyes from his hands to the table as he spoke. "We flew together in the Gulf."  
  
"That's why I asked them to come today. They know you were injured and lost your memory. They were nearby for another meeting so I asked to stop here to try and help you remember your time in the service before you joined this project." The look Jack gave her made it clear that these men were not cleared to know about 'this project', not that she remembered enough to tell them much.  
  
Sam sat down beside Colonel Bryans. He smiled at her as she sat down. It was the smile of a good friend, not just a casual acquaintance.  
  
"I wasn't even aware that I could fly." The men smiled at Sam's admission.  
  
"I'd fly with you any day Sam. You are one of the best pilots with whom I ever had the pleasure of being stationed." Marks gave Sam a brilliant smile that made Jack angry.  
  
"Your voice sounds so familiar." Sam closed her eyes. "You said you were bailing out. Your coordinates were...."  
  
"Classified." General Williams interrupted. Sam's eyes snapped open. She nodded at her former commander as her memories began to solidify.  
  
"It wasn't officially an official mission, was it, sir?"  
  
"Not exactly." Sam returned her attention to Marks.  
  
"I circled around you, following your chute."  
  
"Yeah, even though I ordered you to retreat. You were under heavy fire but you wouldn't leave until you radioed my position. Your decision to disregard my orders probably saved my life. I was extracted two days later. Those two days were hell. I don't think I would have lasted much longer. If you hadn't radioed my position, God only knows how long it would have been until help arrived." Marks reached out and put his hand over hers. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Jack react to Marks words and the site of them touching.  
  
"You saved me Sam. I'll always owe you."  
  
"To be honest Colonel until that point you had been having a hell of a time fitting in." Colonel Bryans dragged Sam's attention away from Marks and Jack. "After Marks was rescued we had a whole new level of respect for you."  
  
"It was suddenly like having 20 big brothers." Sam smiled at the recollection.  
  
"It was good to see. I had been worried about you since you were assigned to my command. Not only were you wasting those incredible brains of yours flying for me, but the guys had decided before you arrived that no woman was going to be one of them. I wasn't sure when you reported for duty that you would win them over but you did. It was even more impressive that you did it by being yourself." General Williams maintained eye contact with Sam as he spoke. His admiration and pride was obvious.  
  
Jack sat back and tried to enjoy watching the pride with which these men spoke about Sam. He had read her pre-SGC record but it wasn't the same as being here as these men talked to her. He understood why her commanding officer had been worried about her ability to fit in with the flyboys. When he had met her eight years ago, she had seemed so young and naive and that was after serving with these men in the Gulf.  
  
"General O'Neill?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Any chance I could get a quick tour of your facilities? I rarely get to see an underground facility." Jack looked at General Williams for a moment before realizing that this was his attempt to give Sam a few minutes with her old teammates without a commanding officer hanging around.  
  
"Of course." Jack locked eyes with Sam to get her permission to be left alone with these men. Jack was disappointed when she used her eyes to let him know she would be happy to have a few minuets alone with her old friends. Jack ushered the general out into the hall and closed the door. Her laugh floated out the door as he closed it behind him. Damn but that sound should be his!  
  
Jack gave General Williams a quick tour of the upper levels of the mountain. Even Jack didn't know much about these levels and it was obvious. General Williams bumped into an old friend and decided he would meet Jack and the others back in the briefing room at 1400, after lunch with his friend. When Jack returned to the briefing room he found Sam bent over laughing hard. Both Bryans and Williams were laughing with her.  
  
They all followed Jack to the NORAD commissary, which luckily had Jack's favorite Jell-o. Jack took the seat beside Sam. Colonel Marks sat across from Sam, beside Colonel Bryans.  
  
"You introduced me to Jonas." Sam was looking at Bryans as if inspiration had just hit.  
  
"I wouldn't exactly say I introduced you but it was my fault you met him." Jack saw Colonel Marks tighten his jaw and grip his fork a little too tightly. "I gave Jonas and his team a ride. I also picked up what was left of his team. Of course, there wasn't a scratch on Jonas."  
  
"I don't understand. You don't sound like you approved." Sam's smile had faded. "I remember him as the kind of guy who would save me special desserts, hang around to watch me work, tell me stories about his adventures, and make big promises about home. What else was there?" Jack shifted uncomfortably in his chair as Sam described Jonas' attempts to get her attention. It sounded too familiar.  
  
"He certainly did his fair share of courting. He followed you around like a puppy dog for a week after I brought his team back. I kept expecting to find him sitting in the infirmary with his men but instead he was following you. That should have been my first clue."  
  
"Clue?" Sam's obvious confusion spurred Marks to join into the conversation.  
  
"Yeah, a clue that he wasn't right. It's my fault you went out with him. At first, he annoyed you. Then I started teasing you. The other guys picked up on it and you began getting unmercifully taunted daily. You had finally become one of the guys and I ruined it for you. I guess you decided the best way to stop us cold was to have a real relationship with guy. It sure did shut us up. I've been kicking myself for years for being that stupid. I should have known better then to push you into a corner by teasing you."  
  
"So what happened between us?" Sam's face showed her concern. Her memories were still full of the early romance. She couldn't fathom what happened to make all of the men at the table look so uncomfortable. Even Jack looked pained as he listened.  
  
"I never saw it for myself," Bryans looked at Sam and back down at the table, "but some of the guys thought he was roughing you up."  
  
"I saw it. At least I saw the bruises. It was late one evening and I needed to apologize to you for something stupid I had said at dinner. We all knew Jonas was getting shipped back to the states in a couple of days and we had started to breath easier in anticipation of your being free. I didn't knock loud enough on your door. When I came in you were looking in the mirror at some bruises on your arm. I was so furious I just stalked out. It took all my self-control to not beat the crap out of Jonas before he left. We all figured it was over once he left. You never told us anything else and we didn't mention him." Marks looked at his hands through the whole speech. Sam reached out and put her hands on top of his.  
  
"I think I remember that night. We had been goofing around and I hit him on the chest when he said something a little insulting. I meant it playfully but he didn't see it that way. He grabbed me by the arm and told me that he was trained to kill and I had better not push him. I was shocked. I'm sure the look on my face told him how I felt because he quickly let go and tried to explain about how some of his missions affected him. I fell for it." Sam saw the look on Mark's face and her heart sank. "I was a big girl and I made my own choices. None of what happened was your fault."  
  
"Thanks for trying amnesia girl but I know I drove you to him. If it hadn't been for me you never would have fallen for his routine." Marks looked up at Sam and gave her a small smile.  
  
"Don't try and take all the blame. It wasn't just you. The whole team pushed her too far and she paid." Bryans shook his head and looked at Marks.  
  
"Paid?" Marks and Bryans looked sheepish and hesitated, neither wanted to bring Sam the pain associate with the memories of Jonas.  
  
"How about we take this back to the briefing room?" Jack wasn't comfortable thinking about the memories Sam was about to tackle and he didn't want to see her do it in public. Jack escorted all of them back. They each took a couple minutes to fill their coffee cup before sitting back down, in the same pattern as at lunch. Sam looked at Marks, using her eyes to ask him to continue.  
  
"One of the guys saw the announcement in the paper and brought it to me. I couldn't believe in just four months you had agreed to marry the idiot. I called you and found out you had moved in with him. Several of us decided it was our duty to keep tabs on you, just to be sure you were doing alright. I think Henry, Captain Henry Longins back then, was the first one to find out you had been hospitalized. You had a couple broken ribs, a sprained wrist, and a concussion. Jonas was injured too so we knew you didn't sit back and take his crap. As far as I heard you never saw Jonas again. Rumor has it he went crazy and died during a mission a few years ago." Out of the corner of her eye, Sam saw Jack give a small shake of his head but she knew better then to ask at that moment. 


	11. sticks and stones chapter 11

Sticks and Stones Chapter 11:  
  
"Sam?" Sam turned her head to look at Jack. "Do you remember what happened that night?" Sam had told Jack the story years earlier but he wanted her to put the pieces together on her own.  
  
"I'm not sure." Sam bit her lip and creased her brow. The men gave her a few minutes of uninterrupted introspection. "He wanted to move out west. I don't member which base. He asked me to move to be with him. He was really bugging me about it. I didn't want to leave the Pentagon. He thought that meant our rela...relationship wasn't strong enough. At first, I said we could handle the distance. Slowly I began to realize he was right, we weren't meant to be together. Eventually he went too far and called my CO. He tried to get her to talk me into a transfer. My CO didn't fall for it and she told me." Sam took a pause and sipped her coffee. None of the men in room attempted to break her concentration.  
  
"I was mad when I got home. I thought he would apologize but he blew up. I told him the wedding was off. When I turned my back on him to put the ring on the small bar between the kitchen and living room, he slammed me into the wall. Somebody told me later he could see blood in the dent my head left in the wall." Sam paused again. Jack could see her hands were shaking but she tightened her grip on her coffee cup.  
  
"The next thing I knew he was sitting on me, across my hips, and hitting me in the face and the gut. I curled up in a ball. That's when he broke my ribs. Luckily, it had only been a few weeks since my last hand-to-hand combat course. I don't think Jonas ever practiced. I shifted my legs under him and rolled him off me. I tried to run but I was dizzy. He grabbed my arm and pulled me back towards him. I guess that's how I sprained my wrist." Sam stared at the table, slowly nodding her head. He voice was stable. She sounded like she was reciting a lecture at the academy. The emotions tied to this incident were being held tightly within her.  
  
"At first I was acting off instinct. As he pulled me back, I turned myself around towards him. I raised my free arm and elbowed him in the face. He let go, probably out of shock. I probably could have escaped at that point but my anger took over. I think I kicked him hard at least twice and I know when he went down on his knees I used both fists to hit him on the back of the skull. I wasn't in control." Sam's voiced hitched during the last sentence. That was when Jack realized that losing control of the situation, and herself, bothered her more then what Jonas had pulled.  
  
"We lived in a small apartment so I'm sure the cops were notified by our neighbors. They found us both beaten to a bloody pulp, breathing hard, in a tense stand off. The local cops preferred to let the MPs handle military fights so they let the medics check us out while we waited for the MPs. I was shipped off to the hospital before the MPs showed up. I was told later that Jonas was treated and released. They held me for a couple days because of the concussion and my kidneys. Apparently he had bruised them while I was still out cold." Sam shook her head as she remembered lying in the hospital.  
  
"I was more worried about what charges I would face for hitting a superior officer and losing the respect of my peers then Jonas returning."  
  
"You have got to be kidding." Jack's eyes grew wide. "They wouldn't have dared charge you for acting in self defense."  
  
"It stopped being self defense when I didn't take the opportunity to escape and kept going after him, even after he was down." Sam met Jacks eyes and he could see she was serious. He hadn't realized until that moment the nature of the impact this experience had made upon her. "I promised myself as I laid in that bed that I would never allow myself to get into another situation where I would be forced to break so many regulations." Jack knew what she meant, even if she didn't, and had to look away from her.  
  
"The MPs decided we had both learned a lesson and they didn't want to muddy our records when the fight appeared fairly equal. I agreed to let it drop."  
  
"And Jonas? Did he let it drop?" Marks regained Sam's attention.  
  
"No. He wouldn't let me get anything out of the apartment. A few days later, he was mysteriously beaten to a pulp. His being laid up again gave me a chance to get my stuff out of the apartment." Sam looked up at the two men across from her. She didn't attempt to hide the accusation in her eyes.  
  
"Don't look at us. We weren't stationed anywhere nearby." Marks met her eyes without blinking.  
  
"But you know who did it, don't you?" Sam maintained her eye contact with Marks.  
  
"If I did I'd buy them a beer. Hell, I'd buy them a bar if they asked. The ass deserved every blow." A smirk appeared on Marks face. The pleasure he would have received from hitting Jonas was written across his face. Sam shook her head and gave him a small lopsided grin.  
  
"He sent me a few bouquets, which I refused. I got letters at work that I sent back unopened. A couple times, he came to the pentagon but security was tight and my friends made sure he wasn't able to see me. I worked hard to keep my new address and phone number a secret so he never bothered me there. I guess he finally found something else, or somebody else, to entertain him because he drifted away and left me alone."  
  
"I'm still sorry, Sam." Bryans looked her in the eye. "You didn't deserve that."  
  
"Ditto." Marks spoke up before Sam had a chance to respond.  
  
"There's nothing to be sorry for. It was a lesson I needed to learn and I took it to heart." Sam gave a small wry smile but kept her eyes on the table. Sam didn't realize Jack was fight the urge to put his hand on her leg under the table. He felt driven to do something to show her his support but he held himself in check.  
  
"Is that why you're married with 2.5 kids and a white picket fence?" Marks couldn't believe he had said it as soon as he heard it leave his mouth. Sam's head flew up and her mouth gaped slightly open. Jack clinched his fists tight under the table. "God, I'm sorry, Sam. I didn't mean it like that." Sam sat for a moment in shock.  
  
"You're probably right. Maybe as I get more memories back I'll find out that I have had a few stable relationships over the years. Maybe I'll find out that I have chosen to be alone and I'm happy that way. Maybe I'm really screwed up and I haven't been able to find anyone to put up with me. No matter what is the answer, it isn't your fault or Jonas'. If I discover I have any regrets, they will be due to my own choices. That was the lesson I learned, to trust myself, my gut. I learned to not let anyone rule my life. I know what a relationship shouldn't be like. No matter what, it was a good lesson." Sam smiled at the men across from her. It felt good to have these memories. They weren't happy but they were real, they were hers. They made her feel stronger.  
  
Sam asked Marks and Bryans about their current assignments and lives. General Williams entered as Bryans was telling a story about his son pulling his pants off in the middle of JC Pennys when he was three years old. Sam was in stitches and a few moments late standing to salute as the General entered.  
  
"At ease, please. It's good to see you so happy Colonel." Sam's smile was radiant.  
  
"Thank-you, sir. I can honestly say this visit has helped me feel more like myself. The images in my head really feel like mine instead of a story."  
  
"Maybe the key is to force yourself to remember instead of listening to others tell you what happened." Marks gave Sam a warm smile that made her remember other moments of warmth shared with him.  
  
"You might be right. I'll certainly try it."  
  
"Well, I hate to break up the party but our flight leaves soon gentlemen." General Williams motioned for Marks and Bryans to follow. Jack led the procession towards the elevator up to the surface. Sam pulled on Marks' sleeve and coaxed him to hang back just far enough so they could speak quietly without being overheard.  
  
"There's something you haven't told me about us, isn't there?" Sam's eyes radiated her fear and seriousness. She didn't want to open old wounds but she needed this answer.  
  
"Sort of but not really. I had hoped when we were stationed together that we would one day have a future together but my jealousy pushed you into Jonas' arms." Marks put his hand on Sam's shoulder. Jack turned his head enough to see the contact.  
  
"When it all went to hell you sort of dropped off the face of the earth. I wanted to find you but I was too afraid of being rejected." His hand slid down her arm and his fingers entwined in hers.  
  
"I have never gotten over you, Sam. You know where to find me if you ever..." Sam squeezed his fingers.  
  
"Right now I have to find the rest of my life and figure out where I was before this happened."  
  
"I understand, but if you discover you weren't where you wanted to be then look me up. I'd be honored to help you find happiness." Marks leaned over and gave Sam a peck on the cheek. She blushed. Jack coughed and grunted, breaking both officers out of their little world. They walked a bit quicker to catch up, releasing hands as they caught up to the group.  
  
Daniel was waiting at the entrance to give Sam a ride home after she said good-bye to her guests. Sam was surprised that her day of self-discovery had wiped her. After a quick dinner with Daniel at her house, she excused herself and fell into a deep dream-filled sleep. 


	12. sticks and stones chapter 12

Sticks and Stones Chapter 12:  
  
Daniel slept a lot later then Sam, who was up early and ready to get back to the SGC. After banging around the kitchen, hoping to wake Daniel up, Sam decided to strike out on her own. She put on her leathers and went out to her garage. Her bike had been calling to her for over a week and her impatience to get back to the lab convinced her to give in to temptation. Daniel never heard her leave but he found her note when we woke. He knew Jack was going to kill him!  
  
Jack had gotten into a habit of walking past Sam's quiet lab, just to remind himself that she was returning. On this morning he stopped short when he heard humming coming from her lab. He knew she had been working on some naquada generator adaptations but since neither Daniel nor Teal'c had called to say they had brought her to work he wasn't expecting to see her yet. He quietly opened the door and watched her work. Her movements were fluid and the look of concentration on her face made his heart sing. This was the Sam Carter he had been waiting to see again.  
  
"You're early this morning." Sam looked up at Jack and smiled.  
  
"I just couldn't wait to get back at it, sir." Jack felt a small bullet hit him with the word sir. She hadn't called him that in weeks, and he hadn't missed hearing it.  
  
"How did you get Daniel up so early?"  
  
"I didn't." Sam nervously smirked.  
  
"So Teal'c picked you up?" Jack's face had grown serious.  
  
"No." Sam shuffled her feet and looked back at the reactor.  
  
"Then how did you get here this morning?" Jack had moved closer to her bench and was now slightly glaring at her.  
  
"My bike." Sam didn't look up. She knew he was going to lose it. She was suddenly surprised by the sound of laughter.  
  
"I bet Danny is about ready to have a cow!" Sam looked up at him and was surprised to see the amusement in his eyes.  
  
"I was afraid you would be angry." Sam smiled at Jack.  
  
"The last thing I want to do is stunt your recovery. If you felt ready to drive then I'm glad you did. You didn't have any trouble did you?" A little frown of worry creped onto Jack's face as the prospect of Sam crashing occurred to him.  
  
"Not a bit. As a matter of fact, it felt great. If I feel like that when I fly I can understand why I was driven to be a pilot."  
  
"Your real goal was astronaut but we lured you away."  
  
"That sounds familiar although I am having trouble figuring out why you kept me."  
  
"What do you mean? Without you we wouldn't have gotten this program running and since then you have saved the world, and me, more times then I care to count." Jack leaned down onto the bench so his face was close to Sam's.  
  
"I've been getting flashes of our first meeting. I made an idiot of myself. I asked you to arm wrestle and talked about dolls."  
  
"I did wonder about you a little bit but I knew if you had the guts to take me on in that room in front of all those men then you would be worth keeping. General Hammond wouldn't have let us go on if we were making complete fools of ourselves."  
  
"You mean you were purposefully pushing me to see if I would stand up for myself?"  
  
"Yep. It worked beautifully." Sam blushed and shook her head.  
  
"That's a pretty unusual command style, sir." There it was again, sir. Jack forced himself to repress a shutter.  
  
"That's me, pretty unusual. Have you remembered anything about our missions?"  
  
"Random images that don't make much sense." Jack nodded and stood up to stretch his back.  
  
"Would you like to read our mission reports?"  
  
"Yeah, assuming their not all as tough as my technical reports. I've only managed to make it through about ten of those. I sure love to use big words and write long sentences. Half the time I've forgotten what the beginning of the sentence meant by the time I get to the end."  
  
"Don't feel bad, your reports always make me feel the same way." Jack smirked as Sam gently hit his arm. "Daniel's reports are just as bad. Teal'c's aren't too hard to read but they're dry. I'd recommend beginning with mine. My reports would give you the big picture and you can use yours to fill in the details."  
  
"I would appreciate that, sir."  
  
"Alright, I'll have copies of my reports sent to you this afternoon. You should be able to find yours on your computer. Don't try to tackle too many in one day. We had some stressful missions and I don't want you to overwhelm yourself."  
  
"I'll be careful, sir." Jack nodded and moved towards the door with both hands in his pockets. He stopped and turned back towards Sam as he reached the door.  
  
"As a matter of fact I would prefer if you would discuss what you remember each night with either Daniel, Teal'c, or myself. That way I won't worry your leaving here bogged down by something you read or remembered."  
  
"If you insist."  
  
"I do. I'll let Danny and Teal'c know, that way you won't be able to ignore my order." Jack gave her a small grin as he began to turn back to the door.  
  
"Do I often disobey orders?" Sam's voice was mixture of concern and amusement.  
  
"Only when it matters, Colonel. Only when it matters." Jack left Sam wondering what he meant. 


	13. sticks and stones chapter 13

Sticks and Stones Chapter 13:  
  
"How's it going, Sam?" Daniel stood in the doorway to Sam's lab watching her lost in concentration as she read a file.  
  
"It's going pretty well." Sam smiled and looked over at Daniel. "I think I've done everything I can to the reactor. I'm sure I could build one in my sleep now."  
  
"That's pretty useful, especially considering how often we get trapped off world without a DHD." Daniel walked over the Sam bench and sat on the stool across from her. "Interesting mission?"  
  
"Yeah, I was sitting here trying to picture the dress I had to wear."  
  
"Oh yeah, I remember that. You looked great. Blue is really your color."  
  
"I'll remember that the next some male chauvinists pigs force me to dress funny. As I recall you weren't much help mister do as the natives do." Daniel smirked and looked down at the table. His eyes were glittering with a repressed laugh.  
  
"As much fun as it would be to sit here as you recall how much help I was during that mission, I actually came up to talk about the dialing program."  
  
"What's wrong?" Sam's brow creased as she switched from friendly bantering mode to work mode.  
  
"I'm not sure. I went down to talk to Jack and I found him trying to calmly listen to Simmons tell him about a problem with the program. There aren't any off world teams in trouble right now but Simmons is worried about being able to receive the next team."  
  
"I've read over the program. I understand the basics of what I wrote but I'm afraid I don't remember most of the modifications I made since then."  
  
"I think that would be alright. Simmons knows the program almost as well as you but he doesn't have your flare for coming up with creative solutions. If you think out of the box he would make sure you didn't screw anything up."  
  
"Then let's go down and see what I can do." Sam stood and motioned Daniel to move towards the door.  
  
"Jack doesn't exactly know I'm here. They're hoping to not have to bother you."  
  
"So you want me to act like I just happened to show up at the right time." Daniel smiled.  
  
"Yeah, you got it." Sam shook her head at Daniel big grin.  
  
"I'll see you later, Daniel." Daniel gave Sam a quick peck on the cheek and moved out the door.  
  
"Later!"  
  
Sam had only been to the control room a few times over the last couple of months but she knew the way without asking, thanks to all the trips to the briefing room. She wasn't surprised to see two technicians and Simmons sitting in front of the computers. Jack was pacing behind them and scrubbing his face with his hands.  
  
"Ok, Lieutenant, is it safe to assume that you aren't sure how to fix this?"  
  
"No, sir. I have determined that the gate is accurately receiving the incoming wormhole. What I haven't figured out is why the event horizon seems to be fluctuating. It could be nothing or it could mean the wormhole isn't stable. I just need some more time."  
  
"Could you use some help?" Jack spun around when he heard her voice. He had hoped to not bother her with this but obviously somebody else had decided she was invaluable.  
  
"Do you feel up to it, Colonel?" She knew Jack wasn't asking if she was physically feeling well enough to work. He was worried her mind might not come up with the necessary memories.  
  
"I've studied a lot of my pentagon work. I hope that as I work the more recent changes will become apparent. I'm sure Lieutenant Simmons will make sure I don't mess up anything." Sam smiled down at the lieutenant who blushed and looked away.  
  
"Then I'm sure the lieutenant would appreciate your assistance, Colonel." A young sergeant, who had been sitting beside Simmons got up and let Sam have the chair. Jack watched for a few minutes. It was obvious that Simmons was feeding Sam technical words her brain was not able to pull out it's depths but she seemed comfortable enough with the program. Jack retreated to his office, with a smile on his face.  
  
It took a little under an hour for Sam and Simmons to solve the event horizon fluctuations. Sam came into Jack's office to explain what they had found and fixed. He listened but was quickly lost. It felt right. It felt good. She still wasn't the Colonel Carter who had stepped through the gate several weeks earlier but she was beginning to remind him of Captain Carter. He smiled. He liked Captain Carter. Of course, Major Carter and Colonel Carter were really nice too. Sam could tell he wasn't really listening so she didn't feel bad about changing the subject.  
  
"I can remember you and Daniel talking me into wearing that hideous blue dress that came with a veil."  
  
"The Shavadai! I really liked that dress on you. I know it wasn't practical but it went with your eyes." Jack beamed a large smile as Sam shifted uncomfortably in her seat and made a displeased face.  
  
"You liked it because you weren't in it. Maybe if I had been in my own clothes, a kid wouldn't have been able to kidnap me and sell me."  
  
"Point taken." Jack looked appropriately shamed and Sam inwardly grinned.  
  
"What made Daniel say I was a chieftain?"  
  
"He felt like he needed to get them to understand your value and in their system chieftain had more value than any other position. Of course, that meant we were going to have to pay more to get you back. Maybe I should have talked to him more about that?" The gleam in Jack's eyes and grin on his face let Sam know he was jerking her chain.  
  
"I did enjoy getting to put Thurghan in his place. I certainly owed him a few punches after his 'punishment' from when I tried to escape."  
  
"What do you mean? You told me he didn't lay a hand on you before we showed up." Jack's concern and a low level of anger creased his brow and made him sit forward in his chair.  
  
"Well...." Sam tried to remember why she hadn't told him the truth, "it wasn't a hand really. He whipped me."  
  
"WHAT! Why the hell didn't you tell me? Why wasn't it in the medical report?" Jack scooted his chair towards the desk. He locked eyes with Sam as he yelled and reached for the mouse.  
  
"It was in the medical report." Jack looked away from Sam to his computer screen. George had been wonderful about keeping his files organized. There was a folder for each year. Within the year folders there was a folder for each team. Within each team folder were copies of all the reports that were required to be produced after a mission. It didn't take him long to find the medical report.  
  
"I convinced General Hammond to talk to Dr. ......I can't remember his name. He talked to the doctor and convinced him to let me stay on active duty. He also agreed to not mention my injuries to you or the rest of the team. He did delay our next mission a few days, just to be sure I was ok." Jack was still dumbfounded. He never thought General Hammond would keep something like this from him. Jack opened the file and read about the whipping wounds and bruising across Sam's back. Dr. Warner had recommended a couple days off duty followed by a week of light duty. Jack opened General Hammond's report. He recommended a couple days of light duty for Sam. Jack looked back up at Sam.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"From what I remember of our first meeting, I came off as a big geek and you didn't like geeks. I was trying to prove myself to you. General Hammond understood my reasoning, although he didn't agree with me. He thought I should tell you. I was just worried you'd become over protective, if you even let me stay on the team. It wouldn't have been so bad except that mission seemed to revolve around the fact that I was female. The last thing I wanted was to make my sex even more of an issue. What would have changed if you had known?" Jack met Sam's eyes. She wanted the truth and he took a few moments to try to go back in time.  
  
"Knowing you like I do now we would have waited until you were ready to go through the gate. I'm not sure how I would have reacted back then."  
  
"You would have left me here and gone on the next mission. You probably would have questioned my place on the team. Enough other people questioned having women on off-world teams after that mission. You easily could have joined them if you had suspected I had been hurt."  
  
"It's possible, but it still wasn't safe for you to go to the land of light if you were injured."  
  
"General Hammond wouldn't have let me go if he had believed I was incapable of taking care of myself and performing my duties. Did I do anything while we were in the land of light that made you question my abilities?"  
  
"No.... no, nothing, well, unless you count after we got back the first time."  
  
"I haven't read that report so I don't know what you're talking about." Sam looked a little bit worried but the gleam in Jack's eye had returned and his grin spread.  
  
"I bet you still don't wear that tank top."  
  
"Tank top? Oh God, the locker room. I jumped you in the locker room!" Sam's shocked caused her eyes to widen and her mouth the drop open.  
  
"Say it a little louder, Colonel. I'm sure the base grape vine needs more ammunition on us."  
  
"Sorry, sir. I just can't believe after I acted like that, you didn't court martial me."  
  
"You were sick. Heck, I punched Daniel. None of us were acting like ourselves."  
  
"And that's when I met Janet?"  
  
"Yeah, the beginning of a beautiful friendship." Jack looked back at the computer screen as he attempted to hide his sorrow.  
  
"Cassie told me a lot about her. It'll be nice to get back my own memories of our time together."  
  
"You keep working and it will all come back, day by day. I think you've done enough for one day. How about I call Teal and Daniel so we can find Cassie and go to dinner." Jack reached for the phone and smile.  
  
"Cassie's still staying with Daniel. We can pick her up there." There was no missing the look of sorrow on Sam's face.  
  
"She'll come home soon, Sam. It was just hard living in your place while you were still being kept here. She's lost lots of people in her life, and she came too close to losing you. She just needs time."  
  
"I know. I don't even remember meeting her or hanging out with her, yet I still feel lonely without her. It doesn't make much sense. Hell, none of this makes much sense. In my mind Daniel is still a geeky civilian who just lost his wife and Teal'c just left the service of Apophis to help us. It's obvious by the way they treat me that our relationship has changed a lot since then."  
  
"Yes, it has. Trust your gut until your mind catches up."  
  
"I've tried that, sir. My gut hasn't been the most reliable." Jack knew she was referring to her feelings towards him. She hadn't tried to touch him since he had pushed her away. Come to think of it, this was the first time they had been alone since then. Jack just nodded and picked up the phone. 


	14. sticks and stones chapter 14

Sticks and Stones Chapter 14:  
  
After dinner, the guys and Cassie watched Sam ride off on her bike towards home. She had made it clear she felt fine at home alone, so with a bit of reservation they let her leave. Jack caught Daniel before he and Cassie headed home.  
  
"Daniel."  
  
"Jack?" Daniel turned to see Jack walking quickly towards his car.  
  
"I have a bunch of overstuffed shirts to entertain tomorrow." Jack dug his hands into his pockets and shuffled his feet.  
  
"Ah, the joys of being in charge." Daniel smirked.  
  
"Yeah, right. Anyway, Carter will probably get to the mission reports about Hanson tomorrow."  
  
"I'll make sure I'm around." Jack grinned and looked up at Daniel.  
  
"Thanks."  
  
"Don't mention it."  
  
Daniel was surprised to find Sam already in her lab, reading reports, when he came in the next morning. He would never understand her desire to be up so early. Why didn't she need more sleep?  
  
"Morning, Sam!" Daniel was chipper as he strolled into the lab.  
  
"Daniel." Sam did not return his enthusiasm. Daniel figured she must have made it to the Hanson mission already. It amazed him how Jack could call them!  
  
"Whatcha' reading?"  
  
"Old mission reports."  
  
"Hanson?" Sam looked up. Daniel wasn't sure but he thought he saw the beginnings of a tear in one eye.  
  
"Yeah, how'd ya know?"  
  
"Jack said you might get to that one today. What do you remember?" Daniel sat down on a stool beside her table.  
  
"He thought I was going to fall back into his arms. He tried to kill Colonel O'Neill. In the end, Jonas was exposed as a murdering fraud and killed by the natives." Sam avoided making eye contact with Daniel as she gave her monotone report. He reached out and put two fingers under her chin. He lifted her face.  
  
"There wasn't any way you could have known. Thanks to you, we were able to get in close enough to save Lieutenant Connor and the natives."  
  
"I know you're right, but it doesn't make it easier to find out your ex-fiancée is a lunatic."  
  
"Ok, I'll give ya' that one. Have you made it past that mission?"  
  
"Yeah, I was reading about Colonel O'Neill's son when you came in." Daniel realized that her emotions were more related to Jack then Jonas. That was a good sign.  
  
"General."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"It's General O'Neill now."  
  
"Right, sorry. It's just so easy to think of him as Colonel O'Neill since that is as far as my own memory reaches."  
  
Jack spent the morning with different dignitaries, both on the phone and in person. He was so glad to have a break for lunch! He headed straight down to Sam's lab, concerned about how she was dealing with the mission reports. He was thrilled to hear her laughter as he approached the door.  
  
"I can't believe he ate the cake! What kind of fool would eat cake offered by some half dressed desperate alien!"  
  
"Only Jack!" Now Jack could hear Daniel had joined in the laughter. Just as he was going to back away and pretend he hadn't heard his friends laughing at his expense, he was given a friendly shove by Teal'c, who had sneaked up behind him.  
  
"I believe O'Neill learned a valuable lesson that day. I have noticed he carries more ready to eat meals with him since that mission." Daniel and Sam tried to sober up when Jack and Teal'c entered the room. Jack's displeasure was obvious.  
  
"I don't see what's damn so funny. You wait until you're over a hundred and see who's laughing." Daniel and Sam both had to stifle a grin and look away.  
  
"I came here seeking companionship for my mid-day meal. Who will join me?" Sam and Daniel got up and followed Teal'c without speaking. They were both afraid they would laugh if they opened their mouth. Sam was sure if she laughed, Jack would bring her up on multiple charges of insubordination.  
  
After lunch, Daniel went to his lab to catch up on the piles of artifacts that were screaming for his attention. Teal'c was scheduled to teach Jaffa techniques (and how to avoid them) to three SG teams. Jack had cleared his afternoon for Sam. He flipped through the folders lying on her desk.  
  
"This all seems so long ago. We were different people then." Jack thumbed a mission folder about Daniel's death, his first death.  
  
"That's what makes this so hard, so weird. In my mind, I'm still Captain Carter, unsure of my place on SG-1 and worried about proving myself. Although my gut tells me I know all of you, very well, my mind keeps saying I just met you. At first, I just blindly trusted the three of you but as more of my memory returns I have to keep reminding myself that my gut instincts are usually more right then my head."  
  
"I'm glad you felt secure with us so quickly, even though you didn't remember us. I don't think I ever realized you felt insecure on SG-1. You always seemed so confident, saving the world over and over with those insane yet brilliant ideas."  
  
"Maybe I developed that confidence over time but right now I feel like a fake and I can't help but wonder how I ever made it to Colonel." Sam gave a weak shy smile.  
  
"Let me help you remember." Jack waved towards her stool, indicating she should take a seat. "Before lunch it sounded like you made it as far as the trip to Cimmera, where Teal'c and I ended up trapped with an Unas."  
  
"Unas?" Sam's brow crinkled.  
  
"Think over grown reptile, one that happened to be the first Goa'uld host." Jack swore he could see the gears in her head moving. He saw the light bulb turn on as her eyes lit with excitement.  
  
"Daniel had to disable the gate, even though it could have been used to save Sha're."  
  
"Yeah, that was a tough choice for him." Jack looked down at the folder on the table in front of him.  
  
When Daniel arrived at Sam's door later, intending to get her off base for dinner and a relaxing night, he found Sam and Jack looking at pictures of Cassie stored on Sam's computer.  
  
"She's beautiful. I'm glad this little girl grew up into the young woman I met the other week." Sam smiled. She mentally tried to shrug off the maternal instinct she felt for this child. She had already met the college age Cassie and she knew Janet had been Cassie's mother, as well as Sam's best friend. Cassie was not her daughter, no matter what her gut was screaming.  
  
"Thanks to you." Daniel stepped into the room as he spoke.  
  
"Me?" Sam turned towards Daniel as Jack looked up.  
  
"Yeah, you found her on the planet. She took an instant liking to you. When we found out she had a bomb in her chest you decided you wouldn't leave her to die alone." Sam's eye grew wide.  
  
"A bomb? Why would anyone put a bomb in a child?" The innocence that crept into Sam's voice caused Jack to shiver. The Goa'uld had extinguished that innocence in all of them over the years.  
  
"I remember crying in an elevator. I left her even though she had woken up." Sam was wringing her hands and staring at the blank wall. "I couldn't leave her alone, waiting to die. My heart told me she would make it and when she did, I didn't want to open that door and find a terrified child. She had lost too many people and I didn't want to make her list of losses any longer by disappearing when she needed me."  
  
"The bond you two had already established grew even stronger that day." Jack smiled at Sam and lightly touched her hand. Sam looked at their hands and then into his eyes.  
  
"You gave her a dog and Janet adopted her."  
  
"Indeed." Jack let go of Sam's hand as they both looked over at Teal'c who had quietly entered Sam's lab.  
  
"I didn't keep her because...." All three men stopped moving. Sam had never really explained her reasons to any of them. Daniel had always been surprised Sam hadn't adopted Cassie. Teal'c had taken the opportunity, while in the park with Cassie, to hint that Sam would make an appropriate choice for her mother. Jack had never mentioned it. Sam shook her head for a moment and then looked up at Teal'c.  
  
"Are we going to dinner or is there a party scheduled for my lab and I didn't get the memo?"  
  
"I had come in anticipation of getting an evening meal together." Teal'c gave Sam a nod and slight smile. He understood the discussion had ended. Daniel, confused but not willing to explore the issue, followed Teal'c out the door. As Sam moved over to turn off the light Jack touched her shoulder. She turned to face him.  
  
"Why?" Jack watched as Sam's eyes saddened and she looked away.  
  
"Because I didn't want to give up SG-1 and I didn't think I could do both." Jack nodded. He could have argued with her, told her Daniel, Teal'c and he would have helped but he knew it was the past. Her choices still felt raw for her and pointing out possible errors in her past reasoning wouldn't help her deal with decisions that couldn't be changed.  
  
"She grew up very happy and you are very close to her. Janet never would have had a chance to be a mother if it hadn't been for you and Cassie. She loved being her mother and Cassie was lucky to have you both." Jack flipped the light off and motioned Carter to precede him out the door. Her shy smile was answer enough for Jack. She accepted what she couldn't change and would be ready for more tomorrow. 


	15. sticks and stones chapter 15

Sticks and Stones Chapter 15:  
  
It was a little past midnight. Jack scowled and turned off the television, disappointed after watching the Cubs lose a fourteen-inning baseball game by three runs. He had just turned off the lights and pulled up the covers when the phone rang. He didn't hesitate as he rolled over and grabbed the handset.  
  
"O'Neill."  
  
"Sir, I'm sorry it's so late." Carter's voice sounded shaky. He was instantly alert.  
  
"I wasn't asleep yet. What's wrong?" Jack sat up as his heart race slightly increased.  
  
"It was a dream, sir. It was just you and I. It was cold, colder then I have ever imagined, and you were hurt. I couldn't get the gate to work and I ended up leaving you. You died and I couldn't save you." She wasn't able to hide her sobs. Jack wanted to run out to his truck and drive over but he knew he didn't have the right.  
  
"Right beginning but you got a bit off track in the middle and since you called me and I answered the end is most definitely wrong." Jack hoped the levity would help calm her down. The slight giggle mid sob gave him a hint that it was working.  
  
"No giggling." Jack smiled as he said it, thinking back to his side arm comment. It must have jogged the same memory for her because he heard her gasp.  
  
"We were conserving body heat and I asked about..."  
  
"Yeah, that was the first time I got a peek at your wicked sense of humor." Jack swore he could feel her smile through the phone.  
  
"You talked to Sara when you thought you were going to die."  
  
"I didn't know that." Jack ran his hand through his hair. He had to think hard to remember what else was happening in his life then. "I guess that was around the time when Sara and I finally reached some peace in our divorce, thanks to the crystal Charlie."  
  
"Yeah, Daniel and I talked about that earlier. I'm sorry about Charlie." Sam was back to sounding depressed.  
  
"Thanks. You know we were both laid up for a while after that trip to Antarctica. As the only two patients in Macmurdo, we had a chance to get to know each other, even if I didn't find out about your mole until later."  
  
"My mole? You know about my mole!" Jack couldn't help but laugh. "Sir?"  
  
"Tomorrow, Carter. Tonight get some sleep, peaceful sleep."  
  
"How am I supposed to sleep thinking about you knowing about my mole?" Jack just laughed.  
  
"You still have several years of memories left to tackle. That reminds me, stop trying to get so much back at one time. A month or two a day is enough."  
  
"Easy for you to say, sir. Your memories aren't haunting you, tempting you with illicit images, day and night."  
  
"Illicit images?"  
  
"I don't mean it that way, sir."  
  
"Night, Carter." She rewarded him with an exasperated sigh.  
  
"Night, Sir."  
  
Despite Jack's good intentions, he didn't make it to Sam's lab until after their usual dinner hour the next night. Everything in her lab was dark and closed up. He knew Daniel and Teal'c wouldn't have let her stay and work. They had all teamed up to make sure she felt supported, perhaps even smothered, as she worked to recover her memories. Jack went back to his office and called Sam's house.  
  
"Hello, Carter residence."  
  
"Hi, Daniel. I missed all of you today so I thought I would call and see how Sam did today."  
  
"It was going pretty well until we got Sam home." Daniel's voice got softer as he spoke.  
  
"What happened?"  
  
"There was another message from Pete on her machine. I've explained at least a dozen times that we are slowly helping her get her memories back, the oldest ones first, but he insists on seeing her now. She's upset that we hadn't told her about him." Jack heard a scream.  
  
"Daniel?"  
  
"I don't know. I gotta go!" Daniel hung up the phone. Jack was out the door as fast as his old knees would carry him in the slick dress uniform shoes. It took twenty minutes to get to Sam's door. Jack didn't bother knocking; he just let himself in through the front door, prepared to attack if necessary. When Jack got to the living room, he found Sam on the sofa curled up in Daniel's arms sobbing. Jack nodded at Teal'c and they both stepped into the kitchen, where they could still see Sam, but talk without being overheard.  
  
"What happened?"  
  
"Jolinar." Jack didn't need any more of an explanation. Jolinar had torn Sam to pieces and he hated knowing she was going through it again. Jack watched as Daniel rocked Sam. He felt the jealousy in him rise and he stamped it down. Daniel was like her brother and more then capable of providing her comfort.  
  
"She died to save me."  
  
"Yes, and in the end her memories and the parts of her you still carry have saved us time and again. You ended up seeing your experience with Jolinar as a painful blessing."  
  
"Right now that seems hard to believe." Sam closed her eyes and leaned heavily on Daniel. All three men decided they were camping at Sam's that night. They had each left a change of clothes in her spare room so they were prepared to spend the night as she recounted one of her most difficult trials.  
  
As sunlight crept into Sam's room Jack rolled off the air mattress he had placed at the foot of her bed. Sam turned from the window, where she had been watching the sunrise, as she heard him hit the floor.  
  
"Morning, sir."  
  
"Carter?"  
  
"Yes, sir?"  
  
"Up so early?"  
  
"I had a hard time sleeping, sir."  
  
"Right." Jack struggled to fight off the blankets wrapped around him so he could sit up. The site gave Carter a reason to grin, just slightly.  
  
"I remember how hard you worked to get me to smile after Jolinar. I wonder if I would have made it back from that with out SG-1, Janet, and Cassie."  
  
"That's what friends are for, Carter." Sam grinned again and turned back to the window.  
  
"The zoo was the best. You spilled your ice cream all over your lap and bought Cassie everything she wanted. Janet tried to act mad but she adored seeing how you loved Cassie. She liked the way you spoiled her but she swore me to secrecy."  
  
"I always knew there was a soft heart behind that pocket full of needles." Sam turned back towards Jack.  
  
"Thanks for staying last night." Sam walked over and sat on the edge of her bed, near where Jack was sitting on the floor beside the air mattress.  
  
"No need to thank me, Daniel was the one who really helped."  
  
"Just being here helped."  
  
"I'm gonna go make some coffee." Jack slowly stood, wincing as his knees popped.  
  
"Thanks, sir." Jack just nodded as he closed the door behind him. He stood in the hallway for several minutes. The sound of the shower woke him from his reflections and he went to the kitchen to get the coffee started. He didn't want to be responsible for having Daniel try to live more then five minutes without coffee. 


	16. sticks and stones chapter 16

Sticks and Stones Chapter 16:  
  
Daniel came into Sam's lab carrying a bowl of chocolate ice cream with pieces of Reeces cup mixed in it. He had a sheepish look on his face as he crept closer to her desk. She pretended she hadn't seen him until he spoke.  
  
"Hi, Sam."  
  
"Oh, hi Daniel. Whatcha got there?"  
  
"Ice cream, your favorite flavor, chocolate with chocolate peanut butter candy pieces." Daniel gave her a weak smile.  
  
"Wow! Thanks! What's the special occasion?"  
  
"Teal'c told me you read about the virtual reality mission before lunch. I figure by now that means you've read about my little trip in the sarcophagus." Sam picked up the spoon and began slowly enjoying every bit of the ice cream. The only thing that could have made it better would have been a waffle cone!  
  
"Yeah, I read that one and I just finished the one with the probe we found on the dead world. What does that have to do with ice cream?" Her eyes sparkled as she looked at Daniel. He wasn't sure if her eyes were indicating she knew perfectly well why he was bring her ice cream, or if she was just enjoying her dessert.  
  
"I said some really awful things to you while I was coming down off my sarcophagus high."  
  
"Yeah, but that was years ago."  
  
"True, but it probably feels very fresh for you. I just figured if you were living it all over again then I needed to make amends all over again." Daniel's sheepish grin broadened.  
  
"I like that theory! Does this mean I need to apologize every time I remember something awful I did to you?"  
  
"Only if it means we share the ice cream." Daniel sat down beside Sam as they both enjoyed a warm laugh. Daniel pulled a second spoon out of his pocket and took a bite. "I still don't understand why this is your favorite flavor."  
  
"Like vanilla is really worth all the fuss." Sam leaned over and nudged Daniel's arm with her shoulder.  
  
"I'm just glad you remember I like vanilla best."  
  
"Me too."  
The images from missions she couldn't even piece together were plaguing her dreams. She rarely slept more then two or three hours. Every time she woke she would write down what she had seen in her dreams so she could talk to one of the guys the next day. This night she happened to have stayed at the SGC after working late to update one of the dialing protocols. General O'Neill had been assigning her more real work to do so she wouldn't read so many missions in one day. He was worried she was trying to hard to remember it all at once.  
  
Sam got up after writing down the images she could remember from her latest dream. She wasn't ready to sleep again so she decided to check out what was available in the commissary. She hadn't been expecting to run into General O'Neill on the way.  
  
"Morning, Carter. Are you getting up or getting ready to go to sleep?" She could tell from his tone that neither answer was going to make him happy.  
  
"Neither really, I woke up and decided I needed something to drink before trying to get back to sleep."  
  
"Did something wake you?" His tone had softened into one of concern.  
  
"Just the usual flashes of images that I don't understand yet."  
  
"Would you like to talk about it?"  
  
"That's alright, sir. I'm sure you're busy."  
  
"Not really. A drink the commissary with a friend sounds like a great idea." He swung his arm out, telling her to lead the way. He grinned as he followed her down the hall. They each got a cup of decaf coffee and sat at a table.  
  
"So tell me about these images." Jack swirled the coffee in his cup.  
  
"There was an old man lying in the infirmary. He seemed very familiar. I think he was dying." Sam's eyes hazed over as she spoke.  
  
"Does the name Machello ring a bell?"  
  
"Not really."  
  
"He was some crazy anti-Goa'uld scientist that made all sorts of weird machines. One of them allowed him to exchange bodies with Daniel."  
  
"You mean Daniel was the old man?"  
  
"For a while. You figured out how to switch us all back before the old man's body gave out. What else did you see?"  
  
"A small bald child and you dressed very casually with Teal'c, who had lots of hair, in front of a multi-colored psycodelic bus."  
  
"The harsesis and our trip to 1969."  
  
"We've been to 1969?"  
  
"Yep. It was a wild trip. Of course a lot of people say the same thing about 1969 but it was different for us."  
  
"How did we get sent back in time?"  
  
"Sun flares."  
  
"Then how did we get back? I can't predict a sun flare."  
  
"General Hammond sent a note with you that gave us the date and time of the next two flares."  
  
"How did he know to do that?"  
  
"He was one of the first people we met when we got to 1969. Can you believe he actually made me pay him back the money I owed with interest?"  
  
"You did promise, sir. That much money had to have been hard to earn as a lieutenant in 1969."  
  
"You remember?"  
  
"I think so. We were sitting around a fire when two people walked up asking for an explanation."  
  
"Michael and Jenny, good kids."  
  
"Yeah, they turned out alright you know."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"I checked them out when we got back. They're married and have four children. Michael became a banker and Jenny sold real estate."  
  
"That seems so... normal."  
  
"Yes, sir." Sam grinned.  
  
"Anything else floating around in that head of yours tonight?"  
  
"This morning." Jack looked up at Sam, obviously confused. "It's a little after two am, sir."  
  
"Right, so any other images?"  
  
"No, sir. I'm assuming since you said the bald kid was the harsesis that we found Sha're's son."  
  
"Oh, yeah. The ancients adopted him. He gave Daniel a hard time by showing him why he couldn't remain on Earth with all the knowledge of the Goa'uld stuck in his head."  
  
"Poor Daniel."  
  
"Yeah, it was rough on him, but he understood." Jack and Sam both looked around the room getting a little nervous about the silence.  
  
"Daniel said Pete called again."  
  
"Yes, sir. I talked to him today. I told him my memories were coming back in increments but I hadn't yet made it to the twenty-first century. He's going to come by this weekend."  
  
"If he loves you he will be there when you are ready, and not pressure you to remember everything right away."  
  
"I suppose. I get the feeling Daniel and Teal'c don't approve of him."  
  
"They haven't said anything bad about him to me. Have they said something to you?"  
  
"No, it's just a feeling."  
  
"We havrn't really had a chance to get to know him yet. It could just be their big brother protection thing kicking in."  
  
"I guess. I should try to get back to sleep. No offense, sir, but you look like you could use some sleep also."  
  
"I'm on my way, Colonel." Sam and Jack both stood and placed their dirty cups on the conveyer belt for returned dishes. As Sam reached the door, Jack put his hand on her shoulder. She stopped and turned to face him.  
  
"Why don't we plan on having dinner at my place tonight at 1900?" Jack gave Sam a slightly embarrassed grin.  
  
"Dinner sounds fine, sir." Sam's face indicated her curiosity. She wasn't sure if this was a team dinner or just the two of them. Her heart fluttered a little at the thought. 


	17. sticks and stones chapter 17

This may not be what you wanted but don't hate me too much yet. I just can't envision a deep relationship at this point in the story. Keep coming back. We are making progress everyday!  
  
Sticks and Stones Chapter 17:  
  
"Welcome to my abode, Carter." Jack waved Cater into the foyer. "Please have a seat in the living room and I'll get you something to drink. Dinner will be ready in about ten minutes."  
  
"Thanks, sir." Jack knew it was pointless to tell her to drop the sir for the evening. They had had that conversation many times in the past and he had never successfully convinced her to stop yet. Jack grinned as he walked into the kitchen to stir the noodles.  
  
Sam decided to follow Jack into the kitchen rather then sit in the living room.  
  
"Can I help?" Jack slightly jumped at the sound of her voice. Sam couldn't stifle her giggle.  
  
"Colonel!" Jack's warning was obviously light-hearted.  
  
"Sorry, sir." Jack handed her a couple plates and the silverware. Sam set the small table while she watched him rinse the noodles and put the spaghetti sauce in a bowl. Jack pulled some salad out of the refrigerator along with a bottle of wine. Sam sat down and Jack served the food and poured the wine.  
  
"Thank-you, sir." Sam smiled up at him. That smile made the whole night worth it for him.  
  
"Don't mention it Carter." Jack sat across from her and began to eat. For several minutes, they ate in comfortable silence.  
  
"The wine is wonderful, sir."  
  
"Thanks, one of the first things I learned as a waiter was to help customers pick the right wine to go with their food. The more wine they drank, the higher the bill, the more tip I earned."  
  
"I have trouble picturing you as a waiter, sir."  
  
"We were all young once." His eyes sparkled as he spoke. "How was your day?"  
  
"I finished a diagnostic on the dialing program. I made notes on some possible upgrades I could begin working on, with your permission."  
  
"I'll be happy to look over the recommendations tomorrow at work." Sam took that comment to mean this evening wasn't about discussing her current work. She could also tell that Jack wasn't just interested in idle conversation. Something told her there was a reason for this dinner, one she hadn't yet discovered.  
  
"Any new memories?" Sam's mind clicked. This must be the reason behind the dinner invitation!  
  
"Flashes, but I ran into a problem with the files so I didn't make it past where we had discussed this morning."  
  
"A problem?"  
  
"Yes, sir. There was a span of several weeks missing from the files. I was going to report it in the morning. I'm sure the files were just misplaced."  
  
"They weren't misplaced. I have them." Jack made eye contact with his plate of spaghetti, not Sam.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"It was an emotionally tough mission, one that got you into a bit of trouble, and I didn't want you to face it alone."  
  
"Ok, I appreciate your concern. What do you have planned?" Sam reached for her wine, hoping the alcohol might help her relax.  
  
"I thought we could just talk about the flashes and let the pieces fall together. Your memories seem to come back on their own when you let them."  
  
"Ok, we can try it." Sam's brow creased as she began trying to isolate a memory, any memory. Jack could see she was struggling.  
  
"You woke up in some kind of chamber. You would have been really cold and covered in a shiny silver blanket."  
  
"With a metal disk attached to my chest delivering some kind of drug. They told me you, Daniel, and Teal'c were dead." Her eyes widened and she couldn't stop her heart from speeding up.  
  
"But obviously they were lying, since we are enjoying dinner together tonight." Jack caught her eyes and saw her relax.  
  
"They were Goa'uld."  
  
"Yeah, Hathor and her cronies to be exact. She was using us to collect current intel about the system lords."  
  
"Until you, Daniel, and I made it out to the fake gate room. She had you snaked!"  
  
"Yeah, not such a great memory for either of us." Jack ran his hands through his hair and down to the back of his neck, a sign of his nervousness.  
  
"What happened to you?"  
  
"A tok'ra operative put me on ice. My next memory is of you rescuing me. Apparently, you and Daniel had been rescued by SG-3. Makepeace told you that I was a casualty and made you leave me." Jack watched Sam's face. He could see the pain caused by the thought that she would have left him for dead, or worse as a host.  
  
"There was a force shield preventing us from getting to the gate. I volunteered to go back and disable to shield generator."  
  
"Alone."  
  
"Yeah, Colonel Makepeace needed everybody else to make the run to the gate and Daniel was injured."  
  
"It also gave you the chance to come back for me, against orders."  
  
"True, but I promise that wasn't the whole reason I volunteered, but it was a good reason."  
  
"I'm afraid Makepeace didn't agree. You took some heat when we got back but since you saved me, Hammond decided to let it drop. He said the accommodation you deserved for saving me cancelled the infraction for disobeying orders. That was a tense meeting in Hammonds office with Makepeace and I debating your fate while you watched."  
  
"That wasn't as bad as our meeting later in the locker room."  
  
"The locker room? I don't remember any meeting in a locker room." Jack saw a slight tremor in Sam's hand as she put down her fork.  
  
"You weren't there. Colonel Makepeace was waiting for me when I got out of the shower the day after we met in Hammond's office. Luckily, I had tied my towel around my chest and it fell mid-thigh. He came up behind me and put his hands on my shoulders." Jack saw her tense, just as she must have when Makepeace cornered her years ago.  
  
"He ran his hands down my arms and took a hold of my wrists. His grip was very tight. He pressed himself against my back. He told me to just listen. He whispered in my ear. I felt his breath on my cheek." Sam's shaking was getting worse. Jack reached out to hold her hand. She looked up and saw the look of shock mixed with concern on his face.  
  
"What did he say?" Jack squeezed her hand in what he hoped was a reassuring manner.  
  
"He told me I had better hope I was never assigned to his unit because he would teach me the real meaning of following orders. He made it clear what would happen to my friends, as well as to me, if I spoke a word about this incident. When he let go of my wrists, he ran his hands under the bottom edge of the towel. I spun around ready to fight but he backed off, laughing as he left the locker room."  
  
"That bastard!" Jack's jaw tightened, as did his grip on Sam's hand. It was her quiet wince that alerted him to what he was doing. "Oh hell, Carter, I'm sorry."  
  
"It's ok, sir. I understand. I never told you did I?"  
  
"No." Jack restrained himself from fussing. He didn't understand why she would have kept this to herself. Didn't she trust him?  
  
"I guess I understood his message and knew I needed to handle him on my own. I'm sorry I didn't tell you, sir."  
  
"It's history now, Carter."  
  
"Where is Colonel Makepeace now?"  
  
"Levenworth." He saw her brows rise in surprise. "Treason. He was working as part of a team that was stealing technology from our allies."  
  
"Then it sounds like everything worked out for the best." Sam gave Jack a halfhearted smile.  
  
"I guess so." Jack was having a hard time not being angry Sam had been so terribly treated and he hadn't been aware of it. He tried to shake it off as he cleared the plates and served the dessert, chocolate cake with ice cream. It meant they would both have to do few extra laps in the morning but the relaxing effect of the chocolate was worth it.  
  
The post dinner conversation moved on to Jack's comments about not waking up as a eunuch when they were getting into Seth's compound and his attempts to be a diplomat with the system lords and Thor. Jack didn't have any trouble using himself as comedic relief to help end the evening on a high note.  
  
Jack walked Sam to the door and held it open for her.  
  
"Thanks for dinner, sir." Sam looked up into his eyes and they were both temporarily transfixed.  
  
"You're welcome, Carter. We should do this more often." Jack took a step closer to her.  
  
"That sounds like a great idea." Sam didn't back away. Jack reached up and put his hand on her upper arm. The ringing of the phone broke the moment. Sam glanced from the phone to Jack.  
  
"I'll see you in the morning, sir."  
  
"Right. Night, Carter. Drive safely." They each waved and Jack stepped inside and closed the door. He heard Cassie's voice on his answering machine. She was bored and wanted to talk. Jack wasn't in the mood so he walked into the kitchen to finish cleaning up. 


	18. sticks and stones chapter 18

I'm sorry it has taken longer then usual but my beta (aka my husband) has been out of town. I promise to make him slave away on new chapters this weekend!  
  
Sticks and Stones Chapter 18:  
  
As the week ended, Sam worked through meeting her alternate self, watching Teal'c die followed by his resurrection (thanks to junior), and the death of Sha're. Daniel seemed very serene and collected about his wife's death. His calmness helped Sam remember this wasn't new for them, just her.  
  
Daniel and Teal'c insisted on hanging around, at least for a little while, when Pete was scheduled to arrive Saturday morning. Sam tried to convince them she would be fine but they refused to leave until they saw he was behaving and not stressing her. What they didn't understand was having them here made her more nervous. She was about to meet her lover, a man she wasn't going to recognize, in front of her friends. She was just relieved that Jack was too busy to attend this social gathering.  
  
The ticking of the mantle clock was driving Sam insane. Pete was ten minutes late! As she turned and scowled at the clock she decided the first thing she was going to do once everybody left was shoot the clock. She had a great internal sense of time, one of the many surprising traits she had discovered about herself the last few weeks, so the clock was unnecessary. She wondered if Pete might have given it to her. As suddenly as she thought it, she wondered where her feelings were coming from. She hadn't met this man yet and she was already angry at him. Was there a reason for this feeling? Had he done something? Was their relationship on the rocks?  
  
A knock on the door brought her to her senses. She moved from the kitchen towards the front door. Teal'c never took his eyes off the television. Daniel stood and faced the door. Sam knew Daniel and Pete had exchanged words several times while she was recovering. Pete had been insistent about being allowed to see her and Daniel had been equally insistent about Sam's need to recover at her own pace.  
  
Her first impression of him when she opened the door was cute but not quite tall enough.  
  
"Hi, Sam!" Pete was very up beat and animated. He handed her a bouquet of roses and a small box of chocolate. "It's so good to see you. I've missed you so much these last couple of months." He stepped towards her, as if he wanted to embrace her, but she stepped back.  
  
"Please come in. We were just getting ready to order some lunch." Sam took another step back as Pete stepped inside.  
  
"We?" Pete glanced into the house and his face hardened as he saw Daniel.  
  
"Daniel and Teal'c are joining us." Sam gave Pete a forced smile.  
  
"We need chaperones?" Sam looked down at the flowers in her hands.  
  
"I don't know you. They're just being overly protective friends but I couldn't tell them no after they way they have helped me."  
  
"You do know me. You know me better then any of the men on your team." Pete put one hand on her arm.  
  
"Not right now I don't. The psychiatrist I'm working with says I can expect my memories to keep progressing from oldest to newest. The way I understand it, memories about you will be in the newest category."  
  
"About us, Sam. Us. There is an us." Pete stepped even closer to Sam. Sam felt rather then heard Daniel shift his weight. Pete got the message and backed off, slightly. Sam took the flowers into the kitchen. When she went out to the living room she decided the atmosphere was too charged.  
  
"Pete, would you like to take a walk in the park before lunch?" Pete turned towards Sam. The happiness on his face surprised her.  
  
"Sam?" Daniel's tone told her everything he felt. Daniel knew he was here to protect her from herself as well as Pete and he couldn't do his job if she left.  
  
"We agreed this was my life, Daniel." Daniel nodded and dejectedly took a seat on the sofa.  
  
"We'll be here when you get back."  
  
"Thanks, Daniel. Why don't you go ahead and order some sandwiches." Pete put his arm out for Sam.  
  
"I'd prefer pastrami with a large Coke." Pete gave Daniel a broad smile. Sam didn't like the feel of superiority radiating from Pete.  
  
They walked in silence for ten minutes. Pete managed to get his arm around her waist as they strolled. He stopped her under a willow oak. He turned towards her, using his free hand to cup her face while his other hand remained on her waist. He leaned in to kiss her. The kiss was soft, gentle, and completely foreign. He knew it as soon as he saw her face.  
  
"It's not there is it?"  
  
"No, I'm sorry, it's not. I'm sure given enough time it will come back but for now I'm not all here." Pete nodded and let go of her face. "I've been averaging about a year's worth of memories a week lately. Daniel says I'm five years behind right now."  
  
"So maybe in a month, huh?"  
  
"Maybe?" Pete could tell she wasn't sure.  
  
"Don't you think if what we had was real you'd be able to feel it, even if you didn't remember it?" Sam recalled how she had known Daniel and Teal'c were important to her, like brothers as soon as she met them. There was also that gut feeling that Jack was not like her brother. She knew she had been drawn to him instantly, even though she had learned it wasn't permitted.  
  
"I suppose."  
  
"I guess that's why your not wearing your engagement ring." Pete picked up Sam's left hand and caressed it with his fingers.  
  
"I...I...had no idea." Sam looked at their joined hands. She was trying hard to find a nugget of feeling for the man standing before her but she came up empty.  
  
"Are you trying to tell me I should just gracefully accept defeat? Don't get me wrong, not many guys can say they lost the best woman in the world to amnesia, but I'm not ready to just give up." Sam grinned and chuckled.  
  
"That sounds so soap operaish."  
  
"Yeah, I guess it does. Does your brother know what happened?"  
  
"Daniel told him I was injured and working through my memories but I haven't been to see him. There are too many classified secrets in this head that might unintentionally escape." Sam shrugged.  
  
"So your own family doesn't even have enough clearance to see you. I guess I really should feel privileged to have made it past your guard dogs." Pete began walking back towards Sam's house. Sam quickly followed.  
  
"Don't be hard on them. They're being very patient with me. I couldn't have done this alone." Pete nodded.  
  
"I know. I just wish it was me you were leaning on." They both stopped and Sam looked into his eyes and saw his pain. She was sorry she had done this to him. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't find it within herself to open up to this man, this stranger.  
  
When they got back to Sam's, Pete declined her invitation to stay for lunch. He gave her a peck on the cheek and climbed into his truck. Daniel heard the truck pulling away and moved towards the door as Sam walked in the door.  
  
"Are you ok?" Sam fell into his open arms.  
  
"Yeah, I guess so." Daniel rubbed her back and felt some of the tension release.  
  
"I'm sorry it was so hard."  
  
"It was harder on him. I could see his disappointment."  
  
"Give it time, Sam. You'll remember." Sam pulled back and looked at Daniel.  
  
"Yeah, but even when I do it may still be over." Daniel's face softened and he nodded. This is what he was afraid of when he told Pete to be patient. Daniel knew Sam and Pete hadn't formed a lasting kind of relationship yet, not like the one she had with the three men she had worked with for eight years. He had been afraid that if Pete visited while Sam's memories still had her agonizing over Jack she wouldn't be receptive to her feelings for Pete. Daniel couldn't explain that to her or Pete, but he had tried to stall their meeting, hoping if he could get them to wait long enough then her heart would be able to see past Jack, as it had done before. 


	19. sticks and stones chapter 19

Sticks and Stones Chapter 19:  
  
Sam's Saturday night was filled with hellish images about a planet of fire and Martouf, the Tok'ra she had already been told was dead. One of the many people she remembered only to find out they had perished. It was clear to her that she had been forced to deal with death often.  
  
Daniel and Teal'c had stayed through diner on Saturday but, at her request, they left her alone for the evening. She tried to sleep, but that was when the nightmarish images began to fill her head. She tried reading books and watching television but she couldn't rid her heart of the awful feeling of watching her father die. Images of being intimate with a grotesque man filled her memories.  
  
By four in the morning, Sam had given up all hope of falling asleep. She decided to go for an early morning drive. She found a quiet spot at an overlook and waited for the sun to rise. While the radio softly played, Sam fell into a light sleep. She jerked awake, covered in a fine sheen of sweat, after seeing Jack get shot, by her own hand. He tried to get her breathing relaxed as the sun peaked over the mountains. Her mind and gut didn't feel as calm as the morning looked outside her windshield.  
  
Without thinking it through, Sam drove to Jack's house. It was barely six in the morning when she pulled into his drive. She paused at his door. She didn't need to do this. She was stronger then this. Just as she had resolved to go back to her car she heard footsteps behind her.  
  
"Can I interest you in some coffee?" Sam turned. Jack was walking up the steps to the door. He was covered in sweat and catching his breath.  
  
"Been running, sir?"  
  
"Yeah, now that I am a desk jockey I have to work a bit harder to stay fit." He gave her a cocky grin as he stepped around her and opened the door. "No offense Colonel, but you look like hell. Did you get any sleep last night?" Jack took off his running shoes at the door and made his way to the kitchen. Sam ran her hand through her hair, trying to improve the way she looked, as she followed him to the kitchen.  
  
"What little sleep I got was filled with rather horrific images of lava, an ugly fat man, and my father dying. I suppose your going to tell me it was another fabulous mission we barely survived."  
  
"You make it sound so awful." Jack handed Sam a cup of steaming black coffee.  
  
"Why do I keep coming back to work each day if this is what I am left with?" Sam put cream and sugar in her coffee and stared at the spoon as she stirred.  
  
"Because we keep saving not only Earth but thousands of Earth's descendents on other planets. It's an ugly job but somebody has to do it, and you do it particularly well. Nobody is better at coming up with ingenious ideas to get us out of scrapes. The Earth would have been doomed long ago if it wasn't for you." Sam was blushing furiously at the praise level at her.  
  
"I'm sure that is true of everyone at the SGC." Jack nodded.  
  
"Yeah, but you still do it more often then most. You also do it with more style." Jack grinned at her over his cup of coffee.  
  
"Style?"  
  
"Oh, yeah. Wait until you read about blowing up stars and taking asteroids through the Earth."  
  
"That doesn't sound like such a good idea." Sam's brow crinkled.  
  
"It was better then letting an asteroid hit the Earth and wipe out all life."  
  
"Well, when you put it that way." Sam smiled. Jack had noticed she hadn't really drunk any of her coffee. She just kept stirring it.  
  
"Listen I have a bunch to work on in my office down the hall. Why don't you lie down on the sofa for a little while and try to get some sleep. I'll wake you up later for some lunch." Sam nodded and set down her cup.  
  
"I'll give it a try, sir."  
  
"I'll be here if you need me." Jack was glad he had gotten her to lie down without having to discuss Netu. That was a conversation he wanted to put off until later. After she lay down, he decided to call Daniel and Teal'c. He invited them over for pizza and a movie that night. He thought discussing Netu should be a team event.  
  
Sam woke up around noon. Jack told her about the guys coming over for pizza and a movie. She decided to go home and freshen up. He watched her leave as a heavy weight descended into his stomach. There was a spark missing from Sam, he just couldn't figure out what was wrong. Jack hoped talking about Netu would help her regain whatever she was missing.  
  
Sam was the last person to arrive for movie night. Jack, Daniel, and Teal'c heard her bike pull into the drive and shared a look of concern. None of them enjoyed the prospect of returning to Netu. Daniel met Sam at the door before she had a chance to knock.  
  
Jack had picked a classic comedy for the evenings entertainment, Caddy Shack. He had always loved that movie and he knew they didn't need any dramas or horrors added to tonight's planned topic of discussion.  
  
It wasn't until about half of the movie was over that Jack noticed the number of empty beer bottles on the living room table. He knew he had only had two, since he wanted to be sober enough to support Sam. He didn't think Teal'c had suddenly started drinking and Daniel didn't usually have more then one beer. That left six empty beer bottles that must have been Sam's. He had never seen her drink that much!  
  
As he was doing the calculations in his head, he looked over intending to quietly exam Sam. To his surprise, he saw an open bottle of scotch on the floor beside the sofa just beside Sam's foot. She had obviously been trying to keep it concealed. He mentally began kicking himself, for having so much alcohol around and for not noticing her slowly try to give herself a raging case of alcohol poisoning.  
  
"Carter?" Jack watched as Sam slowly turned her head in his direction. Her eyes were completely unfocused and the slight movement of turning her head made her slump to her side. She began to giggle.  
  
"Jaaaack?" That was enough to get Daniel and Teal'c's attention.  
  
"Sam, are you alright?" Daniel leaned forward in his chair. Sam continued to giggle as she leaned a little more to her right. Jack moved up onto the sofa to stop her slow descent.  
  
"How much have you had to drink tonight, Carter?" Jack tried to make a stern face instead show his worry. It didn't matter how he looked at her since it was obvious she couldn't even focus on his face.  
  
"Not enough." Her giggling stopped and she pouted.  
  
"Why Sam?" Daniel seemed as hurt as he was worried.  
  
"Why not?" Tears filled her eyes. "This feels better then figuring out that after I spend all day trying not to get killed I come home to an empty house. Pete was probably my last chance and I blew it!" Jack looked over at Daniel.  
  
"I thought you said she seemed fine yesterday after he left!"  
  
"I didn't think she was this upset!" Teal'c noticed as the two men fought that Sam began reaching for a glass she had stuck between the cushions in the sofa. He stood up out of his chair and went over to the sofa. He leaned down and took the glass out of her hand.  
  
"I believe you have partaken of enough tonight, Colonel Carter." Sam looked up at Teal'c. Her face was a mixture of anger and embarrassment.  
  
"Spoil sport. You've been spending too much time with Daniel."  
  
"Hey, what's that supposed to mean?" Daniel turned his attention back to Sam.  
  
"You're a prude, Daniel." Sam couldn't even look in his direction as she spoke. Her head hung down, as if she was looking for her feet.  
  
"Like you're one to talk!"  
  
"Danny, she's drunk. She doesn't have any idea what she's saying. Cut her some slack." Jack knew she needed all of them, more now then ever before. He didn't want to let anything that happened tonight become a roadblock in their relationship.  
  
"Maybe that's why I'm so alone." Sam barely mumbled it but all three men heard it.  
  
"You're not alone, Sam" Daniel knew he shouldn't have responded so harshly to her. All of this was because she was in pain.  
  
"Indeed you are not. We are family and we will always be here for you." Teal'c placed her glass on the bar between the kitchen and the living room.  
  
"It's not the same is it?" Sam's head fell back on the sofa and her eyes closed. All three men looked at her with pained expressions. This evening was turning out even worse then they had expected.  
  
"Do you think it's safe to just let her sleep it off?" Daniel looked at Jack, who he assumed had more experience with being drunk.  
  
"I'm not sure. She may have had more to drink then is safe, but if we take her to the hospital it will end up on her record. I'd hate for this to mess up an other wise beautiful record." Jack was worried inaction could kill her, but turning her in would result in long lasting consequences.  
  
"Can you not help her purge herself of this poison?" Jack's eyes lit up at Teal'c eloquent suggestion.  
  
"Good plan!" Jack got Teal'c to help him take Sam to the bathroom. They woke her up with cold water on her face and forced her to throw up. That at least kept what was in her stomach from entering her blood stream. They kept a vigil all night waking her to get her to drink water. They all knew she would pay dearly for her indulgence the next morning. 


	20. sticks and stones chapter 20

Chapter 20:  
  
"Morning, sleepy head." Jack's quiet tease made Sam turn her head towards faster then she could handle this morning. Jack tried to not wince as he saw her face turn slightly green. Sam took several deep breaths and pulled herself together.  
  
"Apparently I made a real ass of myself last night."  
  
"Luckily it was just us guys and we understand." Jack handed Sam a glass of orange juice. As her hand curled around it their fingers touched. It made Sam's stomach lurch, but in a pleasant manner. As far as Sam could tell, Jack wasn't affected by their slight contact.  
  
"Do you really?" Sam looked up into Jack's eyes as she felt his fingers leave hers.  
  
"Yeah." It was a whisper when he said it. Letting go of her hand had cost him dearly but he refused to do anything to add to her pain. He hadn't seen Sam react to stress like last night since Jolinar. He hated to see her questioning her own worth. He knew her self-esteem occasionally took a beating but it was usually short lived and she picked herself up.  
  
Silence had descended upon them as Sam reached for the bread sitting out on the counter. She could feel him watching as she opened the bread and put a slice in the toaster. Her hands were shaking, making it difficult to work the damn twist tie to close the bread. He saw her struggling and stepped up behind her to help. The feeling of him so close to her made her knees go weak. She was about to lean back onto him when it occurred to her this is how she should have felt about Pete, the man she had apparently agreed to marry. If she gave into whatever was pulling her towards Jack she would be betraying Pete. Her knees regained their strength and she pulled her hand away from the bread.  
  
"Thank-you, sir."  
  
"You're welcome." Jack stepped back and sat down on a stool. Sam went to the refrigerator to peruse Jack's jelly selection. She settled on strawberry. "Any new memories last night?"  
  
"You and Daniel saved Skaara."  
  
"Yeeeaaaahhhh." Jack's hesitant and drawn out reply made Sam nervous.  
  
"Let me guess, he's dead now too, isn't he." Jack looked down at his feet.  
  
"Yeah, well ascended really but that a story for another day." Again, his answer was barely above a whisper.  
  
"Is there anybody I know left alive? I mean why do we keep going through the trouble of saving people when they all apparently end up dead!" Jack stood back up. He put his hands on her shoulders and turned her around to face him. She lifted her eyes to him. The anger and sorrow bit him to the core.  
  
"We have lost a lot over the years but we continue to find each other."  
  
"And that's enough?" Sam's question was calm but destructive. It was a question Jack had repeatedly asked himself over the years. Was he enough to satisfy her? He was too old and bitter for such a young spirited woman. Wasn't he?  
  
"I've been happy with it. You were too."  
  
"I wish I could believe you." She pulled out of his arms and picked up the toast that popped out of the toaster. He handed her a knife and she spread the jelly on the toast.  
  
"I'm going to go get ready for work. Your boss said he'd understand if you took the day off. Hangovers definitely count towards sick leave." Sam shook her head, very slowly.  
  
"If I keep the toast down I'll be ready to go in fifteen minutes."  
  
"Then I'll give you a ride."  
  
"That's not necessary, sir."  
  
"It sure as hell is. There's no way Danny and Teal'c would let me walk out on my own two legs tonight if they found out I let you ride in this morning. Don't worry, if you're sober tonight I'll bring you back and you can get your bike."  
  
"Yes, sir." Jack left to go to his room to change. Sam finished her toast. Her stomach rebelled but she won. Fifteen minutes later, she was sitting in his truck as they left for work.  
  
Sam skipped lunch with the guys, not only because she hadn't regained full control of her stomach but also because she felt like a fool. She hadn't been so out of control since she was a teenager. She wished she could replay last night.  
  
"Hey, Sam. What'cha doing?" Daniel stepped into her lab carrying a plate and glass. The smell of the turkey sandwich gave her stomach a small turn but she held it together. The large glass of lemonade did look appealing.  
  
"Looking over the particle generator schematics. Are those for me?" Daniel stepped closer and put the plate and glass down beside her arm.  
  
"Yep." Sam drink a big gulp of the lemonade and didn't look at the sandwich. First thing first she thought. She wanted to see how she did with the lemonade before she tackled turkey. "You spent a lot of time on that generator."  
  
"And it worked perfectly, after a few adjustments." Sam looked back down at the blueprints.  
  
"A few adjustments? Is that what almost blowing off you arm and destroying the lab is called these days?" Daniel's eyes grew a little wide but Sam could see the beginnings of a smile.  
  
"It was worth it, wasn't it?" She smiled up at Daniel as he took a seat beside her.  
  
"Yeah, it got Jack home."  
  
"Right where he wanted to be." She had said it softly, not really meaning to say it at all. It made her sound so bitter.  
  
"Sam?" Daniel laid a gentle hand on her arm. "You got over this a long time ago."  
  
"I know, it just doesn't feel like it right now, especially knowing he turned right around within weeks of earning my forgiveness and betrayed us all again to stop the NID."  
  
"Another good cause. You know Jack likes being the martyr, always asking to be the first one beaten or killed. If he had lost our friendship saving the world, he would have lived with that. He'd have been miserable but he would have lived with it. What he couldn't live with would be losing us because of something he did out of selfishness." Sam looked at Daniel as if he had turned purple and had yellow flowers growing out of both ears. She hadn't ever seen it that way, at least she didn't remember ever seeing it that way.  
  
"He does that a lot, huh?"  
  
"If you mean trying to sacrifice himself to save us, then yes. That's probably the hardest thing he has had to deal with since becoming General. He isn't out there able to step in front of the next staff blast aimed at us." Sam's hand wrapped around Daniel's. This new insight explained a lot about Jack.  
  
"Have you read about the replicators coming to earth on Thor's ship?"  
  
"No, is that one coming up soon?" Sam waved towards the computer files on the laptop.  
  
"Yeah, as you read it just keep what we have said in mind. He does it for us, even when we don't want him to do it." Daniel gave her a small kiss on the cheek. "Give the sandwich a try, I made it as bland as possible. I know how bad those post team night hangovers can get." Daniel stood and let go of her hand.  
  
"See ya, Sam."  
  
"Thanks, Daniel." Sam took a tentative bite of the sandwich as Daniel walked out. Her stomach began a new wave of rebellion. She decided one bite was going to be enough for a few minutes. Sam put down the plans and went back to her reading. By mid-afternoon she was wrapped up in Daniel's description of Kheb when she heard a noise by the door.  
  
"How are you feeling, Colonel Carter?" Teal'c stood motionless in the doorway watching her closely.  
  
"Better. I'm sorry for behaving so poorly last night." Teal'c took a step into the lab.  
  
"You have nothing for which to apologize. You did not do anything in your inebriated state that would have caused you any embarrassment."  
  
"Being drunk is enough of an embarrassment, isn't it?"  
  
"You have survived worse."  
  
"Like?" Teal'c took two more steps into the lab.  
  
"Such as the time we were required to remove all of our clothing to be examined by the Darlonians."  
  
"Oh, yeah. At least it was just you and I in that room. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have been able to go through with it if Daniel or Colonel....General O'Neill had been in the same room."  
  
"It was you who choose with whom you would share a room."  
  
"That's right. General O'Neill very quietly gave me a choice. I knew I couldn't strip in front of the then Colonel and still maintain his respect. He would have tried but he would have forever have seen me as naked."  
  
"And why not Daniel Jackson?"  
  
"When I was fifteen I walked in on my brother and his girlfriend...doing it in his bedroom."  
  
"Doing it?"  
  
"Having sex, you know intercourse."  
  
"Indeed." Teal'c bowed and Sam grinned. She was pretty sure he was pulling her leg.  
  
"Things between us were never quite the same after that. I knew Daniel would react much the same way."  
  
"So I was your only choice."  
  
"To be honest I didn't put that much thought into my choice at the time. This is mostly just retrospective, a way to justify my choice. At the time, I just sort of knew that you had experienced seeing women strip in non-sexual ways before. I knew you would be better able to put it in perspective."  
  
"A wise choice. I doubt either Daniel Jackson or O'Neill would have ever fully recovered. It would have changed the team dynamics."  
  
"Like they have changed now?" Teal'c nodded.  
  
"Things have changed, but change is not always negative. Your chance to explore your memories has provided us with the opportunity to do the same. We have learned more about ourselves and our motivations. This will help us grow, not destroy us." Sam got up and moved towards Teal'c. She stopped within a couple of steps and looked up into his kind and compassionate eyes, eyes that had seen more horror then she could image and yet still contained hope.  
  
"Thank-you, Teal'c." She took the last step toward him and he enveloped her in his arms. This simple move told her she was safe. They were there for her, if only she would let them be. 


	21. sticks and stones chapter 21

Sticks and Stones Chapter 21:  
  
Daniel and Teal'c started hanging around Sam more since her little drinking escape, just like when she had first been allowed out of the infirmary. Her trip to self-pity land had obviously scarred them. She tried to sympathize with them but they were beginning to annoy her. After repeatedly trying to convince them that she was fine with the whole replicator ship crashing to Earth thing she threw them out of her house.  
  
It was Saturday afternoon and for the first time in days, she was truly alone. She had promised to spend Sunday shopping with Cassie but now that she had told Teal'c and Daniel to vamoose it was quiet, she'd have said peaceful if she wasn't afraid that would curse everything. She cleaned up the house a bit, not that it really needed much attention. Teal'c had turned out to be very fastidious! Finally, she turned on her favorite Evanescence CD, at least Cassie said it was Sam's favorite, and drew up a warm bath. She soaked until her fingers were wrinkled and about ready to sprout mushrooms. She pulled on sweats and a tank top. She ran a brush through her hair and found a book to read.  
  
She was curled up on the sofa reading when the sound of the doorbell grabbed her attention. She sat still, trying to decide if she wanted to answer it.  
  
"Carter, are you in there?" She rolled her eyes and looked at the clock on the mantle. It had only been five hours since she had chased Daniel and Teal'c out the front door. They must have told Jack.  
  
"This pizza's going to get cold if you keep me out here. Don't get me wrong, I could eat the whole thing but I would risk not being able to pass my next physical." Sam had moved to the door while he was yelling. Not only was she willing to use him for his pizza, preventing her from having to cook, but she also didn't want her neighbors to get annoyed. He smiled as she opened the door.  
  
"I guess Daniel and Teal'c called." He looked down at the pizza box and scraped the toe of one boot across her doorstep.  
  
"Yeah, but I would have shown up with dinner even if they hadn't called." Something in his eyes made her believe him. She stepped back and he walked past her to her kitchen. She closed the door and followed his lead. He got out plates and went to the fridge. After a couple of moments, he stood up with two cans of soda in his hands.  
  
"I thought beer went better with pizza." She smiled a bit wickedly at him.  
  
"Not tonight." His response and face were serious, too serious.  
  
"So you're not here just to check up on me. There's a purpose to this visit." Her posture had stiffened as she spoke, going from Sam to Colonel Carter.  
  
"The purpose is us." Jack picked up the pizza box with the plates and drink stacked on top and walked out to the living room. Sam didn't move. She knew her memories had included more and more feelings about him but their current jobs and apparent friendship had convinced her there wasn't an us. After gathering her wits and taking a few deep breaths, Sam joined Jack in her living room. He had already started eating and the sound of him opening his soda can made her jump.  
  
They ate in silence. The tension was rising and they both got nervous. Sam kept running her hands through her hair and biting her lower lip. Jack was spinning the remote, just to keep his hands busy. Sam was the first to break.  
  
"So, you said something about...us?"  
  
"Yeah, I've been keeping up with your progress through the mission logs. Has anybody ever told you that you're a really fast reader?"  
  
"Yeah, my kindergarten teacher." Sam's foot was jiggling and Jack was running his hands up and down his pants.  
  
"It must have been hard to keep you entertained. I bet you were a pistol in school." Jack gave a slight grin.  
  
"I was always little miss goodie-goodie as Mark put it, but I'm not letting you change the subject."  
  
"Right, the subject." Sam let out a very exasperated sigh.  
  
"You said US!" Jack looked surprised at her outburst. He reminded himself this was all still fresh for her. He had been dealing with it for years.  
  
"Right, us. We never said anything, never sat down like this and talked."  
  
"But?" She turned her head to look at him out of the corner of her eyes. His nervousness was palpable.  
  
"On Apophis' new ship, while we were all supered up, we had one of those moments of blinding clarity. You know the kind where you suddenly realize something you really want is about to be taken away from you and you can't do anything to prevent it."  
  
"I remember. You wouldn't leave. I didn't want you to die." Jack reached out and took her hand.  
  
"A couple weeks later we were forced to talk about that moment, to prove we hadn't been brain washed by a Goa'uld."  
  
"That sounds incredibly embarrassing." Sam's eyes had widened slightly.  
  
"And in front of Anise, just to add insult to injury."  
  
"She's the one who likes you, isn't she?" Sam grinned at his obvious discomfort.  
  
"The snake likes Daniel." Sam couldn't stop the chuckle. It made Jack grin. Jack's face sobered. "We decided to keep it in the room so to speak."  
  
"You mean we decided to ignore it, for the sake of the team."  
  
"Something like that, yeah. The timing really sucked too."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"You had to kill Martouf to protect the President."  
  
"Oh." Sam let go of Jack's hand and pulled her knees up to her chest. "I did that?"  
  
"He asked you to do it, so Anise could use his body to figure out the brain washing stuff."  
  
"Oh. So you're here to let me know we decided to just be friends." Her eyes locked with his. He could see a mix of pain and desire.  
  
"That was our decision at the time. We have had reasons to revisit that decision over the years."  
  
"Really?" Her eyebrows rose and a little hope returned to her face.  
  
"In the end the answer has always ended up the same. We aren't more important then saving the world."  
  
"So why come here to tell me this? I would have remembered it all eventually."  
  
"True, but at the time we didn't really ever talk about how we felt or why we made the choices we made. This time I want us to talk about it."  
  
"You want to talk about it?" He turned his body so he was facing her on the sofa. He enveloped one of her hands in both of his.  
  
"Yes, I don't want to leave it hanging between us. I want you to be comfortable telling me what you remember. I don't want to spend the next month or two walking on eggshells, afraid you're going to be mad at me about something stupid I did that hurt your feelings or confused about where things are between us. I want us to talk, everyday if necessary." His sincerity struck a deep chord in her heart. She wanted to lean towards him, wrap her arms around him, and kiss him but he had just said it didn't turn out that way.  
  
"If I didn't know I was engaged to another man when I lost my memories then I would have been tempted to believe we worked out one day. I've thought a lot about that the last couple of days."  
  
"I thought maybe you had been."  
  
"How did you know?"  
  
"You get a certain look on your face when you get all deep and stuff." Jack shrugged a shoulder and grinned.  
  
"Sounds like you know me very well." Jack nodded.  
  
"We are best friends." His fingers were rubbing her hand.  
  
"Just like you and Daniel?" Jack looked into her eyes for several moments before he shook his head three times.  
  
"No." To Sam's surprise, the conversation ended there. Jack picked up the remote and turned so he was facing the television instead of Sam. He put his arm around her shoulders and turned on the television. She woke the next morning in her own bed, wearing the same sweats and tank top she had put on after her bath the day before. She hadn't had any nightmares. She felt more rested then she had in weeks.  
  
There was note beside her bed. She picked it up and opened the folded paper.  
  
Sam,  
  
I hope you rested well. You fell asleep before the end of the second inning. I hung around until the end of the game but you were sound asleep so I let myself out. I'll see you Monday at work. Please come and talk to me whenever your memories make you question anything.  
  
Jack  
  
Sam lay in bed contemplating his words. Perhaps talking to him would make it easier. She hated the thought of continuing on the emotional roller coaster she had been riding the last couple of weeks. Sam smiled as she got up to shower and get ready for lunch and shopping with Cassie. Talk. She could talk. There wasn't anything hard about talking, right? 


	22. sticks and stones chapter 22

Sticks and Stones Chapter 22:  
  
Sergeants Siler and Davis were beginning to worry about General O'Neill. It's not that he was staying much later then usual but he wasn't getting any real work done. He was moving papers on his desk from one place to another and back again. He had rearranged his pencils and pens three times. They had even caught him spinning in his chair. Sergeant Davis was almost ready to go in and ask if he should summon the doctor when Colonel Carter arrived and walked past him to General O'Neill's office. She knocked. Jack had seen her coming; this is what he had been waiting for over an hour to face.  
  
"Enter." He stood as she came into the room.  
  
"Jonah and Thera were..." The pain in her eyes drilled into his heart and made him take a deep breath.  
  
"Let's not discuss this here. I'm done for the evening. Can I give you a ride? Maybe pick up something to eat."  
  
"A ride? Food?" Sam's brow creased and she looked at him as if he was one of the hundreds of aliens that they had encountered. He walked around his desk and put his hand on her elbow.  
  
"Thank-you for coming to talk about this. I do want to talk; I just don't want to do it here. Ok?" Sam looked up at him. The place where his fingers touched her skin began to pleasantly burn. As she searched his eyes, the fog in her head cleared and she nodded. They went straight to his truck, pausing only to sign out.  
  
They didn't speak until they reached an out of the way diner Jack used to frequent, in the year between the first Abydos missions. Jack reached over during the drive and rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand. She just stared out the window, not responding but not pulling away. They sat next to each other in a booth. They both ordered cheeseburgers and fries.  
  
"This is the real reason you came to see me Saturday night, isn't it?" Sam kept her eyes on the napkin she was twisting in her hands. Jack reached over and put his hands on top of hers.  
  
"Yes, I wanted to be sure you knew we could talk about this."  
  
"Did we talk about it back then?"  
  
"Sort of." Her head snapped up.  
  
"Sort of? We had...I mean we made..."  
  
"We made love...twice. I know. I remember. We didn't know we weren't allowed to act on our feelings."  
  
"We never told General Hammond did we?" Jack looked back down at the table and shook his head.  
  
"No, we decided to not muddle the waters until after we talked it out."  
  
"And we decided to drop it?"  
  
"Not exactly. We decided to get to know each other outside of work, casually. Starting at the end isn't the right way to build a relationship. I wanted to know about your third grade teacher, your favorite pet, your first boyfriend. I wanted to start with a first date."  
  
"That sounds like it makes sense. So what happened?"  
  
"We went out, we had a good time, we really got to know each other well." When he looked into her eyes the sadness she saw radiated out and gripped her stomach. She had no memory of their dates nor what they had resulted in creating between them.  
  
"And?"  
  
"That's the part I can't explain. We had bumps, like most couples." He saw the skepticism in her face. "Ok, maybe not like most folks. I got stuck in outer space with Teal'c and scared your socks off. Then I went fishing while you and Daniel fought a Goa'uld, but that was unplanned and you forgave me quickly. We had a great time, and I do mean a great time, on this little beach planet letting some Goa'uld drug wear out of our systems and then there was the time I killed you." As Jack said it, he let go of her hand and began to twirl his fork.  
  
"You killed me?" The waitress arrived with their plates while Sam stared open mouthed at Jack. "It seems I got better."  
  
"Yeah, you did but we didn't. You decided we couldn't have a relationship and remain objective about each other in combat situations. I offered to retire but you said you'd still leave me. It ended faster then we started it." Sam reached out her hand and put it on his arm.  
  
"I wish I could tell you why or how I felt but I honestly don't remember right now."  
  
"But you do remember how it felt to be together underneath the ice planet."  
  
"Yes, I do. None of my other memories can hold a candle to those moments. A big part of me hated leaving." Jack just nodded his head.  
  
"We had better eat before it gets cold. I promise this stuff doesn't improve as it cools." They both grinned and began eating, although neither of them was really hungry. Jack finished first. He watched her twirl her french fry in the ketchup. She always did three passes through the ketchup before eating a fry. It made him smile. It was those kinds of little nuances that he had enjoyed getting to know about her when they had dated.  
  
"Sam?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Please promise me you'll tell me what happened, when you remember."  
  
"I've been thinking about that. As much as I would love to sit here and promise you that I'm not sure I could live up to the promise." Jack's face tensed and his brow creased.  
  
"Why not?" Sam rubbed his arm again.  
  
"I know myself well enough to realize that I had to have had a damn good reason to not have told you what was going on in my head years ago. When I remember what it was I'll have to choose again. I don't know whether the time that has passed will let me be more open." Sam's eyes met Jack's. They both shared a sadness borne of lost opportunities.  
  
"I'll take whatever you can give me, but I won't be complete until I know what I did wrong."  
  
"Are you sure it wasn't the killing me thing?" Jack grinned.  
  
"I blamed myself for several days but you would let me wallow. If I hadn't killed you then you wouldn't be alive today. It was better that I did it then somebody else. We would have gotten past that." The honesty in his words and eyes convinced her. She wanted to ease his pain but the memories were still locked in her head, refusing to show themselves.  
  
Jack paid the bill and gave her a ride back to base. He opened the door and helped her out of his truck. Their hands were still locked. She stepped close to him and leaned up on her toes to kiss his cheek.  
  
"Thank-you, Jack."  
  
"For what?"  
  
"For making me happy."  
  
"You're welcome." Her hand left his and he slowly moved his hand up to his cheek, where he could still feel the kiss. He watched her get in her car and drive off before he moved. He looked towards the mountain, shook his head, and walked to the drivers side of his truck. There was no way he could work any more tonight. 


	23. sticks and stones chapter 23

Sticks and Stones Chapter 23:  
  
Jack kept an eye on Sam the next day. She seemed normal, no indications that he had screwed up her brains with his announcements the night before. She laughed and joked with Daniel over breakfast and discussed the Jaffa rebellion with Teal'c over lunch. He was glad to see her eating again. An announcement over the intercom requested Jack's presence in the briefing room, he was sure there were more diplomats to impress. With a wry smile, he begged forgiveness and left his friends eating.  
  
Teal'c turned right while Sam followed Daniel down the hall on the left. He could tell she was following him but he decided to wait until they got to his office to ask why. She paused briefly in the door leading to his office. He paused as he reached his chair, preparing to sit.  
  
"Come on in and tell me what's going on." Daniel sat down and used his foot to roll the other chair near his seat.  
  
"What makes you think something's going on?" Sam gave him a nervous smile and took the seat he had so casually offered.  
  
"Don't play games, Sam. You may only remember knowing me for four years but I remember all eight. You can't hide from me, even when I let you think you're getting away with it, I really know. What did you remember?" Daniel leaned forward towards her.  
  
"Did you know how I felt about Jack when we went after him and Teal'c in the X-301?" Daniel grimaced slightly. He knew this was coming but it still made him uncomfortable. He had spent years trying to not get mixed up in the emotions Sam and Jack spent so much time trying to ignore. It was tough to ignore since he considered each of them to be such close friends.  
  
"Yeah, I knew, sort of."  
  
"Sort of? Sam raised her eyebrows.  
  
"It was clear that Jonah and Therra had gotten close. I knew you and Jack had to be struggling to return to Major Carter and Colonel O'Neill. I wasn't sure if this time one of you was going to finally give in."  
  
"Give in." Daniel watched as Sam slumped in the chair as she whispered the words. It was like watching the energy drain from her body. Daniel leaned forward and grasped her hands.  
  
"We got them back, safe and sound."  
  
"And General O'Neill and I went right back to being professional." Daniel squeezed her hands.  
  
"Not exactly."  
  
"What do you mean?" Sam's eyes lit just a bit as she focused her gaze on Daniel.  
  
"There was a difference. I doubt anybody, except your closest friends would have noticed. Janet and I really thought you two might have finally decided to accept what we had thought was inevitable."  
  
"Inevitable, huh?"  
  
"That's what we thought at the time."  
  
"But?"  
  
"I'm not sure, Sam. Something changed. I think Janet knew what happened but neither of you ever told me." Daniel looked down at their linked hands.  
  
"Jack doesn't know either." Daniel briefly looked up but there wasn't any surprise on his face.  
  
"I know. I tried to get it out of him once and he finally, grudging, told me he didn't know why things suddenly went sour. He made me promise not to ask you."  
  
"So there are only two people who know what happened. One's dead and the other can't remember." Sam jerked her hands away from Daniel and stood up. She began pacing the room.  
  
"But you will remember. Don't put yourself through this, Sam." Daniel stood and moved to stand behind Sam. He put his hands on her shoulders and pulled her gently back towards his chest. "Let the memories come and remember that no matter what you discover you can always make a new future or pick up where your memories end."  
  
"Thanks, Daniel." Sam leaned into Daniel, letting his strength flow into her.  
  
"Come on let's get out of here."  
  
"What? Why?"  
  
"Because I've had enough for one day and we could both use some fresh air." The twinkle in Daniel's eye made Sam curious so she relented. Daniel called Jack to let him know he and Sam were leaving for the rest of the day. Jack was shocked but pleased. He knew Sam and Daniel spent way too much time inside.  
  
Sam dared Daniel to ride with her on her bike. Daniel had never been on a motorcycle but he wasn't about to admit to Sam that her machine scared the hell out of him. He reluctantly agreed. Their first stop was a small ice cream parlor near the mountain. Although the ride was short, and quick, it was enough time to make Daniel a bit green. He sipped his soda for a long time before he was willing to consider ordering any ice cream.  
  
"So what ever happened to Martin?"  
  
"Oh, yeah, Martin. He ended up writing a show called Wormhole X-treme."  
  
"I saw some of that a couple weeks ago early one morning when I was having trouble sleeping. It was awful and yet strangely familiar."  
  
"Yeah, Martin didn't remember meeting us but his subconscious mind helped him write about us. The Air Force decided to use it as a cover. If anybody tries to reveal anything about the SGC we can innocently look at them and say they've been watching too much late night television."  
  
"Not a bad idea."  
  
"Yeah, the sad part is it turns out his planet was wiped out by the Goa'uld. There was nothing left but ruins. I think he has settled down and gotten married."  
  
"Married? I'd have never guessed that!"  
  
"Yeah, I know. Once he got off all the mind-altering drugs, he turned out to be ok. A bit nerdy, but who am I to judge."  
  
"You were never nerdy, Daniel." Daniel smirked at Sam, indicating he didn't believe a word that had just escaped her mouth. "A bit nerdy perhaps but not geeky, or is that the other way around?"  
  
"I'm pretty sure geek was the word Jack preferred to use when describing both of us. What's the difference anyway?"  
  
"Geeky means your bright and maybe a bit socially awkward. Nerdy means all that plus you get the big thick glasses and nasal voice with an extra dose of social incompetence. It could be the other way though, you know how reliable my head has been recently."  
  
"I don't think I want either to apply to me." Daniel began eating his dessert and swirling his soda.  
  
"If General O'Neill says we're geeks then that means geeks are cooler then nerds, because he really likes us."  
  
"It's these kinds of conversations that make me wonder how I ever managed to survive high school." Daniel shook his head and tried to hide his grin. Sam couldn't stop her giggle as she picked up her water. Silence descended on the table as they both ate their ice cream. Daniel could tell by the look on Sam's face that the wheels in her head were spinning faster then usual again.  
  
"What'cha thinkin'?"  
  
"Huh?" Sam looked up, confused as her train of thought was broken.  
  
"What were you think about?"  
  
"General O'Neill."  
  
"Oh, in what way?" Daniel resisted the urge to reach out and hold Sam's hand.  
  
"Were there any other noticeable moments of closeness between him and I before everything changed?"  
  
"Yeeeaaaaahhh." Daniel dragged the word out as he tried to avoid making eye contact with Sam.  
  
"When? What happened?" Sam sat up straighter.  
  
"We found out there was a machine on P4X-347 that got us addicted. We definitely had trouble acting like ourselves if we got too far away. I almost died when I came back to the SGC. Several other men did die before we figured out what was going on. You, Jack, Loran, and I had to spend several weeks on the planet as we slowly decreased the effects of the machine."  
  
"Loran?"  
  
"A kid we met on the planet. His parents died when he turned off the machine and they wandered too far away."  
  
"So what happened?"  
  
"I'm not sure really. I just had a feeling that all the time you and Jack spent together wasn't completely centered on figuring out how some of the machinery worked. You two would be gone for hours, some times a whole day, and come back with little to report. Jack acted as if our visit was a vacation. I think he rubbed off on you. You two had a hard time coming back. Something was different but I never questioned it. I knew if either of you wanted me to know you'd tell me." By the time Daniel finished speaking he had given in and taken a hold of Sam's hands. To other customers they probably looked like lovers on a date. In reality, they were best friends trying to piece together a puzzle.  
  
"Was there a beautiful light in this castle?"  
  
"Yeah, that's the one! You remember?"  
  
"I think I'm beginning to remember it. Let's go for another ride while I let it all sink in a bit."  
  
"I don't think I'm up for a ride this soon after eating. How about a walk through downtown?" Sam agreed. 


	24. sticks and stones chapter 24

Sticks and Stones Chapter 24:  
  
Daniel begged Sam to let him call a cab to get back to the mountain. She convinced him that her house was only five minutes away and he could make it that far. Then they could use her car to get back to the SGC. Daniel gave in. He had emptied his wallet buying ice cream and he didn't want to have to borrow cab fare.  
  
Daniel went straight to the sofa to lie down when they got to Sam's. Sam managed to keep her chuckle trapped in her chest but she had to avoid making eye contact with Daniel. She was sure she would lose it if he actually looked at her with those pitiful eyes and slightly green cheeks.  
  
There was a one blinking on her answering machine. She took off her jacket and hung it in the closet by the door. She pressed the play button.  
  
"Hi, Sam. It's me, Pete. I'm sorry for how I left things. So much for that better or worse phrase, huh. I do love you and I would love the opportunity to let you get to know me all over again. There was a reason you said yes in the first place. Give me a chance to show you what we had. Call me back when you remember me or if you just want to give life outside that mountain a shot. I love you."  
  
Daniel sat up enough to look over the back of the sofa. Sam's face had visibly paled. Without a word she hit the delete button and walked slowly into the kitchen. Daniel watched her get a glass out of the cabinet. She moved over to the refrigerator and pulled out the orange juice container. Her hands were shaking as tried to pour the juice. Just a bit missed the glass, making a small spill on the counter. Sam put the juice container down with such force juice jumped out of the spout, making a bigger mess on the counter. Sam picked up the glass and threw it at the wall. Juice covered the wall and glass littered the counter.  
  
Daniel sat up higher on the sofa, prepared to run into the kitchen.  
  
"Sam?"  
  
"Damn it, Daniel! What the hell am I supposed to do? I spend all afternoon remembering being on a beach with Jack and I come home to messages from a man I don't remember but apparently agreed to marry! How am I supposed to make sense out of that! I feel like I'm being pulled into a million little pieces!" Daniel slowly walked towards the kitchen. Sam was breathing rapidly and he didn't want to provoke a reaction. Daniel was perfectly aware Sam could take down him if she wanted.  
  
"I can't answer that Sam. There has to be some reason you and Jack didn't work, otherwise you wouldn't have gone out with Pete."  
  
"Maybe I'm just a selfish bitch who thought she could use two men!"  
  
"No, I know you Sam and you wouldn't ever use anyone. The way I remember it you and Jack both had an equally tough time being apart."  
  
"Then why didn't it work?" Daniel pulled her towards the kitchen entrance, to get her away from the glass and closer to him.  
  
"It's in there somewhere. You'll find it." Sam sank into his embrace.  
  
"What if I don't want to find it?"  
  
"What do you mean?" Sam looked into Daniels eyes.  
  
"What if I had a good reason for stopping what we were hoping find? I might have to make the same decision again. I don't want to do that." Daniel moved Sam to the sofa.  
  
"Sam? Sam, look at me. Wouldn't it be better to know and have it behind you?"  
  
"Maybe." He knew she wasn't convinced.  
  
"It's possible that as long as you keep telling yourself that you don't want to know then your mind will keep it hidden from you. You can't move on and work on today until you figure out yesterday."  
  
"How did you get so smart Dr. Jackson?" Daniel hugged her.  
  
"Good company."  
  
Daniel called Teal'c at the SGC and asked him to bring dinner to Sam's around 1800. In Daniel's humble opinion that was a good way to kill two birds with one stone, dinner and a ride back to his car, all with one phone call. It would also give him and Sam a chance to "relive" another mission or two.  
  
"Ok, so you remember the weeks spent getting a tan on an alien beach." Daniel plopped back down on the sofa and turned to face Sam. She was sitting on the opposite end of the sofa with her feet tucked under her. Daniel noticed she had taken advantage of his telephone call to put on sweats.  
  
"Yeah, I remember it very well." Sam blushed a bright crimson red from her neck to her hairline. Daniel smirked.  
  
"Do you remember Lieutenant Hailey?"  
  
"Tell me something about her."  
  
"Really short, bad attitude, and a real spitfire of a cadet when you first met her."  
  
"Sounds familiar but I think I'm picturing me when I was young."  
  
"You said the academy general thought you two had a lot in common in the brains department. You got permission to bring her through the gate. You were attacked by some kind of firefly like alien creatures. Jack said she actually fought with you about the cause of the bugs behavior." Sam's eyes lit up and she leaned forward.  
  
"I do remember that! Her entire demeanor changed after that trip. We really bonded. Are we still friends?"  
  
"Yes, she worked at the SGC. You even helped train her and she worked in your lab some." Daniel smiled until he saw a shadow pass across Sam's face.  
  
"She died, didn't she?"  
  
"No, why would you think that?"  
  
"So far every time I remember a friend, other then you three, they end up dead. I also have a picture in my head of a young man carrying her in the gateroom. You also said every thing in the past tense."  
  
"She was carried in the gateroom but it was part of a training exercise. I used the past tense because she has been stationed at the alpha site for months."  
  
"Alpha site?"  
  
"An off world base we maintain."  
  
"Good planning!"  
  
"It was Jack's idea."  
  
"Ahhh. So give me a hint about the next mission." Daniel winced at the thought of what happened next.  
  
"We had a couple weeks of leave after the bug incident. You went back to the academy a few times and kept busy in your lab. Teal'c visited his son. I worked on some artifacts. After Jack was released from the infirmary, he took a trip to his cabin to fish for a few days. It was very peaceful and we got a lot done without Jack popping in to annoy us."  
  
"That sounds quiet and dull. It also sounds like you're avoiding my question."  
  
"Now who's the smart one?" Sam grinned but her stomach was in knots. She could tell Daniel was very nervous about the next step in her memory retrieval process.  
  
I know this is evil! I will get the next chapter posted as soon as my beta gets done! 


	25. sticks and stones chapter 25

My beta is so slow but I can't fire him (in part due to those marriage vows and the two kids we share). I will keep pressuring him to keep up! Enjoy.  
  
Sticks and Stones Chapter 25:  
  
"We sent a probe out like usual. We got some unusual readings, which you of course investigated. It turned out to be a sentient life form residing in our mainframe. It offered to communicate with you and took over your body." Daniel watched Sam closely. She seemed to just be lost in thought.  
  
"When we got you back you said you couldn't remember anything except blackness and you were screaming for us to find you." Daniel scooted closer to Sam so he could reach out and touch her hand.  
  
"I remember it playing with Colonel, I mean General O'Neill."  
  
"Yeah, with the camera, while it was learning our names." Sam made her finger into a mock gun sign and saluted. It made a chill run down Daniel's spine.  
  
"You were in the MALP room when you woke. Do you remember that?"  
  
"No, but I remember the infirmary. General O'Neill apologized for killing me. I told him he had saved me." Sam looked at Daniel. He saw the question in her eyes.  
  
"He zatted you twice. You were on life support. Janet reminded him you had a living will and it was time to disconnect you. He asked for more time. Luckily, it was just enough time for us to figure out the entity had put your consciousness into the SGC mainframe."  
  
"Freaky."  
  
"That's one way to put it."  
  
"Janet told you three I was doing well and she would release me the next day, assuming there were no set backs and as long as somebody would stay with me for a couple of days."  
  
"Yeah, all three of us volunteered and then she shooed us out of the infirmary with strict order to not return before breakfast the day. When we came back the next morning you had been moved to an isolation room. Janet said you had requested no visitors. She said you needed to rest. Later that night I found Jack pacing his office muttering. It turned out that you, Janet, and Cassie had taken off on leave without even saying good-bye. General Hammond had approved the leave but he refused to explain anything to us. You were gone for two weeks. We didn't hear from you the whole time. Jack was a wreck."  
  
"I can't believe I would just disappear like that, especially since all indications are we had been getting closer in the proceeding months."  
  
"That's what we thought. That's what he thought." Daniel's voice had gotten quieter as he spoke but Sam heard him and she understood. "What do you remember about that night in the infirmary?"  
  
"I was very tired. Janet gave me a sedative and went to her office. I woke up later because I was having abdominal cramps, not surprising since I was over a month late."  
  
"I'm sorry, but I don't understand?"  
  
"Oh, sorry. Sometimes I forget you're not a woman."  
  
"Is that a compliment?"  
  
"If you take it that way." Sam gave him a sneaky grin, which Daniel couldn't interpret.  
  
"Ok, but I still don't understand."  
  
"When I skip a period the next one is usually accompanied by more severe cramps."  
  
"Is it normal to skip a...period?" Daniel's face scrunched up as he said it.  
  
"Not for most people, but I do it every once in awhile, especially if I let my weight drop."  
  
"What does your weight have to do with it?"  
  
"Have you ever heard of anorexia?"  
  
"Yeah, that's what you have when you starve yourself to be ultra thin and make yourself sick."  
  
"Pretty much. I spent months in high school fighting anorexia, not long after my mother died."  
  
"But you're better now?"  
  
"Yes, but you're never really cured. I often catch myself falling back into bad patterns, like working too much and not eating enough."  
  
"Is that why Janet was on your case so much while you were building the particle generator?" Sam blushed.  
  
"Yeah, she knew about the anorexia and she made it her personal mission to not let me forget that I have to be good every day."  
  
"Good for her."  
  
"Yeah, she really was a great friend." Daniel gave a Sam a moment to reflect, while she stared at her toes, which she flexed back and forth.  
  
"Ok so you skipped a...you know what, meaning you were having bad cramps that woke you up."  
  
"Right. After about an hour Janet heard me moan and came into check. I tried to convince her to just give me something light for the pain but she of course overreacted and jumped into doctor mode."  
  
"I hated doctor mode. It usually involved lots of needles."  
  
"Oh, yeah. There were several needles this time." Sam stopped talking. She frowned as she concentrated.  
  
"Needles and..."  
  
"An ultrasound." Sam's eyes grew wide. The blood left her face and her arms dropped off her legs. She pushed herself up from the sofa and ran to the bathroom. Daniel wasn't fast enough to stop her. She slammed the door and he heard the sound of her retching.  
  
Daniel got a glass of water from the kitchen and brought into the bathroom. By the time he opened the door she had finished throwing up and was leaning back against the tub. He handed her the water. She swished and spit into the toilet. Her eyes were closed as she leaned back against the tub.  
  
"What did you remember Sam?"  
  
"I can't tell you." Her answer was barely above a whisper.  
  
"You can tell me anything, Sam." She opened her eyes. Her fear scared him. He couldn't believe something that had hurt her as much as this had been trapped within her for years.  
  
"He can't ever know. He'd never get over it. He'd never forgive me or himself." Daniel reached out and pulled her towards his chest.  
  
"Let me help."  
  
"I was pregnant."  
  
"What?" Daniel pushed her back just far enough so he could see her face.  
  
"I didn't know until I lost the baby."  
  
"It was Jack's?" Tears erupted from her eyes.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Why did it..."  
  
"Janet wasn't sure if it was being zatted or the protein and naquada left by Jolinar." Sam collapsed back onto Daniel's chest.  
  
"Either way, you thought Jack would have blamed himself." Daniel felt her nod against his chest. Daniel began to shake with the thought of how this news would affect Jack. "Oh, God Sam why did you try to deal with this yourself?"  
  
"I didn't." Her reply sounded muffled and garbled since her face was pressed against Daniel's chest. "Cassie went to stay with her grandparents. Janet took me on a little trip. She helped me deal with what had happened. It gave me time to decided what to do."  
  
"And you decided to push Jack away." Sam didn't respond with words but her sobs increase in intensity and volume. All Daniel could do was hold her until she cried herself to exhaustion. He helped her to bed. He watched her before he closed the door to her room. She had never failed to amaze him. He never would have guessed his best friend had struggled against anorexia as a teenager and had a miscarriage right under his nose. Were her acting skills that good or was his friendship with her shallower then he imagined? Daniel went back to the living room to wait for Teal'c while he pondered the true nature of his friendship with Sam. 


	26. sticks and stones chapter 26

Thanks for all the great reviews. My beta feels properly chastised and promises to try and keep up with my writing (he doesn't want me to try and of the torture methods you suggested).  
  
Sticks and Stones Chapter 26:  
  
Daniel was feeling miserable by the time he heard a loud knock on the door. He had convinced himself that he was shallow and not worth Sam's friendship. The door knocked him to his senses and he raced to open it before the loud knocking disturbed Sam.  
  
"Teal'c, do you think you brought enough?" Daniel couldn't help but grin at the two pizzas, a bag of Japanese, a box of Tai, bucket of chicken, and stack of sub sandwiches.  
  
"O'Neill has the drinks and desserts. I could not choose which specialty might please Colonel Carter so I got all of her favorites." Teal'c stepped past Daniel and moved towards the kitchen.  
  
"Jack's with you?" Daniel spun and looked out the door and saw Jack's SUV parked behind Teal'c's. Jack was struggling with several bags.  
  
"Indeed, he also requires nourishment and the company of his friends." Teal'c stepped back past Daniel to help Jack with the remaining bags. Together they made their way back towards Daniel, each carrying a manageable load.  
  
"I tried to stop him from getting all of this Daniel, but who can resist his puppy dog eyes." Jack grinned at Teal'c.  
  
"I do not have the eyes of an infant canine, O'Neill." Jack burst out laughing but Daniel was still standing stunned in the doorway holding open the door.  
  
"Uhhh, Daniel. You're letting out all the cold air. I guess that's actually the warm air since we're in Colorado but the theory still works. You're letting out the air Carter pays for and letting in the free air. How about close the door." Daniel stared at Jack for a moment before he reacted.  
  
"Oh, right. The door, sorry." Daniel walked past the kitchen.  
  
"So where's Carter?"  
  
"She's lying down. I'll go see if she's ready for dinner."  
  
"Daniel, is everything alright?" Daniel kept moving towards the bedroom.  
  
"Why wouldn't it be?" As Daniel left Jack's sight Jack turned to face Teal'c.  
  
"Do you get the feeling he was avoiding my question?"  
  
"Indeed."  
  
"Do you think I should follow him?"  
  
"I do not think I have enough information to answer that question."  
  
"Thanks for the help, T my man. Can you finish getting out the plates and glasses while I go check on those two?" Teal'c nodded his head and Jack walked out of the kitchen.  
  
As Daniel entered her bedroom he could see her eyes were open although she hadn't moved from where he had placed her a few hours earlier. He quietly walked over and sat on the bed next to her. He ran his fingers through her hair, pushing it back behind her ear. She didn't move or acknowledge his presence.  
  
"Sam, it's time for dinner." Daniel bent over and looked at her face. Her eyes didn't move and they seemed to be unfocused. "Sam?"  
  
"Daniel, what the hell is going on?" Daniel almost fell off the bed as his head shot up and he saw Jack standing in the doorway.  
  
"Sam was uuhhmmmm...tired, and she uhhhhh..." Daniel looked back and forth between Sam and Jack. He saw her face change as she realized Jack was in front of her. She buried her face in the pillow and began to cry. Daniel grabbed Jack's arm as Jack moved towards Sam.  
  
"Jack, don't." Jack looked at Daniel and then at Sam. "I'll take care of her." Jack looked at Sam again. He nodded slowly and walked backwards, in agonizingly slow steps, towards the door. With one final lingering look at Sam, he turned around the edge of the door and leaned against the wall. His heart was racing and his hands were shaking. He knew somehow he was responsible for her current condition but he didn't know what he could have done to cause this.  
  
"It's ok, Sam. He's gone." Jack could hear Daniel softly speaking to Sam. Daniel's words confirmed Jack's fear. Jack's heart leapt into his throat. He knew she had remembered the reason they had stopped trying to find a way to be together.  
  
"I promise I won't tell. There's no other way for him to find out. It'll be ok, I promise." Damn him, thought Jack. Now she's convinced Daniel to keep her little secret.  
  
"What if General Hammond tells him?" Her voice was so soft Jack almost couldn't make out the words.  
  
"The General knew it was Jack's?"  
  
"I don't know. We never discussed it. I always assumed he knew because he always got the medical reports and he gave us the leave as soon as Janet requested it."  
  
"If the General kept your secret this long he won't tell him now." Jack hadn't heard Daniel's reply. He quickly but quietly made his way to the front door. Without saying goodbye to any of his friends, he sped back to the SGC.  
  
Jack didn't acknowledge any of the airmen as he made his way into the depths of the mountain and the security of his office. A few of the airmen noticed the difference in his demeanor and it made them nervous. Usually when General O'Neill acted like this the planet was under attack. Even with the absence of blaring klaxons, a few of the men who passed General O'Neill decided they would be sure to give their families extra goodnight kisses tonight, just in case.  
  
As soon as Jack got to his office, he turned on his computer monitor. It took over forty minutes for him to find the right folder. When he read the medical report on Carter submitted after the entity, he realized what had happened to Sam. He leaned back in his chair and didn't even try to stop the tears forming in his eyes.  
  
He had killed another of his children. He had killed Sam's baby. The baby Sam could have had with him! That explained it all for him. How could she not hate him! That's why she disappeared, wouldn't accept his phone calls, told him she couldn't break the regulations or be this close to him. This's why she pushed him out of her life! He deserved her hatred.  
  
Jack made his way out of the mountain and drove around in circles until he found himself at home. He ignored the beeping number three on his answering machine. He went straight to the kitchen and found the scotch he kept hidden for special occasions. He figured a funeral of sorts was enough of an occasion.  
  
Daniel got Sam to eat a little food before she fell asleep again. When he went back out to the living room he noticed Teal'c was watching Nick at Nite but Jack wasn't around.  
  
"Where's Jack?"  
  
"I am not sure. He left quite unexpectedly, without partaking of his evening meal." Teal'c could tell Daniel was very flustered.  
  
"How long ago?"  
  
"It was at least an hour ago, not long after he followed you to Colonel Carter's room."  
  
"Ah, damn! Can you stay here tonight?"  
  
"Indeed."  
  
"And can I use your car?"  
  
"Indeed. Where are you going?"  
  
"Good question. Where would he go?" Teal'c knew this was a rhetorical question so he waited until Daniel answered himself. Daniel picked up the phone.  
  
"Jack? Hi, it's Daniel. Pick up if you're there. Please Jack, we need to talk." Daniel pressed the receiver.  
  
"He's not at home. I'll try the SGC." Teal'c nodded his agreement.  
  
"Please connect me with General Jack O'Neill please." There was a long pause while Daniel shifted his weight from foot to foot. "Ok, thank-you sergeant."  
  
"He left the base about ten minutes ago. I'll check out a few of his favorite haunts and I'll keep calling his house, just in case." Teal'c threw his keys to Daniel. Daniel looked down the hall towards Sam's room.  
  
"Colonel Carter will be fine. Go help O'Neill."  
  
"Thanks, Teal'c." 


	27. sticks and stones chapter 27

Sticks and Stones Chapter 27:  
  
Daniel checked three bars, two restaurants, and drove past Jack's dark house twice. He hadn't had any luck and it was now past midnight. After searching the last bar Daniel decided the best thing he could do was go back to Jack's house and wait for him to show.  
  
Daniel let himself in the front door and turned on a light. He was shocked when he heard a groan from the living room.  
  
"Jack?"  
  
"Who'd you expect in my house, Homer Simpson?"  
  
"I've been looking all over for you. Have you been here the whole time?"  
  
"Yeah, and not finding nearly as much peace and quiet with that damn answering machine going off every ten minutes."  
  
"I was worried when you left Sam's without saying anything."  
  
"Turn off that damn light, it hurts my eyes." Daniel turned off the hall light and made his way into the living room. He turned on a small lamp beside the sofa. Jack was sprawled on the floor near the porch door. There was an empty bottle of scotch and several empty beer bottles near him.  
  
"Since you're here, how about make yourself useful and get me another beer?"  
  
"You know don't you?"  
  
"I'm trying damn hard not to and it would help if you'd get me another beer."  
  
"Get your own beer, Jack. I'm not going to be your enabler tonight. Drinking isn't going to change this."  
  
"You're right Daniel, but since nothing can change it there isn't any harm in drinking myself to oblivion."  
  
"Sam never told you because she thought this is what would happen. She's held this inside and let it fester for years because she was afraid of hurting you. How do you repay her? By proving you can't handle it." Daniel threw himself down on the sofa, weary from searching for Jack and worrying about Sam.  
  
"Is Teal'c with her?"  
  
"Yeah, he said he'd stay the night."  
  
"Good."  
  
"It would be better if you told her you knew and you weren't angry with her."  
  
"Angry with her? How could I be angry with her? I took away her child. She should be angry with me."  
  
"She's not mad at you. She blames herself for not being careful enough and she afraid you will hate her for letting your child die. She feels just as guilty as you, Jack. You should both try and help each other instead of tearing yourselves apart."  
  
"Look at my track record, Danny. I have a bad habit of killing my children and then pushing their mother's away. I'm not good at this Daniel. Help me." Jack turned his head away from Daniel. Daniel could hear his sobs and see Jack's chest heaving.  
  
"That's why I'm here Jack. That's why I'm here."  
  
After Jack calmed his breathing Daniel helped him get to bed.  
  
"Get some sleep Jack. We'll both go back to her house in the morning." Jack just nodded his head as the alcohol and the anguish pulled him into a deep but restless slumber.  
  
Daniel was up before Jack the next morning. Daniel made coffee and wasn't surprised to hear Jack groan as the smell of the coffee wafted down the hall.  
  
"Morning, Jack!" Daniel yelled down the hall towards Jack's bedroom. "Do you want some breakfast?" The door to Jack's bedroom slowly opened. Jack blinked and covered his eyes. Daniel had opened every curtain in the house so the whole place, with the exception of Jack's bedroom was flood with morning light.  
  
"You're a real bastard, you know that don't you?" Daniel smiled at Jack's remark.  
  
"Yeah, but you love me for it. Go get showered so we can get to Sam's."  
  
"I can't Daniel. She'll never want to see me again."  
  
"It wasn't a request. It was an order and you do orders well. Now get showered." Jack went to the bathroom and took the ordered shower, but only because he really needed one. He did not intend to step one foot in Sam's house today or any other day. When Jack finished dressing Daniel handed him a travel mug of coffee and two aspirin.  
  
"Ready?"  
  
"I'm not going, Daniel."  
  
"Abandon her now and you will lose her forever. Right, now this is a fresh pain for both of you. Live it together and you will survive. Try to do this alone and it will work out as well as it did with Sarah." Jack's face blanched. He didn't want to lose Sam, as a friend or anything else.  
  
"Who does Sam know that is better qualified to help her get through this than you?"  
  
"Damn it, Daniel, fine. We'll go." Jack stormed out the door to Teal'c's vehicle. Daniel closed up Jack's house and got in the driver's side of Teal'c's SUV. Neither of the men spoke during the ride to Sam's house. Daniel let himself in when they arrived. Jack followed, several paces behind Daniel.  
  
"How is she doing this morning, Teal'c?"  
  
"She has not yet left her bedroom. I have tried to speak to her several times but she does not acknowledge my presence." Daniel and Jack could see the worry subtly etched on Teal'c's face.  
  
"Go on Jack. She needs you, not us." Daniel gave Jack a small shove down the hall. Daniel whispered to Teal'c as Jack took one tentative step after another towards her room. The sound of a door closing made Jack look towards the front door. Daniel and Teal'c had left! Jack got the door in time to see Daniel and Teal'c leaving in Teal'c's SUV.  
  
Damn them! They left him here, with her, and no means of escape. Jack closed the door and turned back towards Sam's room. He slowly walked down the hall, cursing Daniel with each step. He knew leaving him here was Daniel's idea. Teal'c would never have abandoned him unless Daniel had suggested it. He stood outside her door listening. He didn't hear anything. There was no sobbing, no sheets rustling, just silence.  
  
Jack opened the door and saw her lying on her bed curled around a pillow with her eyes open. She seemed to be looking at the door although she didn't acknowledge his presence.  
  
"Sam?" Her eyes focused and then she closed them. Her face tensed and she turned her head into her pillow.  
  
"Sam, we need to talk." She shook her head no.  
  
"He promised not to tell you." Jack a step into the room.  
  
"He didn't tell me and it would be easier to understand you if you weren't talking into a pillow." She turned her head so she was facing him but her eyes were still tightly squeezed shut.  
  
"But you know, right?"  
  
"I read the report Janet wrote."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"I'm sorry, Sam. If I could go back and change things, I would do it in a heartbeat. I'd do anything to have given you the chance to have that baby." A tear ran down the bridge of Sam's nose and fell on the pillow.  
  
"I thought I was all cried out." Jack took another step into the room.  
  
"There is no such thing, not when something like this happens." Suddenly Sam sat up. Her eyes widened and she gasped aloud. Jack closed the distance to the bed in two large steps. He sat down so he was behind her and put a hand on her shoulder.  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"Janet and I buried it. We had a small memorial service. Oh God, I'm so sorry. I should have told you. You should have been there too. I was so scared this would destroyed you that I didn't even think about what my lies would do to us."  
  
"I know, I know. Although I'm disappointed you didn't think you could tell me, I can understand why you did it. All that matters now is we deal with this together." She leaned back on his chest.  
  
"You're not mad at me?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Are you mad at yourself?"  
  
"Maybe a little but I know I couldn't have done anything differently. If I hadn't zatted you then you and the baby would still have died. At least I was able to save you." Sam turned in his arms and hugged him. He held her tightly.  
  
"We picked a burial sight near Charlie." She said it quietly but her mouth was so close to his ear that he heard her perfectly. He pulled back slightly so he could see her face.  
  
"What? Why?"  
  
"That way when you went to visit Charlie you'd be visiting our child too, even if you didn't know it. It made me feel better knowing you were close to it."  
  
"Her."  
  
"What?"  
  
"In Janet's report she said the baby was a girl."  
  
"I guess I never asked her after she finished all her tests." Sam laid her head back on his shoulder.  
  
"How about you get cleaned up and we'll go visit them together." Sam nodded her head yes but she didn't attempt to move. It felt right to be in his arms, especially now that she was free of the burden her secret had placed on her heart. After several minutes, Jack eased her up and helped her to the bathroom. She took the hint and began getting ready. Jack went out to the kitchen to fix some more coffee. 


	28. sticks and stones chapter 28

Sticks and Stones Chapter 28:  
  
Daniel spent the day pacing his lab. Teal'c had quickly figured out his favorite archeologist was going to be bad company all day, so he went to visit his old neighbors. Teal'c returned in time to take Daniel down to the commissary for dinner. When they returned to Daniel's lab, Daniel decided he had to call and make sure Sam was all right. He breathed a sigh of relief when he heard Jack's voice over the phone.  
  
"Carter residence."  
  
"Hi, Jack. It's Daniel."  
  
"Oh, hi." Daniel could picture Jack running his hands through his hair.  
  
"How's Sam?"  
  
"Uhm, fine. She's doing fine."  
  
"And how are you?"  
  
"I'm ok. Thanks, Daniel. I mean it, thanks."  
  
"You're welcome. Will we see you guys tomorrow?"  
  
"We're going to take a couple days off, but feel free to call. Maybe we can even get together for dinner or something."  
  
"That sounds great. See ya' later."  
  
"Yeah, later." Daniel was smiling as he hung up the phone.  
  
"I take it your plan was successful, Daniel Jackson."  
  
"Yeah, I think so. How about we go celebrate with some ice cream?"  
  
"That sounds like an acceptable idea." Teal'c grinned and nodded his acceptance.  
  
Jack hung up the phone and walked back into the kitchen. He stopped in the entrance and watched Sam take a noodle out of the pot and test it. Her face was a little flush from standing over the steaming pot. To him she looked gorgeous as she shook her head no and put the remaining noodles back in the pot. She turned and found him staring at her.  
  
"What? Do I have something growing out of my nose?" She grinned at him as he walked up to her and stood very close.  
  
"I was just mesmerized by the thought that you carried my child." His hand reached up and cupped the side of her face. "I have dreamed of that happening for years and in reality it had already happened. There is no closer bond two people can share."  
  
"Except perhaps the bond of losing that child." Her eyes saddened but remained locked with his.  
  
"True." He leaned in and their lips met. It was a soft but powerfully emotional kiss. Her arms moved up around his neck. He held her waist and pulled her closer. Her fingers played with the hairs at the nape of his head. His arms contracted bringing her closer to him. The kiss began to deepen. The sound of water boiling over on the stove pulled them out of their mini-dream world. Sam turned the burner down and used the slotted spoon to retrieve a couple of noodles.  
  
"I think the noodles are done now. Can you hand me the strainer?"  
  
"Yeah, sure." Jack reached behind him and picked up the colander. Their fingers touched as he handed it to her. They managed to get through the spaghetti dinner with polite unemotional conversation. They were standing side-by-side rinsing off the dishes and loading them in the dishwasher when the phone rang again.  
  
"I'll get it. It's probably just Daniel again." Jack walked across the room and picked up the receiver.  
  
"Carter residence." Jack's head dropped and he slowly turned towards Sam. "Hold on for a minute."  
  
"Sam, it's Pete. Do you want to talk to him?" The anguished look on Jack's face was tearing her apart.  
  
"Yes, thanks." She walked over to him. Her hand wrapped around his as she took the phone. Their eyes met and her stomach hit her throat. She hoped she was going to be able to keep the spaghetti down. Jack went back to the sink and tried to act as if he wasn't curious about Pete's call. Sam walked into the living room but stayed close enough so Jack could see and hear her. She didn't want to do anything to damage the trust she and Jack were rebuilding.  
  
"Hi, Pete. How are you?"  
  
"I don't think that would be a good idea right now."  
  
"We were having dinner." Sam looked up and saw Jack watching her.  
  
"That isn't any of your business." Jack moved into the living room.  
  
"Do you always act like this or only when your girlfriend has amnesia?" Jack sat on the sofa and pretended to read a magazine, an old edition of Scientific America he was holding upside down.  
  
"I'm doing the best I can. I need more time." Sam turned to look out the window. The lights lining the street reminded her of stars, the stars she use to travel among before this happened.  
  
"Of course I want to get better. I want to get back to work. I don't want my friends to feel like they have to hover over me, constantly worried I'm going to break down or flip out."  
  
"I don't know if I want that or not. How can I know that when I don't even remember you, let alone our time together?" The one sided conversation was driving Jack insane. He wanted to rip the phone out her hands and tell Pete to shove off forever. Jack put down the magazine. Sam turned when she heard it hit the table. She gave him a half-grin half-grimace look.  
  
"How about I call you when I'm ready?" Jack creased his brow and gave her a concerned look as her tone became angry. She listened a few more minutes before she hung up without saying another word.  
  
"Daniel says Pete acts like this because he's worried about me, which I suppose is a good sign and should make me feel better about him."  
  
"I suppose it should." Sam sat down beside Jack.  
  
"How can you stand to sit here with me?" Jack turned to look at Sam, his eyes were wide and his mouth hung open.  
  
"How can you ask me that after everything we've shared today?" He put his hand on her arm.  
  
"I pushed you away. I refused to speak to you about anything but missions and protocol. I stopped answering your calls. I sent back the flowers and letters. I was a complete and total bitch." Sam hung her head and refused to look at Jack.  
  
"I can't argue with that, but now I know why. You were hurting and having me too close wasn't helping. If you can't lash out at those you love the most then who can you lash out at?"  
  
"Did I ever stop lashing out? I mean it seems I decided to move on right in front of your face, practically rubbing your nose in it. I must have known I was hurting you."  
  
"I hope you didn't. I worked hard to hide everything I felt from you. You and I are very much alike you know. We're both masters of keeping everything locked up."  
  
"So what now?"  
  
"As much as I would like to sit here and say today is a new day for both of us I can't." Jack felt Sam pull away slightly. "I want that new day with you, even more today then I did yesterday, if that's even possible. I think we have to wait until all of your memories return, just to be sure it's what you really want." Sam nodded but refused to make eye contact with Jack. He saw a tear drop off the tip of her nose and splash on her leg.  
  
"Sam..." Jack pulled her into an embrace and kissed her hair. She looked up. Her hand moved up his arm to his shoulder and then his neck. She tilted her head and kissed him softly. He responded with full force, deepening the kiss and pulling her closer. When he felt her tongue touch his lips he pulled back.  
  
"Oh, wow, Sam. It would be so easy to just give in to that."  
  
"Then do it, give in."  
  
"No, I want this to work. If we do this, I want this to be for forever. I can't use our emotions to seduce you or take advantage of you. I have to be sure all of you wants this, not just the parts of you that have been recovered so far."  
  
"I wish I could convince you this is what I want, but since I can't, I'll take what I can get for now." Sam curled into Jack's body and rested her head on his shoulder.  
  
"And no matter what tomorrow brings, now I'll always know you're the mother of my child. That's something that will always bond us together, always." 


	29. sticks and stones chapter 29

I know you are getting sick of the apologies and excuses but this time my beta (husband) ended up with stitches in his hand after falling down. Between the pain and the drugs he hasn't been able to stay awake after work long enough to beta. I got on his case while the kids were watching tv and he got one chapter finished. I'll bug him again tomorrow!  
  
Sticks and Stones Chapter 29:  
  
Jack rubbed his stiff neck as the smell of coffee teased his nose. He opened one eye and looked around Sam's living room. He had been strong enough to not sleep in her bedroom, even though she had tried to pull him with her. Jack sat up and turned so he could see her in the kitchen. Her back was towards him and she was pouring coffee.  
  
"Morning, beautiful. Any dreams?" Sam turned to face him. A beautiful smile lit her face.  
  
"I blew up a sun. Do you know how few people ever get a chance to something that...that...huge?" Jack stood and walked towards the kitchen.  
  
"As a matter of fact I do know. I also know how few people would be capable of coming up with such a daring and ingenious plan." Jack walked up to Sam and reached around her to get an empty mug. Her lips met his neck as his arms went around her.  
  
"I still have morning breath," Jack reminded her.  
  
"So do I." She whispered as her tongue darted out towards his earlobe. Jack sucked in a breath and used both hands to hold onto the cabinet. His legs were still early morning weak and his blood was suddenly rushing to the wrong place.  
  
"Sam, don't do this, not yet. We still need time." Sam's head came up and she locked eyes with Jack.  
  
"How can I convince you this is what I want? It's what I wanted three years ago and it's what I want today." Sam rotated her hips, driving Jack to a new level of insanity. Jack took a step back, leaving the coffee cup on the counter.  
  
"No, it isn't what you wanted three years ago. You may not remember yet, but you decided you wanted was Orlin. At the time, I was still trying to convince you that we could make things between us work. You made it very clear that we couldn't." Sam watched the pain cloud his face.  
  
"And all of this happened in secret so you couldn't let on to anyone how much I was hurting you."  
  
"The genius gets another one right. Give her two points." Jack back away until he hit the opposite counter. Sam turned and filled his coffee cup. She turned back towards him and handed him the cup.  
  
"So tell me about it. Maybe I'll remember as you talk." Sam walked out of the kitchen and into the living room. She sat on the couch and curled her feet under her legs. Jack followed her into the room and sat on the opposite end of the sofa.  
  
"Do you really want to spend the morning dredging up painful memories?" Jack's brow creased as he watched her.  
  
"Yes, the sooner we talk, the sooner we can move past them." The warmth and sincerity in her gaze drew Jack towards her. He wanted to be past it but he had been so angry for so long. He wasn't sure he was ready to drop it. He was scared she would turn on him again.  
  
"Alright, you rubbed Orlin in my face."  
  
"Let me guess he died in my arms." Sam grinned, thinking she was making a joke.  
  
"Well, technically...yes." Jack looked into his coffee cup.  
  
"Oh, for freaking sake! Don't tell me I pulled the trigger again!"  
  
"No, no. This time he sacrificed himself to save us. He isn't really dead either. He ascended, which was actually the second time he had ascended. He descended to be with you."  
  
"That sounds like a lot of commitment."  
  
"The way Daniel tells it you didn't actually tell him to descend, he just decided he liked you so much he would become flesh and move in. He built a gate in your basement."  
  
"A stargate?" Sam's eyes grew twice their usual size.  
  
"Yeah, you both went through it to stop an SGC team from starting some weapon that would have brought the ancients wrath upon them. You ended up with one hell of a big credit card bill too. I think General Hammond found a way to help with that, since the SGC ended up with the gate he built."  
  
"I dated somebody capable of building their own stargate?"  
  
"Twice."  
  
"I dated him again?"  
  
"No, there was this other alien guy, Narim."  
  
"I remember him. We found him in the ashes. He thought I was an angel." Sam smiled at the recollection.  
  
"Yeah, Teal'c said he liked you so much he programmed his house to speak to him with your voice."  
  
"A speaking house, huh? You're pretty much telling me that you're the most normal person I've ever dated." Sam pouted up her lips and gave Jack an amusing glare.  
  
"Well, yeah, at least until Pete entered the scene." Jack's coffee mug was empty but it still managed to hold his interest as he spoke.  
  
"So what were things like between us as I was dating all of these aliens?"  
  
"I knew you were trying to make me upset, and I was bound and determined to not let it work. I figured if I just stayed sweet and caring then you would go nuts. Narim never had you anyway. You thought he was too dull."  
  
"He could build a stargate and I thought he was too dull?" Sam's eyebrows arched and Jack looked up to catch a glimpse of her face. He smiled.  
  
"He was too easy. He followed you around with his tongue hanging out. There was no challenge there for you."  
  
"Way easier then going after my commanding officer and potentially facing a court martial."  
  
"Exactly." Jack shot his hand out towards Sam to emphasize that she finally saw things his way. Sam shook her head and smiled. She knew she could read Jack better then any man she could remember. She doubted he would be thrilled to know she found him to easy to understand.  
  
"Go on. What else did I do to provoke you?"  
  
"There was this ambassador guy who you were willing to openly flirt with right in front of me."  
  
"So where are Narim and this ambassador?" The grimace on his face told her everything. "Oh you have got to be kidding! Did I kill them or hold them while they were dying?"  
  
"Neither actually. We lost contact with Narim after his planet was attacked by the Goa'uld. His last report was bad and we haven't been able to dial his planet since. The ambassador was lost on a mission. He sacrificed himself so you could get back to warn us. He saved the planet."  
  
"At least I seem to go after the self-sacrificing type, always willing to die to save Earth. As a matter of fact based on the memories I currently have that also seems to describe you!" Sam was up off the sofa, pacing and yelling. "Why would anyone want to date me with this great track record! I bet I'm the talk of the town with the way I seem to lead men to their deaths!" Sam was breathing hard and facing away from Jack. He stood and slowly walked up behind her. He placed his hands on her shoulders and pulled her back. She resisted and he pulled harder. When she relented, he wrapped his arms around her waist.  
  
"I'm sorry, Sam. I didn't mean to present this all like this." He felt her tears even though she didn't make a sound. "No one thinks you draw men in like a black widow."  
  
"A black widow?" She turned to face him. "Is that the reputation I've earned? If that's what you think, why are you even here? Why risk yourself?" Sam backed up and tried to pull away.  
  
"Sam, never. No matter how hard I've tried to stop loving you I've failed. Even as we fought, pushed, and ignored one another my love for you grew." Jack pulled her a step closer to him. "I stopped being able deny how I felt when you were kidnapped. It happened right here on Earth, right under my nose. I'd been trying so hard to give you space, hoping you would miraculously decide you couldn't live without me, that I didn't even know you were gone for three days. I almost lost you because I was such a pig headed jerk." Sam let herself be pulled back into his arms. She felt him shaking as he recalled almost losing her.  
  
"It sounds like we're both equally stubborn and pig-headed." Jack chuckled.  
  
"Yeah, that's part of what makes us work so well." Sam looked up into his eyes. They briefly kissed but Jack didn't let it deepen. "Sam, I want to work through these memories. Once you're all back in one piece then I want to re-explore an us, depending on what you discover about you and Pete. I firmly refuse to try to move forward until you've had a chance to review your entire past."  
  
"I get it, Jack. I'll keep working on my head as long as you promise to keep coming by, to remind me what I am working towards." Sam leaned up and kissed him again. Jack lingered and fell into a deeper kiss. Her hands found their way to his hair. He felt himself losing control just as she pulled back.  
  
"So what should we do today, now that we know what we aren't going to do?" It took Jack's brain a minute to catch up. His mind was still where his blood had rushed. As her words began to make sense, he smiled.  
  
"Do you remember bowling?" 


	30. sticks and stones chapter 30

Sticks and Stones Chapter 30:  
  
"Hey, Sam. Whatcha doing?" Daniel ambled over to Sam's lab bench and sat down across from her and her laptop.  
  
"I am going back over the planetary drift calculations General O'Neill provided us from the download of the Ancients. Even after all this time I haven't been able to reconcile it with our previous equations. I would rather understand it better instead of just using it because it works."  
  
"I guess you're really bored if you're dredging that back up."  
  
"I wouldn't say I was bored, just trying to be productive." Sam closed the laptop and looked squarely at Daniel. "What I'd really like is to begin going through the gate again."  
  
"Have you talked to Jack about it?"  
  
"Easier said then done, Daniel, especially with the way things stand right now."  
  
"Let me guess, your memories are moving into what Teal'c and I referred to as the winter of your relationship with Jack."  
  
"You and Teal'c related us to the seasons?"  
  
"It made sense at the time. You have to understand, neither of you ever discussed what was really going on, at least not with me. Teal'c and I just picked up pieces here and there and watched the emotions take you both for roller coaster rides."  
  
"Ah, so what did you pick up and how does it relate to the seasons?"  
  
"Well, in the spring of your relationship you and Jack flirted like crazy. It was fun for all of us and provided many nights of laughter around the campfire. Every once in a while it seemed to get really hot and you'd both back off for a few days until you couldn't stand it and started all over again."  
  
"That I remember. It was fun and a bit exciting." Sam looked wistful and smiled.  
  
"The summer of your non-existent relationship seemed more intense. The flirting died down but there were looks and slight touches. I never asked Teal'c what he thought but I was sure you two had finally thrown caution and the regulations to the wind. I asked Jack a few times but he never admitted nor denied it. I guess now I know I was right."  
  
"Sort of, although most of the time alien influences still seemed to play a roll in our going too far over the line. Without those influences, we probably would have gotten there on our own, just not as quickly. So, what happened in the fall?  
  
"The fall was short. Right after the computer thing you left and when you returned it got cool between the two of you. Jack blew it off at first. He kept telling me not to worry that you'd be back to your old self any day. Even as you seemed to be seeing other men..."  
  
"You mean Orlin and Narim?"  
  
"Yeah, you remember?"  
  
"I wasn't really seeing either of them. I guess Orlin did help me try to forget about the pain of losing the baby and hurting Jack, but Narim was never more then a friend, even though he tried and wanted to be more."  
  
"Jack hated knowing they wanted you but he stayed calm about it. He was doing ok, in his Jack way, until after you were kidnapped. That was when the winter started."  
  
"Did you know they almost killed me? A few more minutes and they would have cut open my skull to remove my brain."  
  
"I heard that was the plan. They were a couple of sickos, that's for sure. We were lucky we found you. Jack was very determined. I'm not sure he slept the whole time. If he hadn't gotten shot he probably would have followed you around for the next month."  
  
"Things got cold after that, huh?"  
  
"Yeah, I don't know what about that made Jack's perspective change but he seemed to give up on there being a relationship between you. Don't get me wrong; you were both professional, very professional in fact, but there were fewer laughs. I wasn't having as much fun anymore."  
  
"Fun? You found being shot and tortured on a regular basis fun? Has anybody told you to get better hobbies? Sam smiled at Daniel.  
  
"Like you have any room to talk, Ms. I blew up a sun." Daniel grinned back at Sam. "The team dynamic seemed to get tense as you and Jack lost the personal edge. We stopped going out as a team. Even team nights got shorter and strained. I felt trapped between my two best friends." Daniel looked down at his hands.  
  
"Is that why it was so easy to leave?" Daniel stood up and moved around to hug Sam.  
  
"That was part of it. I no longer felt like I belonged. I didn't feel like I had a place here anymore. I guess I was escaping, although at the time I told myself I was going to be doing more for our cause. I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry you had to watch me die. I'm sorry I left you."  
  
Neither Daniel nor Sam heard Jack walk up to the door. He listened to Daniel describe the effect he and Sam had had upon Daniel. Thinking back on it, Jack was surprised to realize Daniel had been so deeply affected.  
  
"And I'm sorry I refused to be there for you." Daniel and Sam turned to look at Jack. Daniel took a step away from Sam as Jack walked towards her. "I was a total bastard. When you were kidnapped I thought I'd lost you." Daniel continued backing up towards the door.  
  
"My heart went through the ringer while we looked for you. I hadn't known until then that I was so deeply in love with you. When I woke up in the hospital, I knew I had to push you away before you pushed me or I'd be lost again. You made it easy to stay away at first and over time I began to get angry that you didn't seem to be affected by my distance." Daniel stepped out into the hall. He knew this wasn't his discussion but he couldn't pull himself completely away. Teal'c had told him how Jack had push Sam away when she needed support after Daniel's ascension. Daniel was surprised Jack wouldn't have helped the whole team, especially Sam. It made sense now. It also meant Sam and Jack still had mountains to climb if they were going to have a future. Daniel was worried they might not be able to climb that high.  
  
Sam stood and walked over to Jack.  
  
"I needed you."  
  
"And I wasn't there. You tried repeatedly but I refused to let you in. I wanted to hurt you. I wanted you to feel as alone as I had when you disappeared without a word after the computer entity and when you were being held by Conrad. I wanted you to hurt." Jack reached one hand out towards her shoulder.  
  
"It worked. Even when we thought we were going to die on the meteor headed to Earth, you refused to budge. You'd have let me die without knowing you still cared and without letting me tell you how I felt. You're damn good at causing pain." Sam sat down and looked at the floor.  
  
"Always was better at causing pain then opening up. I told myself you were either just playing with me or you didn't know what you really wanted. I had to be the one to keep the breaks on. I had to help you see there were better options out there."  
  
"You had to be the one making the decisions. If you're so damn willing to go along with my strange ideas on saving the planet why can't you believe me when I tell you I love you and want to spend my life with you? Who are you really afraid of, me or yourself?" Sam looked up at Jack. She couldn't tell if anything she had said had made a difference.  
  
"I didn't know then and I don't know now." Jack took one step closer and put his hand on top of hers. "I do know that we both made mistakes but the future might give us an opportunity to make different choices. Our path was set before you were injured, because we were too hurt and scared to discuss us. If we keep talking about why we got where we were we might be able to create a future we could both look forward to living."  
  
"I'd like that." She squeezed his hand. "Speaking of the future, when do you think I can start going through the gate again?"  
  
"The gate! Are you nuts! You haven't even gotten all of your memories back yet!"  
  
"But I'm close and what I have back gives me more history on the program then most SGC field unit members. Daniel, Teal'c and I could do rechecks on a few of our friendly neighbors. It would give us a chance to work as a field team again and get out of this mountain." Sam looked up at him with her most sincere face. She was begging and he couldn't resist her.  
  
"I'll see what the doc says."  
  
"She said there wasn't any physical reason I couldn't go back on gate duty. Even my psychiatrist thinks it would help speed my recovery, even if she is already impressed I've done so well."  
  
"Like usual, you've covered all the bases. Let's have a briefing tomorrow and discuss it with Teal'c, Daniel, and all the docs involved." Sam stood and hugged him.  
  
"Thank-you." Jack put his arms around her and soaked in the feel of her in his arms. They hadn't been like this since he stayed with her last week. He had to remind himself they were at work and under constant observation. He pulled back.  
  
"I'll see you tomorrow."  
  
"Yes, sir." Sam beamed but Jack grimaced. 


	31. sticks and stones chapter 31

Sticks and Stones Chapter 31:  
  
Their first two missions went off without a hitch. She assumed General O'Neill had worked hard to make sure she got the most routine and boring missions possible. She couldn't blame him for being overprotective. She was going to have to find a way to make him confident in her skills again.  
  
The time with Daniel and Teal'c had helped strengthen their already strong bonds. They followed her lead, asked her advice, and helped her feel empowered. They let her know she was still the leader of SG-1. Having their support was the first step to having General O'Neill's blessing to go on real missions again. Eventually SG-1 would again be recognized as the flagship team of the SGC.  
  
As Sam stepped back through the gate she was rewarded with the usual, "Welcome back SG-1. Get checked out in the infirmary. Briefing at 1200." She looked up and saw Jack smiling at her. She returned the smile as she handed her weapons to the waiting airman.  
  
The infirmary visit was routine. Daniel had made it through the trip without even a bruise! It helped that they were on a purely diplomatic mission. They spent more time eating and going to meetings then exploring. They all got to the briefing with five minutes to spare. Sam could see Jack talking on the red phone as she, Daniel, and Teal'c settled into their seats. It only took Jack three minutes to finish his conversation and enter the briefing room. Sam stood as he entered but he waved her back down.  
  
"At ease, Colonel." Sam nodded and returned to her seat. "What can you tell me about our friends on Retaina?"  
  
"Their crops did well this year. The genetically modified corn and barley have grown exceptionally well. The apple and peach farmers have reported similar success. They are interested in importing more foods, especially foods that are modified to have such large yields." Sam smiled as she made her report.  
  
"You should have seen the difference in their schools too. Since we helped them modernize their farms the kids have been able spend more time in school. That little Natan kid that liked you so much has started a newspaper in his town. Last time we were there he could barely read." Daniel was so excited his right leg was jiggling below the table.  
  
"Indeed, it is amazing the difference two years can make. We have done a good thing helping these people avoid the starvation that was plaguing their planet by teaching them to survive rather then just giving them supplies." Teal'c nodded his approval.  
  
"You know what they say, give a man a fish and he eats for a day, teach a man to fish and he eats for a lifetime."  
  
"I believe I have encountered this phrase before. It was good to see it put to use." The briefing ended well and Jack dismissed SG-1 for a long weekend.  
  
"Carter, could you stay for a moment?"  
  
"Yes, sir." Sam smiled at Daniel and Teal'c as they left the room. She knew staying back would give them both a chance to shower and change before she got to the locker room.  
  
"How have you been the last couple of weeks, Sam?" Jack walked into his office and indicated she should sit in the chair across from his desk.  
  
"Fine sir. It's been great getting back out into the field, although I'm looking forward to going on exploration and first contact missions again."  
  
"In time, Sam, in time. Let an old man do things slowly."  
  
"You're not old, sir." Sam smiled at him. The warmth in her eyes made them light up.  
  
"That's a matter of perspective, Carter. What I really wanted to know when I invited you in was whether you had remembered anything else we need to discuss." Jack noticed her eyes slip from his face, even though the mask covering her emotions didn't falter.  
  
"There have been brief flashes in my dreams, sir, but nothing substantial." There was something in her tone that made the hair on Jack's neck stand on end. She held her face completely neutral but her tone and her words let him know she was hiding. His heart sank. Up until this moment, he had believed they were breaking down the barriers that had kept them separated. As he watched her schooled reaction, he could see the bricks going in place around her. The wall was returning. He was beginning to lose.  
  
"Alright, Colonel. Please remember that I'm here for you and I want to help you get those memories back. The sooner you're back at 100 the sooner SG-1 can get back on the normal duty roster."  
  
"Yes, sir. If that's all sir, I'd like to get a shower and head home." Sam stood and straightened her back.  
  
"Of course, Colonel. Dismissed." Jack watched her executed a regimental about face and leave his office. He kept his eyes on her as she went down the stairs. He felt like he was watching his future disappearing.  
  
Sam went straight to the locker room. She got out her shower supplies and took off the filthy BDUs. She turned the shower on full steam and as hot as she could stand. She stood in the steam just outside the shower stall. Her stomach was in knots. She hated lying to Jack but she wasn't ready to tell him what had been happening in her head. As she stepped in the shower the image of Jack lying on a cot dying resurfaced. She had seen this numerous times in her dreams during the last mission. She knew she had begged him to be implanted so he would live. She had put her selfish desire to have him live above his desire to never have a snake in his head. She had turned her back on him and treated him like dirt, yet he was willing to hand himself over to the Tok'ra because she asked him to do it.  
  
As the water poured over her head she began to recall the days of searching for him. The fear she had sent him to the Goa'uld. The disgust on his face when he first saw her as she rescued him still made her sick. She knew he had been angry with her for turning her back on him before he left with the Tok'ra. As far as she was concerned it was clear after he was rescued that he also blamed her for his torture.  
  
As the shampoo ran down the drain tears formed in her eyes. She told herself she must have gotten shampoo in her eyes, but it's easier to lie to the world and your friend then to yourself. The heat of the shower could not stop her shivers. She turned off the water and toweled off. The memories of the months of isolation from Jack were weighing her down. She dressed and headed for the surface.  
  
"Hey, Sam. You wanna go out for a beer?" Daniel jogged up behind Sam, who was waiting for the elevator. Teal'c slowly walked up behind Daniel taking his customary large steps.  
  
"No, thanks. I'm a bit tired. I'm just going to call it a night." Sam stepped away from Daniel as he reached out to her. She didn't want their comfort. She wanted to feel this pain. She deserved this pain. She hurt Jack. She drove him away and then pushed him into Baal's hands. Maybe Daniel didn't know how awful she had been but surely Teal'c knew.  
  
Daniel watched Sam closely as they rode up the elevator. He knew she had been pulling away slightly as their last mission had continued but she suddenly seemed much more removed.  
  
"Sam, are you alright? Is there something you'd like to discuss?" Daniel tried again to take a step closer to Sam. The small size of elevator wouldn't let her get too far away.  
  
"Why this sudden interest in talking all the time? The way I remember it we were all really good at keeping our private lives private." Daniel's eyes widened and his body tensed as Sam began to raise her voice.  
  
"You are correct, Colonel Carter. All of us were very good at keeping our emotions tightly controlled but since your injury we have all made great strides in being open. As humans say this has been the silver lining on the dark cloud."  
  
"Too much of a good thing can be bad Teal'c." Sam stepped out as the elevator door opened. Daniel and Teal'c let Sam check out first and they didn't attempt to follow her out of the parking lot. As they watched her pulling out of the lot Daniel got out his cell phone.  
  
"Hey, Jack. It's Daniel. Has something happened to Sam?" 


	32. sticks and stones chapter 32

I had to throw in some humor - the story was getting too heavy. I promise to get back to solving the angst soon. I will be out of town most of this week so don't get too anxious waiting for the next chapter.  
  
Sticks and Stones Chapter 32:  
  
Daniel grimaced and looked back at Teal'c as he heard a third cabinet door being slammed. They had been standing outside Sam's front door for over three minutes while Daniel tried to collect the courage to knock. Every time he got ready to knock, she would slam a cabinet or curse loudly. Daniel readjusted the lab coat he was wearing and rang the doorbell. They heard the improper expletive that left her normally chaste mouth. Daniel shuddered slightly as the door began to open.  
  
Sam was slightly stunned by the image before her. Her anger, directly solely at herself, was temporarily forgotten. Sam looked from Daniel's head to his feet and back up. He was wearing a black skirt, pink sweater, and a white lab coat. The tennis shoes didn't really match the outfit and she was glad he had decided to forget about wearing hose. As her eyes moved back up from his feet, he quickly put a brown wig on his head. As her eyes returned to his face, she noticed his make up.  
  
"How about letting me in before your neighbors call the cops or I die of embarrassment." Daniel was avoiding her attempts to make eye contact. Sam stepped out of his way and gave both men enough room to enter. She quietly followed them into her living room.  
  
"Daniel, care to explain your choice in attire today?" Sam couldn't stop the grin creeping onto her face.  
  
"Well I'm glad it has helped you smile a bit." Daniel's eyebrows raised a bit.  
  
"You did all this," Sam waved her hands indicating Daniels strange get-up, "just to make me smile."  
  
"Well, no not really. I just figured you looked like you needed a friend to talk to today. Although you have always been friends with Jack and us, we didn't have the same relationship with you that Janet did." As soon as Daniel mentioned Janet Sam understood his choice in attire. The smile left her face.  
  
"You and Janet spent entire nights sitting up talking sometimes. It helped both of you deal with being women in a man's world. Your bond with her was unlike any other. I hoped I could try to be that person for you. I want you to feel safe really talking to me. I guess I want to be your girlfriend." Sam tried hard to be angry with Daniel for mocking Janet but as soon as Daniel offered to be her girlfriend Sam lost it. The sound of her intense laughter made Daniel jump.  
  
"Sam?" Tears were running down Sam's face and she was bent over holding her stomach.  
  
"Imagine...what the...marines...would say...if I told...them you were...my girlfriend!" Sam leaned back on the arm of a chair to prevent herself from falling over. Daniel tried to run his hand through his hair but his hand got trapped in the wig. As he tried to pull his hand out the wig came off his head and flew across the room. Sam's laugher increased in pitch and intensity. She slipped down the side of the chair and landed on the floor. She was trying to breath between bursts of laughter and tears were continuing to stream down her face. As the wig hit the wall Daniel gave in to the moment and joined her laughter. Teal'c couldn't maintain his stoic look and a huge grin broke across his face. Teal'c's laugh pushed Sam and Daniel further over the edge.  
  
It was several minutes before Sam wiped her face and got her breathing more regulated. When she looked up at Daniel, who was grinning and playing with the edge of the too short skirt, Sam began to giggle again.  
  
"I'll talk...but only if you...change clothes. Much more of this...laughing and I...might pass out...from lack of oxygen."  
  
"I have a change of clothes in the car." Sam nodded. "Teal'c would you by any chance go out and get them? I don't want Sam's neighbors to see me again." As Daniel gave Teal'c a wave goodbye Sam caught sight of the cheap fake nails plastered to his fingers. Her body was wracked by a new set of tears and laughter. Sam was wiping tears off her face as Teal'c went out the door.  
  
Daniel heard Teal'c returning and turned to thank him. Before he had a chance to say anything, he was caught off guard by a flash.  
  
"What the hell was that?"  
  
"Did you really think I would let you get off so easy? I had to have photographic proof that you would go to these extremes just to get me to talk. Have you ever dressed up to get Jack to talk?" Daniel grinned.  
  
"Where do you think I got the idea?" Sam's eyes widened.  
  
"When? What did you dress up as?"  
  
"I'll reveal all, if you give me my clothes, a place to change, and erase that picture off your camera."  
  
"I'll have to think about that last one." Sam showed Daniel to her guest room. She went to the kitchen to pour them each a lemonade.  
  
Sam and Teal'c were sipping lemonade when Daniel returned, wearing sweat pants and a t-shirt.  
  
"Still want to talk?" Sam bit her lower lip as she watched Daniel settle into a chair near the sofa. Teal'c was standing near the fireplace.  
  
"Blue is a good color on you but Janet wore brown." Daniel looked down. His eyes roamed over his body but Sam could tell by the confused look on his face that he didn't know what she meant. Sam got out of her chair and went to her bathroom. When she returned she placed a small mirror in front of Daniel's face.  
  
"Are you telling me the eye shadow was a bit much?" Sam chuckled and gave him the mirror.  
  
"There's a hand towel lying beside the sink. You can use it after you wash your face." Daniel got up and went to wash off all the remnants of his disguise. When he returned Sam was back on the sofa flipping through a magazine. Teal'c had taken up residence in front of the television. Daniel took back his place in the chair and watched. It didn't take him long to realize if this conversation was going to begin he was going to have to be the one to start it.  
  
"So what's going on in that genius brain of yours?"  
  
"Are you trying to sound like Jack?"  
  
"Not really but if it gets you talking I'll keep doing it." Sam shook her head. She watched Teal'c for a moment and decided he was ignoring the conversation.  
  
"That's ok, I'd rather talk to you. Since you weren't here you might have an impartial opinion."  
  
"I'll try. Tell me what's bothering you."  
  
"We've already covered the fact that I pushed Jack away after I lost the baby."  
  
"Yeah." Sam tucked her feet under her legs. She watched her hands as her fingers drummed on her thigh. The sound of the television temporarily drew her away from the conversation. Daniel cleared his throat.  
  
"It didn't take him long to get angry about how I was brushing him off. Even through his anger, he still loved me. He went with the Tok'ra because I asked him to live. He did that for me even after I treated him like pond scum." Sam's face was drawn.  
  
"There isn't anything you could do to stop him from loving you." Daniel was disturbed by her lack of a reaction.  
  
"I might not be able to destroy his love but I could convince him I'm not worth the time or effort."  
  
"Not possible Sam." Daniel slipped out of his chair and kneeled in front of her.  
  
"We both went on with our lives trying to ignore what we felt."  
  
"But?" Daniel was curious about what had occurred while he was gone. He had read the reports but they didn't cover what happened in his friends' personal lives. The reports couldn't explain why Sam and Jack still weren't together.  
  
"I worked hard to prove he didn't try to kill Kinsey. What did I get for all that work? Not even so much as a thank-you. All he did was ask questions about Agent Barrett. He was so angry he couldn't even thank me. I turned on him again. He caught me out at a bar having drinks with a neighbor."  
  
"Ouch." Daniel decided the floor wasn't comfortable enough so he scooted her over and made room to sit beside her.  
  
"Yeah, he didn't speak to me for several days. That, of course, just made me more angry."  
  
"You two really are made for each other." Sam glared at Daniel.  
  
"On our next mission Maybourne took Jack and I couldn't figure out where they had gone. It took a month to find him. I never gave up but I lost my cool a few times. I tried to hide how I felt but Teal'c found me crying in the locker room once."  
  
"I believed that when O'Neill returned things would be different. I thought you had in that moment realized your need for him." Teal'c turned as he spoke.  
  
"I did realize I wanted him, needed him. He didn't have the same realization. He returned from that mission more bitter and angry. I don't know why."  
  
"It was the plants he had consumed. He had not eaten as much as Maybourne but they had still affected him."  
  
"Why didn't he tell me?"  
  
"It is a pattern in your relationship with O'Neill that neither of you is fully open with the other."  
  
"I guess so. Not much to build off of, is it?"  
  
"It can change, if you both want it to change." Sam looked at Teal'c and saw the truth in his words.  
  
"Ok, maybe it was the plants that affected him when he got back from that moon but that doesn't explain why he was going to let me die without telling me how he felt. He showed a hell of a lot more emotion when you were dying then when I was lying on that stinking cot wondering when I was going to liquefy." Sam pulled her hands away from Daniel and stood. She began to pace the room.  
  
"He couldn't show his feelings."  
  
"Why not? Because Teal'c was there! Maybe he didn't want the poor mutated aliens to know what he felt."  
  
"They were telepathic. He would not have been able to hide his feelings from them. I think his feelings played a major role in them helping us escape." Teal'c stood and walked up behind Sam. He put a hand on her right shoulder.  
  
"He would have let me die without ever saying good-bye. He told you and Daniel good-bye but he couldn't do that for me." Teal'c and Daniel heard the sob she refused to release in her voice as she spoke.  
  
"I couldn't forgive him for that back then. I'm not sure I can now." Teal'c let go as she turned to look at him and Daniel.  
  
"That's because you're still feeling it in the moment. Give this some more time. Read some more mission reports. Get past this."  
  
"Are you sure I ever did get past it?"  
  
"Yes." Daniel stood and walked over to join Sam and Teal'c. "When I descended the three of you were a solid team. I didn't feel any animosity between you."  
  
"But did you feel we had more then friendship between us?" Daniel sighed and dropped his shoulders.  
  
"Not at first, but that doesn't mean it wasn't there. I might just not have been able to pick up on it when I first came back."  
  
"Somehow I think your initial feelings were right. There wasn't anything left between us but our jobs. If there is anything I've learned about myself the last few weeks it's that I highly value my job." The sadness in Sam's eyes hit Daniel like a hammer in the chest. He knew this wasn't his battle but he wanted to fight it for her and spare her the pain.  
  
"I've had enough of this wallowing in past sorrows stuff. Are either of you guys willing to escort a lady to dinner?" Sam's lips quivered into a tight half grin.  
  
"I would be pleased to escort you, Colonel Carter. Will you be joining us Daniel Jackson?"  
  
"Are you sure the make-up is completely off? The last thing I need is to have some Marine catch me out to dinner wearing make-up."  
  
"Teal'c and I will protect you Daniel."  
  
"Oh, thanks, Sam." Sam linked arms with Daniel and Teal'c and led them towards her front door. She knew neither of them were done interrogating her but she was tired of the discussion for tonight. She wanted more time to decide whether her heart or her head should win the debate. 


	33. sticks and stones chapter 33

Sticks and Stones Chapter 33:  
  
Sam had enjoyed a weekend alone. Daniel and Teal'c had called several times but she declined all of their offers to provide her with company. Sam went out Sunday afternoon to get some groceries and wander around downtown doing some window-shopping. She brought several bags in the house with her and noticed the blinking number two on her answering machine. She decided to finish bringing in the groceries before listening to her messages. Best case scenario the messages were Daniel and Teal'c still trying to get her out of the house. Worst case scenario it was Jack wanting to talk. He had been nice enough to leave her alone all weekend and she wasn't ready to face him yet. Her guilt over sending him off with the Tok'ra to be captured by Baal and her anger at almost dying without a word of love from him still had her guts in a knot.  
  
Sam put away all of the groceries, wiped off the kitchen counter, drank a glass of ice water, and put the glass in the dishwasher before she returned to her answering machine. She stared at the red blinking number two. Her finger hovered over the play button. She pushed it.  
  
"You have two new messages."  
  
"Hey Carter, it's me. We haven't talked all week. I thought we were getting really good at the whole talking thing. Let's not ruin it now, huh. Call me and we can do it some more...the talking thing."  
  
"Message recorded at..." Sam punched delete.  
  
"Hi, Sam. It's Pete. I know it's been a few weeks and I didn't leave on the best of terms. I'm sorry. It's been hard to just sit back and wait but that's what you wanted so that's what I've done. I was hoping you either had remembered me by now or was getting close. Once you do remember me please call, even if you're mad at me. If you just want to yell at me and break it off that would be better then nothing. If I'm really lucky you'll let us try and pick up the pieces where we left off. Please call soon."  
  
"Message recorded at..." Sam hit delete again. Her answering machine was beginning to turn into the bad soap opera her life resembled. She stomped off to her bedroom determined to forget all this crap, even if it was only for an hour or so. She changed into her sweats and grabbed her CD walkman as she headed out the door.  
  
When Jack hadn't gotten a response to his call he drove over to her house, determined to not let her drag this out. When he found she wasn't home but her car was still parked out front he knew where she had gone. He drove a few blocks over to her gym. He had never understood why she preferred going here instead of using the free base gym. Maybe it was all those Marines. It occurred to him that he needed to check out if all of the females on base avoided the gym.  
  
He watched her through the window. She was doing some real damage to that step machine. She was covered in sweat and still pounding her feet in time to the music playing on her headset. She slowed down the machine and stepped off. She bend over, keeping her knees straight, and touched her toes. Jack momentarily lost all thought of his career and all the other junk standing between them as he watched her fluid movement.  
  
"Hey buddy, do I need to call the cops?" Jack's head turned sharply as the gym manager called out to him.  
  
"Uh... No. I was just coming in to find a friend."  
  
"It better be somebody you already know mister. I won't tolerate any junk in my gym."  
  
"She knows me." Jack walked in the door as the manager gave him a less then pleasing look. There was no doubt Jack was already on his short list. Jack walked straight over to Sam, trying to look like he was supposed to be there.  
  
"Can I offer you a ride home?" Sam spun around at the sound of his voice. She could see Mike, the gym manager, watching Jack's every move. He had been more protective of Sam since she had been kidnapped right in front of the gym a few years back. She waved to Mike to let him know it was all right.  
  
"I don't need a ride." Sam picked up her towel and stepped past Jack.  
  
"I didn't see your car out front."  
  
"Are you following me?"  
  
"No, I just knew where to look when I saw you weren't home."  
  
"You just knew?"  
  
"I know you really well, Sam." Sam's head dropped and she stopped walking away from him.  
  
"Please let me give you a ride home." He touched her arm. She nodded her head; afraid any words that left her mouth would be the wrong words. The drive to her house was silent. Sam got out and walked into the house knowing he would follow. She went to the kitchen and got a bottle of water out of the refrigerator.  
  
"Would you like something to drink, sir? I have water, lemonade, and tea."  
  
"Lemonade would be fine." Sam poured him a drink and walked into the living room, where Jack was sitting on her sofa. Sam walked over to the window, putting her back towards him.  
  
"Can we talk?"  
  
"What do you want to discuss, sir?"  
  
"Stop it, Sam."  
  
"Stop what?" Sam turned towards him. Her voice got angrier with each word.  
  
"Stop reminding you that regulations still bar us from having a relationship? Stop telling you that we have already gone so far that we could be court marshaled? Stop telling you that every time we have had a chance to pick between the SGC and us we pick the SGC? What is it you want me to stop?" Sam was breathing rapidly. Luckily, she had closed the top of her water bottle because she had been shaking it as she spoke. Jack looked down at his lap.  
  
"What changed this week? What did you remember?" Sam's anger began to dissipate. He hadn't risen to her bait and yelled back. He wasn't going to make it that easy for her.  
  
"You were going to let me die in Nirrti's lab because you were too angry with me to tell me how you felt. Repeatedly we get to the moment of no return, the moment where if we act on our feelings, our military relationship would be forced to change, and we back off. We both keep playing this sick game and dragging our hearts through the mud. I'm tired of it and I refuse to keep playing."  
  
"So am I. I thought we were finally working past it."  
  
"Is that why there was a Pete, because we were working past it? I don't remember anything about him yet but his existence means I must have given up on us. Daniel admits when he descended he didn't suspect there were any of these feelings between us and I'm beginning to wonder if we had finally buried them so deep they couldn't be resurrected." Jack stood and walked towards her, staying far enough away to give her enough personal space but getting close enough to feel the heat still radiating from her freshly exercised body.  
  
"If they were so buried, what have we been doing the last few weeks?"  
  
"That's a good question. What have we been doing?"  
  
"I thought we were taking advantage of an opportunity to change our mistakes."  
  
"Things haven't really changed. All of the same restraints are still there and they can't change, not yet. All we are doing is spinning our wheels." Jack ran his hands over his face and through his hair.  
  
"I understand that from your perspective, based on the memories you are currently encountering, that things don't look great for us but it changes. Yes, you meet Pete but a few days before you left on the mission where you were hurt you came to my house to talk."  
  
"Talk?" Sam looked into his eyes for the first time since they began this conversation.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"About?" Jack reached out and gently touched her shoulder.  
  
"I'm not sure. We were interrupted."  
  
"Interrupted?"  
  
"Are you going to repeat everything I say?"  
  
"No." They both smiled a bit, breaking the tension. "So what do you think I was going to say?"  
  
"I thought you had come to ask me how I felt. I thought we were finally going to openly confront where we stood and what future we could have if we wanted it."  
  
"But we didn't?"  
  
"No." Jack got one step closer to Sam. "We were interrupted and the moment was lost. I tried to talk to you the next day but you avoided me. I think you were embarrassed. I told myself we would talk when you got back from the mission but you returned so injured that it wasn't possible to have that talk. I've been waiting all this time to pick up that conversation." Sam leaned onto his chest, letting his warmth flood her soul.  
  
"I'm not in that place right now."  
  
"I know. I came to tell you I'd keep waiting. Please promise me you won't give up until all of your memories return."  
  
"I won't close any doors until I'm whole." Jack understood her meaning. It was a double-edged sword. She wouldn't pledge herself to Jack or Pete until she knew where her head and heart stood before she had been injured. He accepted her answer for what it was, the truth. 


	34. sticks and stones chapter 34

I can't blame my beta this time. Work has been hectic and the new DVDs came out this week. I will try to do better!  
  
Sticks and Stones Chapter 34:  
  
Sam managed to immerse herself in her lab and avoid all of her male protectors for several days. They hadn't completely driven her up a wall but she was tired of being asked if she had recalled anything new. She needed space. Last night's dreams had given her some new ideas on how to spend today. She called in sick and spent about an hour on the internet. The guys began calling before she finished and she was sure at least one of them would be on her doorstep before 1000. She changed clothes and headed out.  
  
She visited Janet's grave. She didn't really remember her friend's death but she had heard the story enough that it felt real. She did have numerous memories of the good and bad times they shared over the years. Not only had they been bonded by the fact they were both women in the military fighting for respect, but they also enjoyed each other's company.  
  
As the morning moved towards noon, Sam headed for her real destination. She parked out front and watched. It wasn't long before she heard the bell and watched him walk out the door. He was with a couple of other guys and a flock of girls was following them. He had more confidence then any teenage male should be allowed. That was one of the many things that made him so popular.  
  
The hair on his neck went up. He knew he was being watched, and not in the way the silly high school girls watched him. He scanned the area without missing any detail of the conversation about the schools chances in tomorrows hockey game. His heart skipped a beat and there was a hitch in his breathing when he saw her. His friends saw the change and looked in her direction. He didn't say a word to them as he headed towards her and off school grounds.  
  
"Long time no see." He stopped several feet away from her and put his hands in his pockets.  
  
"Really?" She took off her sunglasses. The sight of her eyes made his heart flip.  
  
"Yeah. What's up?"  
  
"I thought you might like to go to lunch."  
  
"Are you suggesting I ditch school?"  
  
"Is that a problem for you?" He turned around and looked back at his friends. They hadn't missed a word. He turned back towards her.  
  
"Not really." She handed him a helmet and climbed on her bike. He looked back towards his friends, smiled, waved, put on the helmet, and climbed on behind her. She put up the kickstand. His hands touched her waist. He kept himself just far enough back so his lower body didn't touch her. It might have been a couple years since he last saw her but he knew he couldn't control this young body as well as he had controlled his older body in her presence, and her presence still affected him.  
  
She took him to Logan's. The bike ride had prevented any discussion on the ride over and she avoided all eye contact during their short wait for a table. The waitress immediately took their drink orders and left them with menus. Sam knew she wanted the fried chicken salad with ranch dressing, it was her usual, but she avoided talking to him by concentrating at the menu. He never picked up his menu. He just stared at her.  
  
"You know this menu by heart and you always get the same thing."  
  
"Maybe that's changed." She held the menu in front of her face like a shield. The waitress returned with their drinks and took their orders. Like they both expected, Sam ordered her usual and he got a burger with the works and fries.  
  
"So what's up? I thought we had both agreed it would be best if we didn't see each other ever again. Why the visit after all this time?"  
  
"I'm sorry I didn't realize we had an agreement. I mean I forgot. I mean I..." Sam fumbled to explain why she had shown up and dragged him away from his new life.  
  
"You didn't remember? What am I missing, Sam?"  
  
"There was an incident a few months ago during a mission. I had a bit of amnesia."  
  
"A bit?"  
  
"Lost it all actually. I've been getting it back in pieces, over time, starting with the oldest memories first."  
  
"So you recently remembered me?"  
  
"Last night."  
  
"I only keep George and Jack up to date on my whereabouts. How did you find me?" The discussion lulled while the waitress dropped off a basket of rolls and refilled their drinks.  
  
"I googled you."  
  
"Google? You found me on the internet?"  
  
"It was easy really. The student newspaper, including highlights of the hockey games, and the honor roll lists are on your school's website. The hardest part was remembering you were going by John."  
  
"You always were too smart for your own good." He took a sip of his drink and watched her grin. "So why did you want to see me?"  
  
"I knew seeing you would make it all feel more real. I also wanted to know how you were doing. I'm sorry but I didn't remember we had agreed not to see each other, at least not until you mentioned it. I remember it now and I wouldn't have broken that promise if I had remembered it earlier." Sam sipped her drink and played with the wrapper off the straw.  
  
"It's alright. When we made that pact it seemed to make sense but I've been regretting it for over a year."  
  
"Why?" She looked at him and her brow creased in confusion.  
  
"I guess I'm lonely. I've tried to just get on with my new life but I'm only 17 on the outside. It's hard to put up with teenage kids all day, especially when adults refuse to see you as anything other then a teenager."  
  
"I can't imagine."  
  
"I really thought I could put the last 30 or so years behind me and start fresh. On the outside I'm sure I look and act like any other teenager but on the inside I'm bursting to be accepted back into the adult world."  
  
"We shouldn't have abandoned you. We shouldn't have left you behind. You wouldn't have let us get away with disappearing."  
  
"George has done a great job of keeping up with me. If I know myself as well as I do the other me is keeping up with what I'm doing through George as much as I'm keeping up with him. How am I doing at being a General?" The food arrived, giving Sam a moment to ponder how to best answer his question.  
  
"It suits him better then I bet you assumed it would. He make calm levelheaded decisions. He's more serious but still enjoyable to be around. He's good for morale."  
  
"Have you checked for alien possession lately?" She smiled at his joke.  
  
"I'll check into that when I get back."  
  
"So, I'm enjoyable to be around."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Does that mean more then it sounds like it means?" She looked down at her partially eaten salad.  
  
"Not really. Technically, I'm engaged, although I don't remember the guy yet. Jack seems to think that just before the mission that went bad I tried to confess my feelings for him."  
  
"Calling him Jack's a good sign." Sam blushed. "Do you think you would have been ready to make that admission?"  
  
"I don't know. I can't remember that far ahead. At this point in my memory I'm still angry that you'd closed me out."  
  
"I was protecting myself, Sam. My feelings for you were so strong that I had to distance myself to survive. Even now, after years without seeing you and an age difference we won't discuss, I still find myself wanting to be with you. " Sam locked eyes with the young man in front of her. His face displayed his youth but his eyes showed the age of his soul. She reached her hand across the table and touched his fingers.  
  
"He cared for me, even as he watched me dying without saying a word."  
  
"I was dying with you. I wouldn't have walked out of that cell whole if you hadn't returned with me. I didn't want you to know what would become of me if you died. I didn't want you grappling with that guilt as you laid on that cot praying for a miracle." Her eyes filled with tears.  
  
"Why can't he tell me that?"  
  
"He still sees you everyday. He doesn't feel your loss like I do." His hand clasped her. They stared into each other's eyes until they felt the waitress move back to their table. They let go as she gave them a slightly confused look.  
  
"Thanks, John. I needed to hear that."  
  
"I hope it helps. You know if it doesn't work out with him or this other loser you're engaged to then you can always give me a call. Every teenage boy would love to be able to take you to the prom." Sam grimaced.  
  
"I don't have fond memories of the prom and I'd rather not relive it."  
  
"It'd be different with me." Sam looked at him and felt the intensity of his statement.  
  
"I'm sure it would be." She smiled and he grinned back at her. They shared a piece of cheesecake for dessert before she took him back to campus so he could get his truck.  
  
"Thanks for the bike ride, Sam."  
  
"I knew you'd enjoy it. Thanks for the talk."  
  
"Keep in touch, huh." He handed her the spare helmet.  
  
"I promise. Call me and we'll do lunch again, on a day when you're not in school."  
  
"Deal." He smiled and put on his glasses as she rode off.  
  
"Don't be mad at her. She needed to talk and it was good for both of us."  
  
"How did you know I was here?"  
  
"I know you pretty well, Jack. The school also calls guardians when a kid skips class. You and George are listed as my guardians."  
  
"Ahhh."  
  
"I'm an honor's student you know. I can figure these things out. Go talk to her. She needs you."  
  
"Thanks."  
  
"Don't blow it old man." John walked off leaving Jack perturbed but amused. Arguing with himself had always been pointless, even when the other him was a clone. 


	35. sticks and stones chapter 35

Thanks for all of the wonderful reviews. I obviously got you interested with Mini-Jack. Now it's time to get back to the serious angst. On with the show...  
  
Sticks and Stones Chapter 35:  
  
The knock on her door wasn't too surprising. She knew one of her friends were sure to show up some time today. They worried too much, which wasn't always so bad. She opened her door and grinned as Jack held up a half gallon of decadent chocolate delight ice cream.  
  
"My father told me to never trust a man bearing ice cream." He grinned.  
  
"Are you listening to him all of a sudden?"  
  
"No, but I thought it was best to warn you since he can be a real snake when he's riled." She stepped aside and let him enter the foyer.  
  
"A real snake, huh. You should leave the bad puns and jokes to the pros Carter."  
  
"Sorry, sir. I've got bowls and spoons."  
  
"Luckily they go perfectly with this particular brand of ice cream." They both smiled and went to her kitchen. He fixed heaping bowls of ice cream. He took his bowl to the living room and sat on her sofa. She followed and sat at the other end of the sofa.  
  
"How was school today?" He mumbled a bit due to the large hunk of ice cream he had shoved into his mouth.  
  
"He told you?"  
  
"No. The school called when he skipped his afternoon classes."  
  
"Ah, makes sense." She looked into her bowl of ice cream and spun her spoon around the edge.  
  
"Eat up before it melts." The silence was interrupted by the sound of their spoons making contact with their bowls. He couldn't keep his eyes off her mouth as she slowly pulled the spoon out of her mouth with each bite. She was perfectly aware of what she was doing to him. She took small bites, twisting the spoon in her mouth, and licking every bit of ice cream off the spoon. After about five bites she wasn't able to stop from grinning.  
  
"You witch."  
  
"Sir?"  
  
"You're doing this on purpose."  
  
"Maybe." She took another bite but the spoon emerged with a light coating of ice cream clinging to the back of the spoon. Sam slowly stuck out her tongue and licked the back of the spoon. She closed her eyes and slightly tilted her head back at the same time. She heard a quiet groan rumble from Jack's chest and she felt the cushions move as he readjusted his position on the sofa.  
  
"I better go." Her eyes opened.  
  
"I'll stop."  
  
"Good, it would be embarrassing to die from watching you enjoy ice cream." Jack stood up and took his bowl into the kitchen.  
  
"Are you still leaving?"  
  
"I have to. SG-18 is due back soon and they were on an unstable planet. I need to be there when they gate back."  
  
"Oh." Jack walked over behind the sofa. He leaned over and kissed her forehead.  
  
"I promise I'll call later, ok."  
  
"Sure." He hated leaving her like this but it was obvious they needed some space and he did need to get back to work.  
  
"I could send Danny or Teal'c over later."  
  
"No thanks, I need some me time." She walked him to the door. As his hand reached out towards the doorknob, she put her hand on his arm. He turned to look at her and she stepped closer. Even if he had wanted to stop her, she was too quick for him. Her lips touched his before his brain registered what was happening. When she pulled back he was grinning and his cheeks were slightly pink. There were no more words exchanged. She felt giddy but lonely as she watched him leaving.  
  
Sam woke the next morning with new memories flooding her mind. She dressed quickly and headed to the mountain. She went straight to Daniel's lab. She smelled the coffee before she found the man sitting in front of his computer.  
  
"Oh, hey Sam. Just the woman I wanted to see. SG-14 brought this statue back from 876. I've figured out this panel of text and I think this might house a power source. Would you have time to check it out?"  
  
"You and Janet were in love but you didn't do anything about it." Daniel looked up and sat the statue down on the bench.  
  
"True."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Cassie was going to graduate soon and Janet wanted to focus on her. We discussed it several times and decided we would wait a year or so. We knew if it was real it would still be there, no matter how long we waited."  
  
"But it wasn't." Sam sat down.  
  
"It's still here." Daniel put his hand on his chest.  
  
"But she's not."  
  
"No, she's not but at least I knew."  
  
"What does that mean?" Sam looked up at Daniel. There were tears in her eyes but they refused to run down her cheeks.  
  
"It means that although losing her was hard, I'm glad were able to tell each other we shared feelings even though we decided to wait before we acted."  
  
"When we brought you back with all those minds in your head she was frantic. She refused to give up on you."  
  
"And she won. She was so amazing." Daniel smiled at the memory. "I remember her yelling at me, or at the mind in control at the time. She sure was full of fire."  
  
"But you didn't see her when you were trapped on the flooding planet when Felger's virus took down the gate system. I found her in the locker room crying. Did you know that?" Daniel shook his head no.  
  
"It brought back memories of when you died in front of her. She hadn't ever really gotten over having to let you go and now she thought she was going to lose you again."  
  
"We first talked after the too many minds in the one head incident. We agreed then to just be friends until after Cassie left for college. Then we planned to take it slow. We had both been burned, in different ways, but the pain was still lingering for both of us. It felt right at the time." Daniel picked up a pen and began switching it from his right to his left hand and back again.  
  
"When I got back after the gate system was fixed, she came over the my apartment. We went further that night then we had planned and I think it scared us both a little. We pulled back and a few days later, once the hormones had ebbed, we talked again. She still wanted to focus on Cassie and I still wanted to focus on our friendship." Sam reached her hand out and put it on Daniel's hands.  
  
"And now that she's gone, do you wish you had done it differently?"  
  
"The only thing I regret is losing her. I would have rather been shot then watch her die or see Cassie lose another mother. I'd have done anything to save her but I'm glad we didn't jump into a relationship neither of us was ready to pursue."  
  
"You would have been great together."  
  
"We were great together." He smiled and Sam nodded. "Have you had breakfast?"  
  
"No."  
  
"I hear there are apple turnovers this morning."  
  
"After you." 


	36. sticks and stones chapter 36

Sticks and Stones Chapter 36:  
  
When Sam woke, she began rubbing her shoulder. At first, she wasn't sure why her shoulder was bothering her then she remembered dreaming about the super soldiers and Anubis' home base. She knew she had been lucky to make it out of there intact.  
  
She got to work early that morning and went to the commissary before making her way to her lab. She passed Teal'c's room on the way and grinned. She had remembered Ishta a couple days earlier, but she hadn't had a chance to talk to Teal'c about her yet. She knew he still visited her, since he had wisely used her recovery time to make several visits to see Ishta and his son.  
  
Sam sighed as she reached her lab door. She was glad Teal'c had found someone special. The loss of his wife, twice, had been difficult for him even though he didn't show it on the outside. Sam assumed the life pacts of a hundred years or more made by Jaffa would increase the pain of loss.  
  
As she sat at her computer to begin checking her email images of Teal'c and Ishta kissing in the gate room flooded her mind. Without any warning, flashes of Jack in the arms of a tall brunette appeared in her head. She gripped the table and her knuckles turned white. Sam saw herself pulling up towards Jack's house. Another car entered his drive. Sam stopped her car where she could see his house but not look like she was parked in front of his house.  
  
She knew she didn't have any right to be here watching him. She knew better then to spy on a superior officer, a friend. She didn't move as the woman got out of her car and went to his door. She knocked. He smiled as he opened the door. They embraced, she looked up and their lips met. It wasn't a kiss shared by friends or family. It was the kiss of lovers. It was a deep kiss of passion. Sam waited until the door closed and she drove off.  
  
As the memory assaulted Sam, she couldn't stop the tears. She raced from her lab to the women's bathroom just down the hall. She was thankfully alone. The feeling of betrayal hit her hard. She knew it wasn't rational to be angry he was seeing someone. She had no claim over him. The bile rose in her throat as she realized she had been on her way over to his house to try and discuss the unmentionable feelings she thought they shared. Seeing the super soldiers had impressed upon her the slim chances of ending this fight anytime soon and she had decided she didn't want to wait. She was going to request a transfer to another team if he reciprocated her feelings. She was so certain they both felt the same that she didn't even wonder what she would do if he told her no.  
  
Sam washed her face and looked at herself in the mirror. Was he still seeing her? If he was, why hadn't he mentioned her? Could she be the real reason he kept telling her he wanted to wait? Sam shook her head. She needed answers and decided the best place to go was Daniel.  
  
She entered his lab without knocking. He was working quietly on a parchment. Several books were opened around him. Sam was too upset to concern herself with interrupting politely.  
  
"Did you know he was seeing somebody?"  
  
"Sam?"  
  
"Did you know General O'Neill was seeing somebody?"  
  
"He was seeing someone a few weeks before you got hurt but it faded. I never got the feeling it was serious. Why do you ask?"  
  
"If it wasn't serious why had they been going out for a year?"  
  
"A year? It was maybe a couple of months, tops."  
  
"Then we can't be talking about the same person." Sam paced the room. She was playing with one of the zippers on her pants pocket.  
  
"When are you talking about?" Daniel got up and walked over to Sam. He stood behind her and put a hand on her arm. She turned towards him but she didn't meet his eyes.  
  
"My shoulder was just about fully healed after my visit to see Anubis. I went over to his house to talk and I saw them."  
  
"Maybe you misinterpreted what you saw."  
  
"There wasn't any chance for misinterpretation." Her jaw hardened at the memory. Daniel pulled her closer.  
  
"I'm sorry, Sam, but I didn't know about him seeing anybody seriously. He has had a few brief flings of little meaning over the years but few second dates. There's only one person who can answer your questions. Talk to him." Sam pulled away.  
  
"Yeah, I'll do that." Sam backed up towards the door. "Thanks, Daniel. I'll see you later."  
  
"Ok." Daniel's heart hit his stomach as she walked out of the room. She was getting hurt all over again and he hated watching it. He knew something was bothering her before she left on the Prometheus but she'd refused to talk about it. At the time, Daniel had assumed she was running from something. Now he knew she was running from a broken heart, again.  
  
It was well after dinner when Jack and Teal'c showed up in Daniel's lab.  
  
"Hey Danny-boy, wanna go out for drinks and some pool?"  
  
"Is Sam going?"  
  
"She wasn't in her lab."  
  
"Did you look anywhere else?"  
  
"Of course we did, Daniel. We checked all the usual places. I figure she went home at a reasonable hour. You're the only one I have to pull out of their lab tonight."  
  
"How early did she leave?"  
  
"I don't know. Why?"  
  
"It's a hunch." Daniel picked up the phone. "Could you please tell me if Colonel Carter signed out today? What time? Thank-you sergeant." Daniel looked up at Jack.  
  
"She left a little before 1000."  
  
"That's pretty early, especially for Carter."  
  
"Yeah, it is. Did she come and talk to you this morning?"  
  
"No, why?"  
  
"She needed to. I should have known she wouldn't do it." Daniel stood up and grabbed his coat off his chair. Jack reached out and grabbed his arm.  
  
"Where are you going?"  
  
"To find her."  
  
"What's going on?"  
  
"It's not my place to tell you." Daniel tried to jerk out of Jack's grip but he was unsuccessful. Daniel could see the barely controlled anger surfacing on Jack's face.  
  
"Daniel, out with it. Now." Daniel shook his head but gave in.  
  
"She remembered seeing you with another woman."  
  
"When?" Daniel could see the truly confused looked on Jack's face. He felt sorry for him and angry with him at the same time.  
  
"Just before she shipped out on the Prometheus." Jack let go. That explained so much! She had requested that mission without speaking to him about it. She had been so cold and distant before she left. Now he knew why.  
  
"Kathy."  
  
"Kathy?"  
  
"It lasted a few months. I tried to pretend it was serious..."  
  
"Is that why you introduced her to us?" Daniel didn't attempt to hide the contempt or anger in his voice. Jack didn't look at Teal'c, who he was sure would be disappointed in him.  
  
"I guess choosing to keep her a secret should have been my first clue, huh."  
  
"Ya' think?" Jack flinched from the brutality of Daniel's voice. "When did it end?"  
  
"When Carter was lost with the Prometheus. The way I felt when she was missing..."  
  
"Tell her."  
  
"What?" Jack's eyes widened in horror.  
  
"She needs to hear it from you and you need to know why she went on the Prometheus."  
  
"Did she tell you?"  
  
"She didn't have to, Jack." Jack lowered his head and raked his hand through his hair. "And by the way Jack, you're a total idiot for ever letting it get this bad."  
  
"Thanks for the support."  
  
"I concur, O'Neill. You and Colonel Carter have let this get out of hand. Honesty will be your only salvation."  
  
"Easier said then done, Teal'c."  
  
"I have never known you to be a man who took the easy road, Jack."  
  
"Yeah, right. I'll go find her. I'll see you guys in the morning."  
  
"Call me if you need back up." Jack waved as he walked out of Daniel's lab. His stomach was in knots. This had to be why she had gone out with that damn cop. All this time he had thought she'd finally given up on him. Now he knew she turned away from him to protect herself. She was protecting herself from him. He was the one causing her pain. 


	37. sticks and stones chapter 37

Sticks and Stones Chapter 37:  
  
"Morning, Jack. You look awful. I guess it didn't go well with Sam, huh." Daniel sat in the chair across from Jack's desk.  
  
"I never found her." Jack's head lowered.  
  
"What!" Daniel sat up straight.  
  
"I did find her request for leave in my in box this morning. She requested the rest of the week. There's no indication where she went."  
  
"Have you called her brother?"  
  
"I didn't want to spook him if she isn't there."  
  
"Ok. So where else would she go?"  
  
"I have no idea." Jack and Daniel contemplated in silence. Teal'c found them still sitting there several minutes later.  
  
"Is there a problem?"  
  
"Sam requested leave and now we can not find her."  
  
"Perhaps that is as she intended."  
  
"It still bothers me. She hasn't gotten all of her memories back yet. I don't like the idea of her wondering around upset with partial memories."  
  
"So what do you suggest, O'Neill." Jack looked at Daniel and then picked up his phone. He was still looking at Sam's file on his computer so the number he needed was right in front of him. Daniel sat further forward as Jack dialed.  
  
"May I speak with Mark Carter, please? Thanks. Good morning, Mr. Carter. This is General O'Neill in Colorado. Your sister, Samantha Carter, has taken a couple of days leave and I need to ask her a few questions. I'm afraid I don't know where she was going. I'm calling in the hope you will be able to tell me where she has gone." There was a long pause. Daniel was wringing his hands and staring at the phone.  
  
"Ok, thanks. I understand." Jack hung up the phone. "He said he would let her know I was looking for her."  
  
"Then she must be ok." Daniel sat back in the chair.  
  
"That means we have no choice but wait for Colonel Carter to chose to return." Teal'c turned and walked out of the room.  
  
"Yeah." Daniel stood and moved out the door. Just as he passed the doorframe he heard Jack mutter, "I'm such an idiot." Daniel agreed but decided there was no point in voicing it.  
  
Sam called late in the afternoon.  
  
"O'Neill."  
  
"This is Colonel Carter, sir. I had a message that you called."  
  
"Are you alright, Carter?"  
  
"Yes, sir. Didn't you get my leave request, sir?"  
  
"Yeah but I was worried because you didn't talk to me before you left."  
  
"I didn't know that was necessary, sir. I won't let it happen again. Is there a problem I can help with, sir?"  
  
"That's not what I mean, Carter." Jack sighed in frustration.  
  
"Daniel has a big mouth."  
  
"Yeah, he can't keep a secret. We need to talk. I want to explain."  
  
"I'll be back next week."  
  
"What if that's too long?"  
  
"It was over a year ago, sir. What can change in a week?"  
  
"I'd rather not find out. Please come back so we can talk about this."  
  
"I'm sorry, sir, but I haven't seen my brother or his family in months. I'll come straight to your office when I return."  
  
"Or my house."  
  
"I'll be in your office, first thing Monday morning, sir."  
  
"I'll see you then, Carter." Jack flinched when he heard the phone click. He was sure he had lost her. Jack wasn't looking forward to the rest of this week.  
  
Her return was quiet and uneventful. She went straight to Jack's office after checking in, changing into her BDU's, and dropping off her bags. Jack stood as she entered his office.  
  
"Morning, Carter. It's good to see you're back. How was your trip?"  
  
"Relaxing, sir." They both sat down.  
  
"It's hard to believe you were able to relax with both kids around."  
  
"They were in school most of the time."  
  
"Until this weekend."  
  
"I spent the weekend in Denver."  
  
"Denver?"  
  
"Yes." Jack looked down at some papers on his desk.  
  
"Pete?"  
  
"Yes, sir." He couldn't bring himself to look at her hand. He didn't want to know.  
  
"I see. Well, Walters said a few glitches registered during a routine gate diagnostic while you were gone. He asked me to have you stop by and take a look."  
  
"I'll be happy to do that, sir. Is there anything else?"  
  
"No, Colonel. You're dismissed."  
  
"Thank-you, sir." Sam stood. Neither saw the pained look on the other's face because they were each trying so hard to not make eye contact.  
  
Sam took the print outs from the gate diagnostics back to the lab. None of it looked serious but she wanted to double-check them. Daniel found her there working a couple hours later.  
  
"Hey, Sam. It's good to have you back. Are we still on schedule to go to 463 on Thursday?"  
  
"As far as I know. Did you have a good week?"  
  
"Yeah, although I was worried about you."  
  
"You told him." Her eyes were hard and accusatory.  
  
"Sort of."  
  
"Sort of?"  
  
"I told him you saw him with someone but that's it." Sam nodded her head and looked back towards her laptop. "Are we still on speaking terms?"  
  
"Of course."  
  
"So where are you...memory wise."  
  
"Recovering from one hell of a concussion."  
  
"The Prometheus."  
  
"Yeah. Did I ever tell you I had hallucinations while I was on board alone?"  
  
"Yeah, apparently we all visited with sage advice."  
  
"Even my dad made an appearance. I wish I knew how he was doing."  
  
"We all do. How are you dealing with Jack and Kathy?'  
  
"Kathy?"  
  
"Apparently that must be who you saw."  
  
"Ah. I went to see Pete this weekend."  
  
"And?"  
  
"I remember my brother setting us up. I had a few flashes of going to movies and walks in the park while we were together this weekend. Nothing dramatic."  
  
"Did you two get along alright?"  
  
"He was a gentleman. He didn't push too much and he tried to be understanding. He looked a bit sad a few times when I couldn't remember some reference to something we had shared. He noticed the lack of the ring but he didn't ask. That says a lot, don't you think?"  
  
"I guess so. Did you feel a bond?"  
  
"I could definitely be his friend. He's nice, funny, and normal acting. That has appeal."  
  
"Just a friend?"  
  
"I don't know yet. We left it open."  
  
"Does Jack know?"  
  
"He knows I went to Denver and saw Pete."  
  
"That's it."  
  
"Yeah. He didn't ask me any more and the witch in me decided to let him stew over it a bit."  
  
"How long are you gonna let him hang?"  
  
"I don't know. Have you got any suggestions?'  
  
"Let's ask Teal'c. He's really good at torture." Sam grinned. Daniel stood and held his hand out to Sam. She took his hand and let him lead her out of her lab towards Teal'c room. 


	38. sticks and stones chapter 38

All you wonderful reviewers really want Jack to be tortured. I really appreciate the reviews and I'm sorry to disappoint on the actual torture aspect. Angst is the main torture device for this story.  
  
Sticks and Stones Chapter 38:  
  
Teal'c, Sam , and Daniel spent the evening going to a movie and then playing games in an arcade. Sam had a great time! Teal'c was amazing. Teenagers lined up around him to watch his Jaffa trained reflexes kick computerized alien butt.  
  
Daniel and Sam dropped Teal'c off at the SGC a little before eleven. Daniel took Sam home.  
  
"I can come in for a while, if you want."  
  
"That's ok. It's late and we both need some sleep. I had fun tonight. Thanks for dragging me out."  
  
"Tomorrow we can keep working on how to torture Jack."  
  
"Sounds like a plan." Sam got out of the car and went inside. Daniel didn't pull away until she was inside and the lights were on. His protective streak made her smile.  
  
As Sam was getting ready for bed her phone rang. She spit out the toothpaste and ran into her bedroom.  
  
"Carter."  
  
"You're at home. You shouldn't be answering the phone like you're at work."  
  
"Sorry, sir. Is there a problem?"  
  
"Yes, can I come over and talk?"  
  
"It's sorta late, sir. Can it wait until tomorrow?"  
  
"I suppose but I'd rather do it now." Sam gave a long pause before answering.  
  
"Ok, come on over."  
  
"I'm outside your front door." Sam turned off the phone and shook her head. She didn't even think about what she was wearing. She went straight to the door.  
  
"Hi." He looked amazing in just simple jeans and t-shirt. She grinned as she realized he looked amazing in everything.  
  
"Come on in, sir." His eyes hadn't left her face. His jaw was tight and his eyes were slightly lidded. She wasn't sure if that meant he was tired or upset. Jack went straight for her living room. Unlike other visits when he sat on her sofa he went for a chair this time. Sam wasn't sure if that was a signal.  
  
"Danny told me you saw me kissing Kathy." Sam's breathing audibly faltered. It wasn't like Jack to come right to the point.  
  
"Yes, sir. I'm sorry I invaded your privacy, sir. I wouldn't have come over if I had realized you were involved."  
  
"Why would my having been involved change your desire to visit?" Sam didn't want to answer the question. "We promised honesty, Sam." She ran her hands through her hair and down to her neck. Suddenly realizing how little covering her halter-top provided, especially bra-less, she crossed her arms over her chest. As her arms moved, she saw him let his eyes wander over her bare shoulders.  
  
"I was coming over to discuss my switching SG teams." His brow furrowed and his eyes shot up.  
  
"Because I was seeing someone else?"  
  
"No, sir. I didn't know you were seeing someone until I arrived and saw you kissing." His head hung as she said the word kissing. He ran his hand over the back of his neck. "I thought if I switched teams we could maybe..."  
  
"Why now? Why were you suddenly willing to make this change?"  
  
"I'd spent so long telling myself we would be free to do what we want some day. Any time now, the fighting was going to end and we would be able to retire or take cushy desk jobs or something. Seeing those super soldiers convinced me it wasn't going to end anytime soon."  
  
"That was it? A few hundred super soldiers and your ready to retire to a lab."  
  
"That wasn't all." Sam rubbed her hands together and brushed her toes through the carpet. "I also had a check up at the academy the week after Felger's virus."  
  
"A check up? Was something wrong?"  
  
"Not exactly. I mean all the tests were fine. I'm the perfect picture of health, I just happen to be old." Jack grinned and looked up at her.  
  
"You are so not old, Carter."  
  
"I don't mean old like retirement home old. I mean old like fertility is almost zero old."  
  
"Oh." Jack looked at her bare feet. He had to look away as he began thinking how sexy her ankles looked when she flexed her feet.  
  
"There was a pamphlet on infertility in the examining room. It went into the effects of age on egg production. It wasn't anything I didn't know but it got me thinking."  
  
"About?"  
  
"I'm closer to the age my mother was when she died then when she had me."  
  
"Ok." Jack wanted to seem compassionate but he didn't know how. The phone rang as he was pondering a better response. Sam got up and grabbed the living room extension. Jack glanced at the clock. It was just after midnight. What idiot would be calling Sam this late? Jack hoped it wasn't an emergency. His pager was clipped to his belt. He checked to be sure that he hadn't missed a call. Sam returned to the sofa carrying the phone.  
  
"No, it's fine. I wasn't in bed yet." Sam forgot to cover her chest with her arms. Jack sucked in a breath as he watched her getting settled on the sofa, tucking one of her legs behind the other and sitting on her foot. She looked small and venerable, very un-Carterlike, sitting like this on her sofa.  
  
"I appreciate that but I'm not ready yet. I promise I will call as the memories begin." She paused, listening to her caller. She avoided making eye contact with Jack.  
  
"I don't know how long it will take. The memories seem to coming back slower now that I have gone back to work. I guess I'm just not spending as much time stressing over getting them back as I was in the beginning."  
  
"I've been cleared for full duty. That's not fair. He wouldn't do anything to risk my life." Jack watched Sam's mouth tightened. He knew the signs of a pissed off Sam and she was building steam.  
  
"You are being irrational and I refuse to discuss this with you. I don't know what has gotten into you tonight but sleep it off. I'll talk to you later." Sam pushed the off button on the phone. Jack glanced up but kept his head down.  
  
"Friend of yours?"  
  
"Pete?"  
  
"Ah, how's he doing."  
  
"He's having a hard time with this."  
  
"Doesn't he realize putting pressure on you isn't going to help?" Sam shrugged. The shrugging motion reminded her of her bra-less state and she recrossed her arms.  
  
"He's just anxious for answers that I can't provide, yet."  
  
"He's not alone." Jack looked up and caught her eye. "Why did you request assignment on the Prometheus and what happened while you were out there?" Sam slowly nodded her head.  
  
"Honestly, huh?"  
  
"Yeah...don't try and spare my feelings. Tell me the whole truth and nothing but the truth." 


	39. sticks and stones chapter 39

Sticks and Stones Chapter 39:  
  
"Would coffee make this any easier to hear?" Sam grinned.  
  
"It's too late for coffee and you need to stop stalling." Jack was leaning forward and his hands were busy playing with the leg of his pants. "Did you request the Prometheus trip to get away from me?"  
  
"Yes, sir." Jack leaned back in the chair and put a hand up to his eyes. "I don't mean that as bluntly as it sounds. I just needed some time to think."  
  
"Time away from me." Sam looked down at her carpet and bit her lower lip.  
  
"Yes." Jack stood.  
  
"Thanks for being honest. I'll go now." Jack stepped towards the hall. Sam quickly stood and grabbed his arm.  
  
"You visited me on the Prometheus."  
  
"I read as much in your report."  
  
"But you didn't read about what really happened between us." Jack turned around and watched her face, avoiding eye contact.  
  
"Which was?"  
  
"You promised to always be there for me. I told you I'd give up the SGC for you but you told me you would never ask me to give up my career to be with you." Jack took a step closer.  
  
"That's all true."  
  
"We kissed."  
  
"I missed that part." Sam grinned. Jack placed his hand on her upper arm.  
  
"We kissed just like you had kissed her."  
  
"Oh." Jack let go of her arm.  
  
"My father told me to go out and find happiness. I'd assumed he meant you." Sam reached up with her free hand and touched his face.  
  
"But?"  
  
"When I woke I felt like I was still in the midst of that kiss. In my mind, just for a moment, we were a couple. When I saw you, heard you, I remembered our agreed upon boundaries. I felt..." Sam let go of Jack.  
  
"What?" Jack's brow was creased and his eyes narrowed.  
  
"For a brief second I felt broken. For some reason I can't describe, I feared we couldn't be." Jack took a step back. The pain etched on Sam's face was too much to bear. He turned away from her and faced the door. "At the same time I didn't know what I would do if the hope of an us was taken away from me completely."  
  
"So when did you decide to go out and get a life?"  
  
"When my Dad left I felt so alone. I know I had you, Daniel, and Teal'c but there are so many things we won't let ourselves be for each other. I needed somebody with fewer reservations then me."  
  
"Something Pete can do but I can't."  
  
"Maybe." Jack's head dropped.  
  
"So all this touchy feely crap and honesty has gotten us back to where we were before you were hurt. You're still gonna go back with him because he's an open book." Jack stepped closer to the door.  
  
"I haven't said that. I'm not an open book either, so quit trying so hard to read me." Jack stood still in her foyer.  
  
"So what now?" Sam walked up behind him. She stood close but she didn't touch him. She whispered her response and he felt her breath on his neck.  
  
"I'm not sure but I know I'm not ready to stop hoping. Can you give me the time I need to work this out?" Jack swallowed but remained absolutely still, not wanting to break the moment of closeness.  
  
"The last thing I want to do is push you. I can wait as long as it takes." Neither of them moved. "I'm sorry I gave up on us."  
  
"So am I." They stood motionless for several minutes. Finally Sam broke the spell by placing both of her hands on his shoulders and leaning her forehead against his neck. She felt him shiver and take a deep breath.  
  
"Night, Sam." She subtly nodded her head in understanding.  
  
"Night." He step to her door and let himself out in the cold early morning air. Sam watched the door close and listened as the sound of his truck engine signaled his departure. She locked the door, turned off the lights, and went back to her bedroom.  
  
Her mind was racing and she was unable to sleep. She worked a couple crossword puzzles but they weren't challenging enough to occupy her mind. She cleaned her kitchen but there wasn't much to do since she so rarely cooked. She surfed the web for a while but that was more disturbing then comforting. Finally, she got out some of her photo albums and worked on recalling more of her still misty past. 


	40. sticks and stones chapter 40

We all have colds and my daughter topped it off with an ear infection. Eventually I'll be well enough to get back to some serious writing and my beta will be able to check over my stuff before I post. We'll get it together again soon - I promise! Here is something fun to hold you over until I can get back into the serious angst.

Sticks and Stones Chapter 40

"Morning, Sam." Daniel cheerily walked into Sam's lab carrying a steaming hot cup of coffee.

"Morning." Sam slouched over her laptop on the bench.

"No offense intended Sam, but you look like crap. Are you feeling ok?" Daniel walked over to Sam's bench and leaned against it so he could see her face. Sam rubbed her hand over her eyes.

"I just couldn't get to sleep last night."

"You do know it's the weekend and you don't need to be here, right?"

"And what else do you suggest I do?"

"How about relax and have some fun? I'm pretty sure you could find somebody around here who could teach you the best ways to blow off steam." Daniel grinned at her.

"It's not that simple, Daniel."

"Why isn't it? Why can't you two just go out and have some fun, no strings attached?"

"That just not how it works between us."

"Maybe that should change. See ya' later." Daniel pushed off the bench and walked out of her lab. Sam sat in silence and contemplated for a while. She remembered going to the movies and dancing with Pete but she couldn't recall any times of just fun with Jack. Did that mean they didn't exist or that she didn't remember them? With determination she stood, turned off her computer, and left her lab.

As she pulled into his driveway, she began to feel her strength diminish. She wondered if this was such a great idea. She had wanted to make some memories with Jack that would compare with the ones of Pete. She wanted to know if they could click outside of work, off the battlefield.

She got out of her car and picked up his newspaper. She carried it to the door and knocked, avoiding the bell in case he was still sleeping. She heard him move to the door and she assumed he was looking at her through the peephole. The door opened slowly.

"Morning, Carter. Did you come all this way to deliver today's paper?" Sam looked down at the paper in her hand and smiled. She looked back up at him and grinned wider.

"No, I came to see if you would like to spend the day with me."

"Are you planning to do astrophysics stuff all day, 'cause there are several good games coming on this afternoon?"

"No astrophysics, sir. I was thinking about lunch followed by a movie. It's not an elaborate plan and any ideas you have would be appreciated." Jack just stared at her, unsure of what would have motivated her to be here like this. "Can I come in?"

"Of course. Sorry, sorry, sorry." Jack moved and Sam stepped around him. She went straight to his living room and sat on the sofa. "Give me a few minutes to get cleaned up." Sam nodded as Jack picked up his coffee cup and a plate of crumbs and headed to the kitchen. He went to the back of the house while Sam got up and looked out onto the back deck. It took him fifteen minutes to shower, dress, and reappear in the living room.

"So what made you decide to come over today?" Sam turned and looked at him. His damp hair, unbuttoned shirt, and bare feet made him more appealing then when she had arrived.

"Daniel."

"Not that I'm complaining that you want to hang out but what did Daniel do to spark this?"

"He told me how bad I looked after staying up last night. He suggested I have some fun and he implied you were the best person to be able to get me to relax."

"Well, I'll have to thank Daniel later. So your plan is lunch and a movie, huh?"

"That's all I've come up with so far. Any other ideas?"

"It's a bit early for lunch seeing as it's 0930. Most movie theaters aren't open this early either."

"Ok so maybe I'm a bit rusty on the going out for a day of fun thing. I mostly only did that with Janet and Cassie."

"I doubt Cassie and I have the same idea of what's fun. Let me have that paper for a minute." Jack searched the paper. He tore out a couple of pages and then grinned. "Ready?"

"What are we doing?"

"My surprise. Come on." Jack walked to the door and held it open for her. She waited on the porch until he had locked the door. Sam followed Jack to his truck and climbed in as he held the door open for her. She wasn't surprised to see him acting as such a gentleman; she saw this side of him in small ways often. She was surprised by how much she enjoyed being on the receiving end of his attention.

Jack drove for about twenty minutes to the outskirts of Colorado City. He joined a short line of cars going to the fair grounds. Sam saw the Ferris Wheel and smiled.

"I didn't even realize the fair was in town."

"I heard about it on the news last night. I figured if the gating, flying jets, and riding motorcycles are any indication you like a bit of speed and adrenaline. No better way to feed an adrenaline junkie then taking them on fast amusement park rides constructed in less then a day."

"You make it sound so reckless." She glanced at him from the corner of her eye. "I can't wait." She grinned at him as he rolled down his window to pay the parking attendant. They spent the morning riding the Wheel of Doom, The Horror Express, The Ram's Head, and a Tilt-O-Whirl. 

"I had no idea you screamed like a girl, Carter."

"I am a girl and screaming makes it more fun." She nudged him in the chest with her shoulder and he smiled, enjoying the feel of the banter they shared. Lunch consisted of hot dogs, nachos, and sodas.

"Can we ride the Ferris wheel?" Jack looked up at the object of her desire.

"If you're sure it isn't too scary for you."

"Daniel's the one with a thing against heights, not me. I bet we can see the entrance to Cheyenne Mountain from the top."

"You're not supposed to be thinking about work."

"So take me on a Ferris Wheel ride and get my mind back on fun." She smiled at him and wiped a bit of nacho cheese off his lip with her finger. He didn't know what she was doing and his eyes darkened as she pulled her hand away. Both of them felt their heart rates increase.

"To the Ferris Wheel it is." His voice was weak but she heard him and followed. They gave the ride operator their tickets and sat together. Sam smiled. The best part of the morning had been squishing into the rides next to Jack. They had no choice but get close in order to fit. The only thing else she wanted was a bit more knee room. Not even Janet would have been able to stretch her legs on these rides!

As they reached the top of the wheel, Sam pointed out across the vista. Jack put his arm behind her on the back of the seat. When Sam leaned back, she felt his arm. Her head slowly leaned over and she rested on his shoulder. She closed her eyes and rested as they descended. Without warning she was assaulted by memories.

She was sitting beside Jack on a rock. His arm was around her and he was telling her everything was going to be all right. She was injured and in a lot of pain. She was so tired she didn't want to move but Jack reminded her it was a long way back to the gate.

"You were disappointed in me."

"What?"

"You didn't say it but I could tell by the way you were holding me and talking to me. I had disappointed you because..." Jack turned in his seat to get a better look at Sam. Her eyes were wide and moving rapidly. Jack reached up and stroked her face.

"I've never been disappointed in you." Her eyes locked on him.

"That's not true. We were sitting on a rock and you were holding me like now and..." He saw the recognition flash across her face. "I give up. When that super soldier rose up from the dirt I didn't fight. I just sat there like a damsel in distress waiting to be rescued."

"No damsel in distress would have been able to make it out of the alpha site, hide from a super soldier, rewire a rocket and strike back against her pursuer like you did. I was damn proud of you."

"It didn't feel like it." She laid her head back down on his shoulder and looked back out at the view as they made their third and final pass over the top of the Ferris Wheel. The ride slowed and they were left sitting looking out at the mountains.

"You were with Pete. I didn't want to do anything that would have seemed inappropriate. I guess I tried too hard to keep a professional distance and not hard enough to be the friend you needed." Their car began to move again.

"Are you sure you weren't disappointed in me?" She was still looking out at the vista. He held her head and moved her face to look at him.

"I admire you more then I can describe. I worked hard at that moment to not sweep you up in my arms, kiss you, and make you promise to never scare me like that again. I tried so hard I probably did seem aloof."

"Aloof?" She smiled.

"It's not a big word." Theirs eyes locked as the door opened releasing them from the ride. Sam stepped out followed by Jack.

"It's time to go, Carter."

"But we could do the mega slide again, sir."

"Not today. We have another appointment and we don't want to be late." Sam knitted her brow in confusion but let him lead her back to his truck. She buckled her seat belt as he closed her door and went around the truck to his door.

"So where are we headed?"

"It's another surprise."

"You seem full of them today."

"Are you telling me I'm full of it, Carter?"

"I'd never say that, sir." They both smiled as they easily fell back into the comfortable banter they both enjoyed. 


	41. sticks and stones chapter 41

Sticks and Stones Chapter 41:

Sam and Jack both avoid any heavy conversation during the drive into town. As they reached downtown, Jack handed Sam a handkerchief.

"Make a blindfold and tie it around your eyes."

"You have got to be kidding me."

"Would I joke?"

"All the time." Jack gave Sam a mock face of shock.

"Put it on." Sam shrugged her shoulders and began folding the handkerchief. Jack watched her tie it around her eyes. He parked the truck and waved his hand in front of her face.

"I'm not cheating, sir."

"If you're not cheating how did you know I was checking?"

"Because we are just sitting here inside your truck with the windows rolled up and I can feel a light breeze on my face." Jack scowled.

"You really are way too smart for your own good."

"That isn't what you say when I save your ass on missions."

"Now, now, Carter. Such language."

"It happens when I'm blindfolded, sir."

"I'll come around to your side and help you out." Sam felt the seat shift as Jack opened the door and climbed out. The truck shook as he slammed his door. She felt the air hit her as he opened her door. He placed his hand on her arm.

"Step out carefully."

"This would be easier if I could see."

"I'm sure it would be but I'd be having less fun." Sam pursed her lips. She didn't feel even a little sorry when she accidentally stepped on Jack's foot. "Ow. Aren't you going to say something?"

"Not planning on it, sir." The sir was just slightly delayed, which make Jack grin. He led her forward and stopped.

"May I help you?" Jack didn't respond. Sam assumed Jack had to be signaling the girl about something purposely to keep her in the dark. This was getting more annoying by the minute. Jack gently tugged on her arm and they began moving again. The change in air temperature and decreased light filtering through the handkerchief told Sam they had moved indoors. The smell of popcorn gave it a way.

"All this to go to a movie?"

"A movie?" Jack sounded downright disturbed. "This isn't just a movie. Do you want popcorn?"

"Of course." Jack thought for a minute and decided it would be easier to get Sam settled in a seat and come back out for refreshments. He led her into the heart of the theater and picked aisle seats so he could have a bit of extra legroom.

"Promise me you will keep the blindfold on until I take it off."

"Why do I still need it on? I know we are in a movie theater." Jack looked around the room at the other occupants.

"Trust me, you'll spoil the surprise if you look now."

"I trust you, but this had better not be embarrassing."

"If you trust me why are you worried about this being embarrassing?"

"I also know you. Get extra butter and bring plenty of napkins."

"Yes, Madame."

"And I like diet soda."

"I know." Sam could tell by the sound of his voice that he was already walking away. She felt very venerable surrounded by strangers blindfolded. It took all her willpower to not rip off the handkerchief. Flashes of her time being kidnapped ran through her mind as the whispers around her grew louder. She felt the seat beside her shift.

"I think I got enough to get us through the whole movie. I don't want to have to go back out before it's over. It's a good thing we both went to the bathroom before we left the fair." Sam shifted closer to Jack. He felt a slight tremor run through her.

"Sam, are you alright?"

"Maybe a bit paranoid but better now that you are back." Jack felt like a heel. After all the things she had endured over the last eight years he leaves her blindfolded in an unknown situation.

"I'm sorry Sam. It'll ruin the surprise if you take off the blindfold but I'll understand if it'll make you feel better." She wrapped her arm around his arm, almost spilling her drink.

"I'll be alright now that you're back." Jack smiled. He was positive she had never said anything nicer to him before.

"Thanks. Open up." Jack put a few pieces of popcorn in her mouth. "Is that enough butter? The guy thought I was nuts when I kept asking for more."

"Good and soaked, just the way I like it. Can I have some more?" Sam expected him to put her hand in the bucket.

"If you'll open up again." Sam felt his fingers touch her lips as he placed the popcorn in her mouth. She closed her lips and sucked the butter off his fingers. She heard a slight moan from the seat beside her. She grinned as he slid his fingers out of her mouth.

"It's finger lickin' good, sir." Jack didn't have time to respond because the curtain opened and music began to play.

"Recognize it?"

"It does sound familiar."

"It damn well better sound familiar. You can't be American and not love this movie."

"Oh, you have got to be kidding me." Jack reached behind Sam's head and untied the blindfold. Sam looked up at the screen and smiled. "The Wizard of Oz."

"Special showing today." Sam looked around the room. They were surrounded by Dorothys, Tin Men, Scarecrows, Lions, and Ozs.

"I see why the other patrons would have given it away. We stand out a bit, don't you think?"

"No more then we usually do when we step through the you know what."

"Shhhhh." Jack and Sam took the hint and stopped talking. The rest of the afternoon consisted of eating popcorn, sipping soda, and watching a classic movie. Sam felt her face get warm every time their fingers met in the popcorn bucket. It was very junior high school of her, but she began trying to plan making hand contact in the popcorn without looking like it was on purpose.

By the time Dorothy returned to Oz, Sam and Jack had given up on the popcorn ruse and were holding hands. He rubbed his thumb on the back of her hand and she leaned her head on his shoulder. They were very comfortable. Sam was enjoying the normalcy of this. She had always worried that she and Jack wouldn't be able to do normal. Today was proving to her that normal was possible, which opened a whole new host of possibilities for them.

As Dorothy got home, Sam began to dread the end of the movie. She knew when the lights came on this temporary escape would be over. She and Jack would be back to colleagues. The lights came up and Jack let go of her hand and stretched. They collected their trash and headed out of the theater. It was dark when they got outside.

"Can I interest you in some dinner?" Jack held out his arm to Sam and she placed her hand on his elbow, allowing him to escort her back to his truck.

"What do you have in mind?"

"Mexican?"

"Lots of cheese after a ton of butter sounds like a great idea." Sam smiled as he opened the truck door for her.

"My favorite Mexican restaurant is across town. Is that alright with you?"

"Absolutely." They grinned at each other as they buckled their seatbelts. 


	42. sticks and stones chapter 42

I know the delay has been long and I am so sorry. I have not given up on this series. Late in November my back began to hurt. Within days, the pain had moved into my left leg and I was fairly incapacitated. By the end of work each day, I was wiped and writing just wasn't happening. In mid-December I had what the doctor called a massive herniated discs fixed in my lower back. I am now able to sit upright long enough to write some. I will get back to posting but it will be slower since I also have to catch up at work. I hope you all had great holiday and a wonderful new year.

Sticks and Stones Chapter 42:

"I owe Daniel big time." Jack smiled at Sam.

"And why is that?" Sam took another bite of her enchilada.

"For getting us to do this." Jack waved his fork back and forth between them.

"It has been great. Can I ask you a question about Daniel?"

"Sure."

"A few weeks ago he came over to my house to cheer me up. During that conversation, he admitted to dressing up in an attempt to cheer you up once. He wouldn't tell me what he dressed up as." Jack leaned back in his chair and grinned.

"I doubt he would like me telling you this."

"If you tell me what he dressed up as for you then I'll tell you what he dressed up as for me."

"How do I know it's worth it?"

"Even Teal'c couldn't keep a straight face."

"He brought Teal'c with him when he came to see me too. I guess it makes sense though. If a nerd got caught out on the street dressed like that with out protection it could end up bad."

"Just tell me." His eyes glittered.

"Are you sure you won't tell him you know because if he finds out he'll know I told?"

"I won't say a word as long as you won't."

"Ok, it was Mary Steenburgen." Sam began to laugh aloud.

"That must be why he had the wig!"

"A brown wig?" Jack leaned forward, enjoying seeing Sam so happy.

"Yeah, he wore the wig, a skirt and a white lab coat to be Janet." Sam wiped her eyes.

"Janet? Why would that cheer you up?" Jack screwed his face up in confusion. Sam took a deep breath.

"He thought it would help if I had a friend, a girlfriend, to talk with."

"Did it work?"

"Yeah, I talked to him a lot that night, after he took of the clothes and make-up."

"Blue eye shadow?"

"Yeah!" They both began laughing. "He must have reused the same getup."

"Probably."

"How did you know he was Mary Steenburgen?"

"He had to tell me."

"When did he do this?" Jack looked down at his plate and moved a piece of rice across his plate with his fork. Sam put her hand out and touched his fingers, stilling his hand. "When?"

"Right after you got engaged to Pete."

"Oh." Jack looked up as Sam removed her hand and looked down at her plate.

"He wanted me to know there were still others out there and I wasn't doomed to be alone."

"Did it work?"

"I definitely knew I wasn't desperate enough to go after Daniel in a wig." They both grinned as the waiter brought the bill. Jack laid down enough money to cover the bill and tip. He escorted Sam out to his truck and helped her get into the truck.

"I remember saying yes to him."

"Pete?"

"Yeah."

"Oh."

"I said yes because you didn't stop me." Jack tensed. He pulled the truck off the paved road onto a dirt path. He turned off the engine and put his head down on the steering wheel.

"I knew you wanted me to stop you. I knew what you were asking but I couldn't do it."

"Why not?" Sam released her seatbelt and scooted closer to Jack. She placed her arm around his shoulders and laid her head against his neck.

"I couldn't give you the family you deserve."

"What?"

"Sarah had a tough pregnancy with Charlie. The doctors told her she shouldn't try to have any more children so I had a vasectomy after Charlie was born." Neither Jack nor Sam moved.

"You could have told me. There are other options. Janet was no less a mother because she didn't give birth to Cassie."

"I know but I didn't want to be why you had to give up that dream."

"Wait a minute. This doesn't make any sense." Sam let go of Jack and sat up. "I've already been pregnant with your child, since your vasectomy." 

"When you told me about our baby I realized the vasectomy must have been reversed during one of my numerous sarcophagus trips. I got the test results back a couple weeks ago. Everything seems to be working fine again. I spent all this time pushing you away, telling you to find someone better for you, when there wasn't any good reason I couldn't have given you everything you deserved. It's my fault we wasted all this time. It's my fault you went after Pete." Sam lifted his head and turned it towards her. She leaned forward and kissed him softly.

"Let's not make the same mistake twice, flyboy." 


	43. sticks and stones chapter 43

Sticks and Stones Chapter 43:

The friction associated with the making out wasn't enough to retard the chill creeping into the truck. Reluctantly, Sam and Jack went back to their seats and buckled their seatbelts. Jack drove towards his place.

"Where are we going now?" Sam smiled at Jack.

"The evening isn't over yet, unless you're tired."

"I can keep up with you any day of the week." Jack smiled but kept his eyes on the road. When they got to Jack's house, he shut off the engine and raced around the front of the truck to open the door for Sam. He held her hand as she stepped out of the truck. It had gotten cooler during their drive and Sam shivered. Jack pulled her close.

"Come here." As his arm came around her shoulders, she shuddered again. Jack thought she was still cold and tried to pull her closer and get to the door faster.

"Oh God!" Sam stopped moving and screamed. Jack stopped as she screamed and he grabbed her shoulders.

"You were hit! I saw you go down and you didn't answer me!" Sam was shaking all over and tears were welling up in her eyes. Jack wrapped his arms around her and held her close as the memory battled for released.

She nodded her head indicating she was ready to walk again. Jack quickly got her inside, afraid of what was going to come next. He sat her on the sofa and began working on a fire. Just as the kindling sparked, he heard soft sobs behind him. Her turned and saw she was trying to stifle her sobs with a pillow. He threw a couple logs on the partially started fire and moved back to sit with Sam.

"What else do you remember?" He put his arm behind her and tried to hold her but she shook him off.

"I heard Daniel call for help but I ignored him."

"Why did you ignore his call?" Sam shook her head no and pushed her face into the pillow. "Tell me why you ignored his call."

"I needed to check on you." She let him pull her closer.

"And because you knew Danny called for a medic. Your place was on the front line, making sure the medics could do what they needed to do and keeping the path clear for their return. Even after you checked on me and got me the help I needed, you went back to your job. You're a professional and you acted like it."

"It would have been my last chance to talk to Janet."

"But you don't let your emotions control you when the chips are down. Once I hit the dirt it was up to you to keep that mission going and you knew it. If you'd broken down and put Janet above the team none of us would've made it back. You kept control and pulled all of us out. I'm alive because of you."

"And now?" He nuzzled her hair.

"What about now?"

"Does sitting on your sofa wrapped in your arms and loving every minute of it count as keeping my emotions under control?" Jack took a deep breath and slowly released it. Jack needed time to come up with a truthful answer that wouldn't bring this day crashing down around his feet.

"Probably not, but we're not in the field and you're not on duty. I won't be going out with you any more so you won't be in a position to have to choose between the mission and me. I know this is technically wrong of us, but it feels too damn right to not let it happen." He put his head back into her hair and gently kissed her scalp. His right hand began running through her hair. He felt her relaxing against him.

"But you'll be in a position to choose."

"Yes."

"Can you do that?" She lifted her head and looked into his eyes, knowing she would be able to tell if he lied.

"I hope so. I've sure as hell done it before. I've left Danny behind thinking he was going to die, killed you, and shot Teal'c. I also know you'll call me on it if you think I'm making a bad tactical decision." She saw the truth in his words but she was still worried it was to great a burden to put on any man. They sat on the sofa just holding each other. Sam began to relax as Jack kept rubbing her back and shoulders.

"I've known Janet was dead as long as I have been able to remember her but it seems more real now." Jack didn't have a response so he just kept rubbing her back. The wetness on his chest surprised him. Sam rarely cried. Sam only cried when she felt it was safe to be herself. He knew her tears were a complement as well as a needed release.

Jack could tell Sam was getting tired. He coaxed her up and led her to the bedroom. He took her shoes off and convinced her to take off her jeans and put on a pair of his sweat pants. He found her a toothbrush and left her to get ready for bed. He came back a few minutes later to find her awake but in bed. She smiled at him as he walked over and sat on the edge of the bed.

"You get some sleep." He leaned down and kissed her softly on the lips.

"Aren't you going to get some sleep?"

"Later. I'm not tired yet and I have a few things I need to finish before work tomorrow." Sam's face fell.

"Oh."

"As much as I want to Sam it isn't time yet. You still have a few more memories to get back before we can be an us." He leaned over and kissed her again. Her arms flew out from under the covers and wrapped around his neck.

"You're wrong. We've been an us for a long time." Sam released her tight grip on his neck but she kept her arms in place. He sat up and moved her arms down. Her hands were still held in his.

"You're probably right but tonight you're tired and I have to finish this damn paperwork before morning."

"I'm sorry I convinced you to waste your day." Sam had an impish grin on her face.

"You know perfectly well that today wasn't a waste. I couldn't have found anything better to do with my day then be with you." Sam sat up and kissed him. It was a deep kiss full of promises that Jack wished he could immediately collect. When he pulled back, both of their faces were slightly red. He ran his fingers over her lips and stood.

"I'll give you a ride back to your place in the morning."

"That's ok. My car's still parked out front and I remember the way." Sam laid back and settled into his bed. She pulled the covers up, breathed in his scent, and smiled. 


	44. sticks and stones chapter 44

Thanks for the reviews. They really make me feel great. I am almost back to myself so maybe I can keep this series going and get some of my new stories written!

Sticks and Stones

Chapter 44:

Jack was working in his office when he heard the moaning coming from his bedroom. He turned off the computer and the lights in his office. He crept out into the hall and stood outside the door to his room. She wasn't screaming but he could tell she was in distress. He cracked the door and looked at Sam. Her head was lolling back and forth and her face was tense. Jack quietly walked into the room and sat on the edge of the bed.

"Sam. Wake up Sam." Sam's eyes flew open. Her breathing was too fast but she was trying to get herself under control.

"Was it a nightmare or a memory?"

"You were in ice."

"A memory then." Her eyes widened. "I downloaded the ancients stuff again and had to be put on ice until Thor could come and clean my head out." Sam nodded as she sat up.

"I begged you to hold on."

"I heard you."

"I tried to tell you how I felt and you wouldn't let me."

"I didn't think I was going to make it. I didn't want to disrupt the promising life you were building."

"You mean with Pete."

"Yeah." Sam leaned into Jack and he put his arms around her.

"It's late and you're still in your day clothes. Shouldn't you be getting to bed?"

"Probably. It'll only take me a minute to get my stuff and get out of here."

"Please stay." Jack looked at her. He didn't want her making these kinds of decisions until he knew all of her was deciding. 

"I don't want to press this too far."

"I promise to be a good girl." Sam smiled and put on her best innocent face, the one that had gotten her out of lots of trouble with her father.

"I know there is quite a bit of devil in you, but if you're sure I'll be back in a minute." Jack stood and went into his bathroom. Sam lay back down and listened to the running water, the scrubbing of his teeth, the swish of his mouthwash, and the flushing of the toilet. He laid his clothes over a chair as he came back into the room. He was only wearing a pair of sweat pants. Sam felt her heart rate increase as he climbed into bed. She turned towards him as he got into bed.

"So is this an absolutely no touching deal or can we snuggle?" Jack seemed to pondering his answer. He wasn't sure his body could cooperate with snuggling and nothing else. Sam slid over closer to him and her hand came to rest on his arm.

"Jack?"

"I'm trying to decide if I can restrain myself to only snuggling if we start."

"You're a very strong man. You stick with whatever you decide, although if you have trouble sticking to just snuggling I can't promise to be much help." She smiled again but there was nothing innocent about this smile. Jack groaned as he rolled onto his side and she curled against him. His arm slid around her waist and her neck laid over his other arm. He hadn't spooned in years but it came back to him quickly. Her hands found his and her fingers twisted around his.

When the clock alarm turned on the radio the next morning Jack and Sam weren't touching. They had moved apart during the night, as will happen to two people who are not accustomed to sharing a bed. Jack slid over and reached over Sam to turn off the alarm.

"Morning, beautiful." Sam smiled at him and rolled so she was lying under him.

"Morning." Her hands came up to his bare chest and she ran her fingers through the hair covering his chest. He leaned down and kissed her. It was supposed to be a chaste good morning kiss but Sam pushed the envelope and deepened the kiss. Her hands never stopped playing with his chest and stomach muscles.

"What a way to wake up." He smiled at Sam. "I'll get a quick shower so I can say good-bye before you go." Sam tried to grab him around the neck but he vaulted off the bed and sprinted to the bathroom. Sam sighed and got up to find her clothes from the day before. She went to the kitchen and made coffee. Jack gave her a light kiss before she left. She was both disappointed their night was so tame and excited they had made so much progress towards a relationship outside the bounds of the military.

Sam showered, dressed, and raced to the SGC. Projects had been piling up and she needed to plan SG-1s next off-world mission. There were several planets she needed to review, based on MALP and UAV telemetry, to determine where they should head next. One of the planets seemed to have a somewhat primitive society about 12 clicks from the gate. She knew that would be perfect for Daniel. He had spent too much time over the last few years having to be a soldier and not an archeologist and linguist. He deserved to have some first contact experiences again.

Daniel and Teal'c arrived in her lab at lunchtime. They went through the commissary line together, joking and laughing as Teal'c filled his plate to over filling. Daniel had seen Jack in line ahead of them. It wasn't often Jack had a chance to eat with SG-1 so Daniel made a bee line for Jack's table as soon as he finished deciding what to get for lunch. Sam hung back until Teal'c had finished filling his tray. 

Daniel and Sam sat down together as Jack and Teal'c went to get drinks. Teal'c got himself several glasses of water and a cup of coffee for Daniel. Jack got himself a glass of milk and a diet coke for Sam. 

"Milk, Jack?" Daniel looked at his friend.

"I can't explain it Daniel. I just had a craving." Jack smirked.

"Are men supposed to have cravings?" 

"Only real men." Daniel returned Jack's comments with a tilt of his head showing his exasperation at not having a suitable retort. 

"Colonel Carter has something disturbed you?" Teal'c paused in his eating as Sam sat transfixed by the glass of milk.

"Did I ever live on a farm with Pete?" All three men seemed confused by her question.

"Did I?" Sam was clearly getting very upset. Daniel turned towards her and put his hands on her shoulders.

"No, why do you ask?"

"I remember being near a barn with him. He said I had gone crazy at the SGC and we had moved out to live on a farm. He made me breakfast and then..." Sam's eyes widened.

"Sam?" Daniel scooted closer, trying to protect her from the eyes peering at them from around the commissary.

"It wasn't him. He wouldn't do that. He wouldn't get angry like that. He wouldn't yell at me. He wouldn't give everything up for me. He wouldn't..." Sam stood and ran out of the commissary. Daniel followed her. Jack and Teal'c packed up the lunches and followed as quickly as possible.

Jack and Teal'c found Daniel sitting on the floor with Sam in her office. They heard her sobbing. Jack put the food on her bench and went to sit on her other side.

"You never went into much detail about what happened to you while you were with Fifth." Sam turned her tear-swollen eyes to him.

"He put his hand in my head and walked me down a trail of horrors, not all mine." Jack sucked in a breath. He and Teal'c held enough memories to cause anyone to go insane. He couldn't stand the thought of his memories being used to torture Sam. Jack's head fell back and hit the wall. Daniel took over.

"You can tell us now Sam." Her eyes widened in fear.

"No. No, No, No!"

"Ok, Ok. You don't have to. Sorry." Daniel reached out for her but she put her hands up stopping him.

"Please just leave me be for a while." She pulled her knees up and rested her arms and head.

"No, Sam. You were alone then but you aren't alone now." Teal'c came and settled on the floor in front of his three best friends.

"I concur. This time we are together and, as is best, we will face this as a team." 


	45. sticks and stones chapter 45

Sticks and Stones

Chapter 45:

Walter came looking for Jack but when he saw all three men sitting with Colonel Carter he realized he needed to clear General O'Neill's calendar for the day. Walter quietly put out the word and no one bothered SG-1.

Sam told them of the images placed in her mind and the nightmares brought forth from her own memories thanks to Fifth. Jack flinched and paled repeatedly since many of the images not from her mind were from his. She told them that she told Fifth it hadn't been her choice to leave him. He had used Jack's memories to hurt her because he was sure it had been Jack's decision to leave him. He also knew Sam was still friends with Jack and he hoped knowing some of the things had had suffered and done might change her view.

As she talked, she began to realize that Fifth had employed torture techniques based on what had been done to Jack in numerous situations. The farm had also come from Jack's mind, although since Sam had never told him about it, he hadn't filled in this piece for her until today. His mom's parents had the farm and his dad's parents had the cabin by the lake. He spent his summers going between the two. He had actually had a normal and loving upbringing, not necessarily the norm among his black-ops trained comrades.

As Sam talked, Daniel and Teal'c reintroduced the food brought from the commissary so the quartet snacked through the entire conversation. Jack and Daniel would on occasion reach out and rub Sam's back, leg, or arm to show their support. Teal'c nodded and bowed his head often.

As the afternoon moved towards evening, Sam grew tired and Jack got restless. Daniel offered to see Sam got home and fed. Jack made his way back to his office and Teal'c decided he really needed a large dinner. Sam gave each of the guys a hug and thanked them for taking the whole afternoon off to help her work through her latest memory. Sam was also thankful the guys had let her avoid any discussions of what Fifth had shown her about Pete.

Daniel and Sam stopped and had sandwiches and soup from Pierre's before going to Sam's house. Daniel hung out for about an hour before Sam not so subtly made it clear she wanted to take a long hot bath before going to bed. Daniel kissed her cheek before he walked out the door and reminded her she could call him at any time. He waited out front until he heard the lock click.

Sam took her long hot bath, dressed in her softest pajamas, and sat on her bed. She picked up the handset of her phone and looked at it. She passed it back and forth from hand to hand, as if she was playing hot potato with herself. She took a deep breath and pushed the on button. She got partially through dialing the number and then hung up. The third time she tried, she finished the number and let it ring once. She was moving her thumb to press the off button when she heard his voice.

"Hello?" Sam's throat constricted. "Sam? Is that you?"

"Yeah."

"There for a minute I thought my caller id must be playing games with me. How are you?"

"I'm ok. How are you, Pete?"

"Better now." Sam smiled.

Jack plowed through the backlog of paperwork. It didn't take him long to realize that Walter had separated the mundane from the important pieces. That little guy had turned out to be more important then Jack had ever given him credit for being. He seemed to be the SGC's equivalent of Thor in terms of making Jack's life easier.

Jack looked up at the clock realizing it had gotten late. He reached for his phone and wondered if Sam was still awake. He knew he couldn't say all the things he wanted to say on the SGC phone, but he would still like to say good night. He was worried the memories she now carried would prevent her from sleeping. He hated the thought of causing her distress, even unintentionally. 

He dialed her number and got a busy signal. He knew she hadn't gotten any of the fancy features on her phone because she wasn't home enough to justify the cost. He decided to try again later. Jack stood and stretched his sore back muscles. His trip to the coffee maker was interrupted by the common, but still important, announcement that there was an unscheduled off world activation.

Jack went to the control room and waited behind the sergeant working second shift.

"Tokra IDC, sir."

"Open the gate, sergeant." Jack watched as the iris opened. The guards in the gateroom stayed ready to fire, awaiting Jack's order. Jacob stepped through the gate and smiled.

"At ease." Jack let go of the mike as the wormhole disengaged and went down the steps.

"It's good to see you again Jacob."

"I got back last night from a prolonged undercover operation and found you had been leaving me messages with every Tok'ra with whom an SGC person made contact. What's so urgent?"

"It's actually not so urgent anymore, although I doubt you'll agree when you hear the whole story. Come on up to my office." Jack led the way upstairs, stopping to get his coffee.

"Is it Sam?" Jacob sat in the chair across from Jack's desk.

"Yes." Jacob was wringing his hands. "But she's doing fine now. I'm sorry to report you missed the worst of it already."

"What happened?"

"She was stoned by a bunch of primitive asses who like to dominate women. We barely got her out in time. She suffered severe brain trauma which resulted in memory loss."

"How much of her memory was lost?"

"She didn't even know her name when she awoke. It took her a while to regain the control of her right side and learn to speak and read again. She worked hard with her therapists and was cleared for full duty a few weeks ago. You'd never know she'd been injured based on how well she's doing now."

"Thank God."

"The memories are taking longer to resurface. The doctors told us to start with her oldest memories. We couldn't get Mark involved, because we weren't sure when her SGC memories would return and how she would react. Daniel, Teal'c and I sort of winged it to help her get back her childhood memories. There may still be a few missing but maybe seeing you will get those back."

"As she gets these memories back does she end up reliving them?"

"Sometimes and some are worse then others."

"I wasn't here for her when she remembered her mother's death." Jacob looked down at his hands.

"No, but Daniel said she handled it well after the initial shock wore off. She's had a lot of ugly things resurface, and she been a real trooper. You'll be real proud to see how well she's handling this."

"So how much does she remember now?"

"Today she made it to when Fifth captured and tortured her." Jack ran his hands through his hair. "It was a long afternoon and to be honest I felt guilty just letting her go home. It turns out Fifth had taken memories of mine and Teal'c's and used them along with some of her own memories to torture her."

"Based on what I've read in your file, and what the Jaffa have to do every day, I can assume those were graphic and terrifying memories. She dealt with that and never told anyone."

"I think she wanted to prevent us from feeling responsible for her pain."

"That's my girl." Jacob grimaced.

"She could probably use you tonight. I tried calling her a few minutes ago but I got a busy signal. Let me try again." Jack picked up the phone and pushed redial. He got a busy signal again.

"Her car's still in the lot since Daniel gave her ride home. I'll see you back here in the morning."

"Thanks, Jack. For everything, but especially for taking care of her when I couldn't." Jacob gave Jack one of his strong, yet masculine, hugs and left his office so he could change clothes and get over the Sam's. 


	46. sticks and stones chapter 46

Sticks and Stones

Chapter 46:

The knock on her door surprised Sam. It was either very late or early, depending on your point of view and not an ideal time for visitors. She figured it was probably Jack, needing to be sure she was all right. She got up, continuing her conversation with Pete, and went to the door. She looked out the peephole and smiled.

"Pete, I gotta go. My Dad just got here." Sam opened the door as she said goodnight to Pete. As soon as her father stepped into the house, they grabbed each other in a fierce hug.

"I've missed you kiddo. I'm sorry it's been so long. I was on one of those extended undercover vacations."

"I understand Dad. I'm glad you're here."

"Jack tried to call and let you know I was coming but the phone was busy." Sam stepped back and let her Dad into the hall so she could close the door.

"Yeah, sorry. I had a lot of catching up to do and I guess the time got away from me."

"Jack told me about your head injury and the memory loss. He said you're doing really well." Sam and her Dad settled on her sofa. She pulled her feet under her and leaned into his embrace.

"Better every day." Sam smiled and Jacob sighed.

"But there's still more to do?"

"Yeah, but I'm getting there."

"How about we both get some sleep and then we spend the next few days together, just the two of us."

"I'd love to Dad but SG-1 is on the rotation to go out in two days and I still need to prep for the mission."

"I'll talk to Jack. I'm sure your mission can wait while we catch up." Sam wanted to spend time with her dad, but she was also anxious to get back through the gate. Each time she broke down, like today at lunch, it made her feel less capable of getting back to be her old self.

"How about if you come with us?"

"You mean go on a mission with you?"

"Yeah, we're looking at going to a nice calm populated planet where we can get back to doing some real first contact type stuff. I'm sure General O'Neill would approve."

"Do I have to sleep in a tent?"

"Yes." Sam smiled. She knew how much her father hated camping. "You even get to eat the MREs."

"Oh, lucky me. I guess it's better then sitting around here while you go off without me." Jacob hugged Sam and stood up. "But for now, I'm exhausted and you should have been asleep hours ago." He held his hand out to help Sam off the sofa and they made their way to bed.

The next morning Sam and Jacob had breakfast in the commissary. Jacob watched every sip of coffee Sam took with envy.

"I forgot you were staying off the coffee for Selmac?"

"Yeah, what made you remember that?"

"You're looking at my coffee cup like I look at a Hershey's bar after three weeks off world."

"Oh, sorry." Jacob grinned, probably having an internal conversation with Selmac explaining Sam's love of chocolate. Daniel and Teal'c joined them. Daniel sat right beside Jacob, increasing Jacobs coffee envy.

"Jacob, is there something wrong?"

"Huh?"

"You keep sniffing my coffee." Sam busted out laughing. She was almost in tears by the time Jack showed up, bringing another cup of coffee.

"Carter, you ok?" Sam was trying to get her breath back and couldn't speak so she just nodded yes while Jacob glared at her. Daniel looked confused and Teal'c just kept eating. Jack slid in beside Carter and began eating, while glancing towards her as she recovered.

"I have a favor to ask, sir."

"Go ahead Carter."

"I was wondering if Dad could go with SG-1 on our next mission." Jack looked up at Jacob who was leaning towards Daniel's coffee cup and inhaling.

"Really?"

"Yes." Jack glanced at Daniel and Teal'c who both subtly indicated it was fine with them. Sam was glad she had mentioned it to both of them before breakfast.

"I don't see any reason to say no as long as Jacob agrees that he's under your command for this mission." Jack looked over at Jacob who was trying to act as if he hadn't been sniffing Daniel's coffee.

"Absolutely Jack. It's not like Sam hasn't been the one in control since she was a little girl." Sam snorted and looked shocked. The rest of the men chuckled.

"I don't know how you managed it every day Jacob. Raising a kid so much smarter then you has to be tough."

"Let me tell you it was one...what?" Jacob's eyes widened as what Jack said registered in his head. Everyone at the table, except Jacob, began laughing, even Teal'c. Jacob just nodded.

"I'll remember that Jack."

Jacob, Sam, Daniel, and Teal'c looked over the two remaining first contact planets and went with the one that had a milder climate and slightly less advanced populace, more fun for Daniel. They prepared a briefing for the next morning and went out for dinner. Sam loved having her dad around. He told too many stories about her childhood at dinner but for once, she didn't interrupt him. Many of the stories felt new to her and they were helping her recall more of her childhood. Teal'c and Daniel even joined in by telling some of the happier moments from their respective pasts. Near the end of dinner Sam even remembered a story about Jacob her grandmother had told her when she was a child.

"There's one person at this table who hasn't told any stories about himself as a child." Daniel and Teal'c smirked as Jacob's eyes widened. "I remember grandmother telling me about you climbing out on a roof once when you were a child." Jacob blushed slightly.

"If I remember correctly you had taken her sewing scissors and given yourself a haircut. You wanted a buzz cut like your dad but she hadn't let you get it because it was winter. You took her scissors and gave yourself a four year old version of a military cut." Daniel snickered. Jacob looked down at his empty plate and grinned.

"When she found out what you'd done you ran off, scissors in hand, trying to get away. You climbed out of your window onto the roof over the porch and refused to come back into the house. If I remember correctly you were in your pajamas and it was snowing."

"Sounds about right." Jacob shook his head.

"Grandmother had to call Granddad to come home and get you back in because you refused to budge. You got your buzz cut and a spanking that night." Daniel was laughing and Teal'c smirked.

"At least we know where you get your stubborn streak, Carter." Sam and Jacob turned around to see Jack standing behind them. 

"Sorry I missed dinner. There was a bit of a situation I had to resolve first. Everything's fine now. Is there still time for me to get a drink and maybe hear a few 'Carter as a kid' stories?"

"Drinks, yes. Stories no, sir."

"Ah, Carter. You really know how to disappoint a man." Jack grinned as he pulled an empty chair up to the table and beside Sam. Jack looked around the table and noticed everyone was drinking lemonade, soda, or water. His old team knew better then to drink the night before a mission. Of course, those rules no longer applied to him so he ordered a beer.

Sam glowed surrounded by her men. Jack loved seeing her so happy. She felt him squeeze her knee under the table. She looked at him and they shared a smile. A smile Jacob noticed but chose to not mention. 


	47. sticks and stones chapter 47

My intention was to keep this series running as long as the show ran (or until my wish for Sam and Jack to become a couple became true) but you have been asking for an ending and I live for my fans (and the reviews). So begins the ending of Sticks and Stones!

Sticks and Stones Chapter 47:

"SG-1 and Dad, you have a go." Jacob smirked up at Jack. Sam grinned and shook her head. Teal'c raised an eyebrow and Daniel snickered.

They arrived to find the planet just as the MALP had shown them, sunny with a forest of tall pine trees in front of them. There was a well-used path leading into the forest. Sam let the SGC know they had successfully made it through and set the MALP so it could be used to send messages back to the SGC later.

Sam took point. Teal'c brought up the rear. Daniel pestered Jacob as they made their way towards smoke, indicating a village. Jacob had never been so happy to see a village! Daniel did his 'we are friendly explores' bit and it wasn't long before they were all sitting in a hut admiring the fine cloth made by the natives.

Night fell a few hours after SG-1 arrived, so after a meal with the rulers they quickly set up camp, just outside the village. Jacob and Sam decided to share the first two watches and Daniel would take the last watch, so he could make coffee.

"So...Sam."

"Dad."

"How about you tell me about the last mission you remember?"

"I guess the guys have enlisted you into the gang."

"Gang?"

"The help Carter remember everything gang."

"Yeah, they gave me a bit of coaching on how to get your memories flowing freer."

"Off-world isn't really the best place for me to be exploring my memories."

"Why not?"

"Some of them are tough and I can't be reliving nightmares while trying to keep watch."

"Touché."

"I can now remember Jack becoming a General and taking over command of the SGC. It's too bad you weren't here. He could have used some extra torture." Sam smiled.

"Not a smooth beginning?"

"Hardly. General Hammond planted a mole to watch him. As he was getting ready for the President to visit, everything sort of crumbled around him. Teal'c, Daniel, and I missed most of it, while we were sitting in one of Anubis' secret abandoned bases, but Walter tells great stories."

"Like?"

"Apparently one of the teams brought back these super growing plants that the science teams thought might cure world hunger. They got a bit excited and skipped a few protocols we normally use with alien life-forms, and the plants began to take over the base." Jacob chuckled.

"Walter says Jack actually suggested using the things to make salads and cutting the commissary budget to make-up for the cost of the propane they were using to try and retard the plants growth."

"That sounds like Jack alright. Out of curiosity, when exactly did he become 'Jack' to you?" Sam blushed and looked away from her father. She was pretending to be checking the perimeter but he knew better.

"Sam?"

"We've been talking lately."

"Talking?"

"Things were different while I was recuperating. In the beginning, I didn't remember who I was let alone who he was or our respective positions. Heck, until a few days ago I didn't even really remember my last promotion or his."

"I see."

"Do you really?"

"Yes, Sam I do. This isn't new, you know."

"What do you mean?"

"There've been hints of feelings between you and Jack as long as I've known you both. I hated the way you looked at him when I first met him in Washington. I thought he'd taken advantage of a young naive female officer when I saw the way you looked at each other. George reassured me that neither of you would consider such a move. It was a while before I began to see what George meant." Sam's face had turned bright red.

"You really thought I could so easily fall for my CO and do something to jeopardize my career?"

"I kept thinking about how far things went with Jonas before you wised up."

"That was different. He wasn't my CO."

"I know, but he pulled the wool over your eyes for months. I was worried you hadn't learned your lesson and was falling for the same type of guy."

"Jack's not a lunatic." Jacob gave Sam a 'are you sure' look. "He's different but not crazy, at least not like Jonas."

"I guess different is a safe way to describe it. That still doesn't tell me how you feel about him now."

"I care about him...a lot."

"Do you love him?" Sam looked up at the stars.

"If I do, you aren't going to be the first person I tell." Jacob was shocked for a moment before he realized she meant Jack.

"Understood." Jacob put his hand on Sam's. He smiled as she curled her fingers with his.

"How about some more stories about Mom and Mark. I honestly don't remember as much about them as I'd like."

-

"SG-1, it's good to see you back unharmed and on time. Debrief in one hour." SG-1 nodded and made their way to the infirmary and showers as usual. Jacob separated from the team and went up to Jack's office.

"Come in." Jack was surprised to see Jacob.

"Can I have a minute?" Jack stood up and motioned towards a chair.

"Of course. What's up?"

"Sam and I had a chance to talk while we were away."

"Good. I hoped a little bonding might occur while you were off-world."

"She's torn Jack. I'm worried she's in a very vulnerable position right now."

"I know Jacob."

"Give her the space she needs to make her own decisions, even if they're different then the ones she made in the past."

"I'm trying but it's...hard."

"I know, but she needs to do this on her own. She needs to take ownership of her decisions and her future while discovering her past."

"Do you think I've done something that's making this more difficult?"

"No, based on what she said you seem to be doing fine. I just thought it couldn't hurt to remind you of what's on the line."

"I remember every day. Every time I see her I know what's on the line." Jacob stood.

"Now that I've had my say I'd better get to the infirmary and shower before my daughter figures out I'm interfering."

"Thanks Jacob. I think." Jack watched Jacob leave and sighed. He could only hope being patient would continue to pay off. 


	48. sticks and stones chapter 48

Sticks and Stones Chapter 48:

Jacob spent two days with Sam before he was recalled by the Tok'ra. They'd eaten at all of Jacob's favorite restaurants, so Sam decided she needed to go out for a run or risk gaining too much weight. She was running through the park when she felt someone run up behind her. The military commander in her kicked in and she prepared herself for a fight.

"Hey, beautiful. Come here often?" Sam relaxed slightly at the sound of his voice.

"Whenever I'm in town." She glanced over at Pete as he caught up with her.

"In town, huh?" He grinned back. "I went to your house but there was no answer. Since your car was out front, I figured you were out here. I drove around and parked back there."

"I wanna finish this run. Meet me back at my place." He nodded. "I won't be long."

"See ya' soon." Pete slowed and turned back towards his car, smiling as he walked. Sam made it back to her place, took off her tennis shoes at the door, and found Pete in her kitchen. He poured her a glass of cold water and watched her drink.

"Let me get a quick shower and then we can talk." She put the glass on the counter.

"A shower?" Pete stepped closer. Sam put up a hand.

"Slow down, cowboy. I'll be back soon." Pete grinned and shrugged his shoulders.

"I'll be waiting." Sam left him in the kitchen. She stripped off her wet t-shirt, sports bra, shorts, panties and socks. She got into the hot shower and lathered shampoo in her hair. Memories of being with Pete assaulted her as she bathed. They went to the movies, danced, had diner out, got passionate against the wall in the living room, in her bed, in her kitchen, and on the sofa. She grinned, apparently no place in her house was safe.

She got out of the shower and toweled off. She went into her bedroom and picked out a pair of jeans and a sweater.

"How much longer must a man wait?"

"Until the woman is done, if he's smart." Sam shook her head and grinned. She brushed her hair and checked her reflection in the mirror. She glanced down at her jewelry box and then her left hand. She opened the box and looked at the ring that had been mocking her for months. She picked it up and placed it in her pocket. She walked out into the living room.

"How about lunch out and then a stroll through the park?"

"That sounds nice." Sam got her wallet and keys. She opened the front door and let him leave. They walked across the park to a nearby deli. She had pastrami and he had roast beef.

"I've missed you Sam. We had plans and all of a sudden they disappeared."

"I know. It wasn't fair to you and I'm sorry."

"How much of us do you remember now?"

"Dates and such. Did you ask me to marry you in the park?"

"Yeah, we were surrounded by kids playing. I thought that was perfect since we both wanted to try to have kids as soon as possible." Sam smiled. She still felt a desire to have children.

"I didn't say yes, did I?" Sam frowned. She looked up at him and saw the sorrow and disappointment cross his face.

"Not immediately. It was a big step and I understood you needed time. You told me yes later, in a warehouse after a firefight to free Daniel."

"Doesn't sound real romantic?"

"The ambiance was less important than the message." He reached out and held her hand. He paid for lunch, stood, and put out his elbow. She put her hand on his arm and he escorted her out of the deli back into the park.

"I hope one day soon you'll be ready to wear our engagement ring again. I still love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you." Pete placed his left hand over Sam's as she held onto his right arm. They looked like the perfect couple walking through the park. She stopped and pulled him towards a bench. He sat down as she reached into her pocket and pulled out the ring. She ran her fingers over the ring as she sat down.

She heard him gasp slightly as she ran her fingers over the ring. She stared at it and then his face. He schooled his face quickly but not before she saw the anger flit across his features. She looked intensely at the ring.

"This isn't the ring you gave me is it?" Pete's eyes widened.

"Don't be silly. How many engagement rings do you think you have?" He grinned, trying to pretend to be calm. Sam looked around the park. Her muscles stiffened.

"I broke up with you...over there on the swings." Sam's turned accusing eyes towards Pete.

"You're remembering this wrong. We were perfect together." Sam stood.

"So who gave me this ring?" Pete stood beside her.

"Don't do this Samantha. We're right for each other. I've been waiting for you to remember for so long." He reached out and put his hands on her shoulders. "We're meant to be." He tried to pull her close and kiss her but she back away and pulled out of his grasp.

"You were using my injury to try and get me back. You knew I ended it but you thought I might not remember." There was fury in her eyes.

"Do you remember why you ended it?"

"No." Sam's voice was soft but firm.

"Then there isn't any reason why we can't pick up where you remember and try again. We were happy and we can be now if you'll just let us."

"It's not that easy and you know it. I will remember." Sam took three steps back. "I'm sorry it didn't work out back then. We can't change that."

"We can." Pete took one step towards Sam.

"No. Go before I get home." Sam turned and walked away. Sam walked around the park, giving Pete a chance to get his car and leave. When she got home, she knew what she needed to do. She got her keys and headed straight for Daniels.

She pounded on his door without interruption. She heard him yell but she didn't stop knocking. He jerked the door open, ready to yell at the offending knocker but stopped short when he saw her face.

"Come in, Sam." Sam pushed past him.

"What have you been hiding from me?" Daniel walked into his living room and watched her pace.

"What are you talking about?" Sam pulled the ring out of her pocket.

"This isn't the ring Pete gave me. Who gave me this ring?" Sam was screaming hysterically. Daniel flinched at the intensity of her words.

"You know I can't tell you that. It'll come to you." Sam seethed.

"Was I supposed to sleep with Pete again while all of you waited for me to remember I broke it off with him?" Daniel's mouth flew open and his eyes widened.

"Did you?" Sam stared at him as her anger boiled over.

"No." Daniel released a breath he didn't realize he'd been holding.

"We have faith in you Sam. We knew you'd work it out." Sam sat on his sofa and tears began to flow from her eyes.

"But that's just it. I haven't figured out a damn thing! I almost let Pete join in me in the shower only to remember a few hours later that this isn't the ring he gave me and I broke it off with him." Sam was openly weeping and it was making Daniel nervous. He sat close to her and put his arm around her.

"Am I in love Daniel?" His grip on her shoulder tightened.

"Yes."

"Is it someone I know now or do I still have to remember him?"

"Sam..." Sam's head flew up and her eyes pierced Daniel's soul.

"Don't screw with me Daniel!"

"You know him well." Sam looked back down at the ring and stood. She moved to the door and gripped the handle.

"Where are you going?"

"Home."

"What are you going to do?" Daniel walked up behind her but he refrained from reaching out to her.

"Remember." Sam opened the door and walked out. Daniel watched her get in the car and leave. He went into the kitchen and picked up his phone. It rang twice before it was picked up.

"Hello."

"He tried to get to her again but she remembered before they went too far. She knows the ring isn't from Pete. She's pissed because I won't tell her who gave it to her."

"Where is she now?"

"She went home, determined to remember how she got that ring."

"Thanks for letting me know."

"What are you going to do?"

"I don't know." Daniel heard the click that indicated the other person had hung up. He sighed and pushed the off button on the phone. His afternoon was ruined now. He was going to spend the rest of the day worrying about both of them. 


	49. sticks and stones chapter 49

Sticks and Stones Chapter 49:

Sam paced around her living room. Her fingers felt raw from rubbing the damn ring that was slowly driving her mad. It had to be from Jack, right. Who else would have given her a ring? He had taken such good care of her since she was injured. He'd been there through it all. So had Daniel and Teal'c she reasoned. Was he just a teammate or had they finally given in and become more? 

She put the ring back in her jewelry box and changed into sweats. She laced up her tennis shoes and closed the door behind her as she left. She had to run off this frustration and think about her past. Instead of returning to the park she ran on the sidewalks that snaked through the suburbs. She ran further then she had ever explored and soon found herself in unfamiliar territory. She wasn't scared, just annoyed that she now had so far to go in order to get home.

Pete watched from the park as she returned in her car and then left on foot. Pete watched as he knocked on her door and didn't get an answer. Pete watched as he dialed his phone and heard the unanswered ring from inside her house. Pete watched as he paced outside and finally gave up. Pete smiled. Pete knew he had more patience and was therefore more deserving.

Sam went straight to her bedroom and dumped all of the nasty sweats into the dirty clothes hamper. She took a quick shower and then filled the tub with hot steaming water. She soaked in the tub and closed her eyes. She remembered the replicator version of herself and shuttered. Jack and Teal'c had tried hard to convince her it hadn't been her fault but she lay there knowing they were wrong. She'd been acting with her heart and not her brain and she lost, they all lost.

Jack had come back to her repeatedly, telling her it wasn't her fault, trying to convince her that she didn't have that evil within her. She hadn't believed him and he knew it. She remembered the pain in his eyes as he watched her tearing herself up over her actions, or failure to act. She shook her head and tried to find other memories.

She went to his house, to talk to him. She wanted to push him. She needed to know how he really felt before she went through with her plans to marry Pete. She wasn't ready to give up on him if they still had any chance. She stumbled through her words, as she had done on numerous other occasions until Kerry appeared.

Sam's eyes flew open. Kerry Johnson, she's a member of the SGC Professional Oversight committee. Sam knew instantly that Kerry and Jack were an item. Her heart sank as she realized she'd never gone further with her planned conversation. She'd backed away and left Jack and Kerry together. He was taken. He wasn't free to be with her.

Sam got out of the bath and mechanically dried off and dressed. She wasn't hungry and decided to just go to bed. Her mind refused to go past the fact that Jack had moved on. Logically she knew she was being ridiculous. She went after Pete long before there was a Kerry but her heart refused to accept the logic of that argument. She climbed into bed and turned off the lights. She pulled the comforter up to her chin and let herself cry until the tears wouldn't come any longer. Her nose was stuffy but she didn't care. She felt lost and she wanted to wallow in it for a while.

Pete watched as the light in her house went out. He thought he would give her some time before he went back to try one more time. He was about to move towards her house when his truck pulled up again. This time he didn't knock. He pulled out his keys and entered her dark house. He turned on a hall light and closed the door. Pete knew in that moment that he'd lost. He powered up the car and slowly pulled away, wishing Sam well as the last pieces of his heart shattered.

He stepped inside and turned on a light. Her tennis shoes were near the door. He moved into her quiet house. Everything was incredibly neat, as usual. He walked down the hall towards her bedroom. He could feel and smell the steam from the bath. He sighed. That meant she either had recently been here or was here now. He moved to the door of the bedroom and saw the bulge under the covers. He silently walked across the room and stood beside the bed.

"I've been looking for you." She didn't flinch or move at all when he spoke. She'd heard him enter the house and had known from his footfalls who it was and where he was headed. He wasn't as quiet as he believed but she wasn't going to tell him. 

"It's kinda early for bed, isn't it?"

"I'm tired."

"Oh. Too tired to talk?" Sam lay still. He could feel the wheels in her brain revolving.

"I'll be in the living room in a minute."

"I'll make us some tea." Sam waited until he left the bedroom. She sat up and moved over to the jewelry box. She opened it and looked at the ring. She didn't have any pockets in her pajama pants. She put on a thin robe and placed the ring in the robe pocket. She tied the robe closed and went out to the living room. He was sitting on the sofa and there were two steaming mugs on the table. His eyes roamed from her tousled hair down to her sock covered feet. He smiled and motioned her to sit beside him. Against her better judgment, she accepted his offer. He handed her the mug of steaming green tea.

"Daniel's worried about you. I'm sorry I just let myself in but I came by earlier to check on you but there wasn't an answer."

"I went for a run."

"Did it help?"

"I guess."

"You've remembered something new." It was both a statement and a question.

"How's Kerry?"

"Fine, I guess. She went back to Washington a while ago."

"Does she visit often?"

"No." He reached out and lightly put a hand on her leg. "It's over between her and I." Sam glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. He was intensely starring at her.

"Why?"

"She knew my heart wasn't hers." Sam felt her heart thump a little faster and a little louder.

"Whose is it?" Jack scooted close to her. He put his mug down and took hers from her hand. He placed her mug on the table beside his.

"Yours." He reached up and turned her head so she was facing him. "It took us too long, but we finally made it Sam. I'm yours and your mine." Her eyes filled with tears.

"I don't understand. How?"

"As soon as the President was reelected I requested that SG-1 be placed under General Hammonds supervision. All of your missions are approved by him. He does your yearly reviews. He's retiring soon and I'll be taking over his position. You'll have a new commander and there won't be any chain of command problems soon. Until then we are an exception." Sam's stared at Jack as he scooted even closer.

"You had no idea any of this was happening at the time. Kerry left me when she realized I couldn't commit to her. You left Pete for similar reasons, although you never went into much detail with me about it." Jack shrugged. "We went slowly after the changes began. I think we were scared somebody would change the rules back." Jack's hand caressed her face. His thumb traced her lips. Her eyes closed.

"You finally asked me out." Her eyes opened and she smiled.

"I asked you out?" Her eyes twinkled as she spoke.

"Would you believe I'm shy?"

"Not for a moment." She shook her head as he leaned towards her. Her eyes closed as his lips grazed hers. Her hands moved up to his shoulders. He pulled back and watched her face as she opened her eyes. She reached into her robe pocket.

"Did you give this to me?" Jack stared at the ring. He reached out and ran his forefinger across the beautiful diamond surrounded by sapphires. 

"Yes."

"Did I say yes?" Jack looked into her eyes and kept his hand on hers.

"Yes. The wedding was scheduled for two months ago." His eyes saddened and his jaw tightened.

"We missed our wedding." Sam's face fell. She reached out and touched his leg.

"A small price to pay to get you back whole. The doctors made it clear if we pushed you everything might get scrambled. I wanted to have you back. I needed you." He put his arms out and she sank into his embrace.

"I still don't remember our relationship."

"But you will. Until then, we can start over." His head dropped and nuzzled her neck. She breathed deeply as she was assaulted with memories of the things he'd done to her neck with that mouth. He felt her tense and pulled back to look at her face. He was worried until he saw a familiar grin.

"Some things are coming back to me." His responding grin was feral and possessive. His hands roamed across her back. She looked back down at the ring. "Would you mind if I put this back on?"

"I'd be thrilled. Let me help." He took the ring from her and slipped it onto her left ring finger. He kissed her hand and looked at the ring; glad to see it back where it belonged.

"I love you, Sam."

"I love you too, Jack. I have for a long time. I'm glad I can finally act like it." 


	50. sticks and stones chapter 50

The final chapter! Thank-you all for the wonderful reviews and support! You not only helped me write this epically long story but you kept my spirits up while I healed from surgery!

Sticks and Stones Chapter 50: The epilogue

Sam looked at her reflection in the mirror. It was almost unbelievable. Her dress was an off the shoulder floor length light blue silk gown, an atypical dress for an atypical wedding. Sam knew it was perfect.

"Ready, honey?" Sam looked at her father as he entered the room.

"Absolutely." Sam's smile went from ear to ear. Jacob held out his arm and they stepped into the vestibule of the academy chapel. The doors opened and Sam got her first look at Jack standing up front in his dress uniform. They didn't have any attendants so her view of her husband-to-be wasn't obscured. 

Everyone stood as the music began. Jack couldn't take his eyes off her as she glided up the aisle. It amazed him that a woman who was such a superb soldier could also be so feminine. His heart was pounding and he had to remind himself to breathe. 

Jacob held out her hand and symbolically gave Sam to Jack. Selmac chose that moment to protest on Samantha's behalf for having to participate in such a sexist act. Jacob silently told her to shut up and enjoy the moment. Jack and Sam faced the academy minister. The ceremony happened quickly. The only thing either of them remembered later was seeing the other's eyes and kissing before turning towards the small gathering. 

Sam and Jack picked a weekend when the cadets were being sent home to have the wedding. That made it easier for the President and a few select aliens to attend. Since Mark and his family didn't have clearance, the more alien-looking aliens, like Thor, were restricted to the balcony and the SGC. Mark and his family headed home after a short reception at the academy. The main reception was at the SGC, where Sam and Jack soon headed.

There was dancing, hugging, best wishes, and many laughs at the reception. Sam and Jack enjoyed every minute but they were also happy when it was time to leave for their honeymoon, a week in a deserted castle on a deserted but safe planet. Daniel and Teal'c had spent two weeks sprucing the place up and adding a few security measures, provided by Thor, so Sam and Jack would be forewarned if the planets deserted status suddenly changed.

Sam and Jack changed into less restrictive clothes for the trip through the gate. Jack wore khaki pants with a black button down shirt and boots. Sam wore a sundress with sandals.

"If we meet resistance when we step through the gate will you be able to fight in that?" Jack appreciated the look of her dress but questioned it's appropriateness.

"I'm not wearing BDU's on my honeymoon and neither are you." Sam had picked out Jack's clothes even though he swore he'd be perfectly comfortable in his BDU's.

"I'm just saying..." Jack trailed off as Sam moved closer.

"You'll be amazed what I can do in this dress." Sam grinned and Jack swallowed.

"Are you ready?" Jack wanted to grab her and get to that darn castle now!

"Almost." Sam bent over her bag. Jack could have sworn she gave her rear a bit of a shake. He audibly groaned and she chuckled. "Problem?"

"There will be if we don't get out of here soon." He ran his hands through his hair. Sam decided to stop teasing him. She stood up and handed him her bag.

"Let's go flyboy." They smiled and headed out of the locker room towards the gate. Airmen stationed along the way radioed ahead. When they entered the gateroom it was lined by saluting airmen and the gate was already opened. They walked past the people and up the gate. The last two people they passed were Daniel and Teal'c. Sam hugged Daniel and Teal'c. Jack slapped each of them on the back and thanked them again. They both turned to look back up at General Hammond in the control room and saluted. As they turned back to the gate Jack picked Sam up.

"Jack!" Sam didn't have a chance to say anything else as Jack stepped through the gate. The spectators erupted into laughter, at both the look on her face and his antics. Jack kissed her and put her down as soon as they got to the other side.

"Did you think this would be more helpful then my dress if there were hostiles on this side?" Sam's arm slid around his shoulder and neck.

"General Hammond sent a team to do one last check a few minutes before we left. I felt overly confident." Sam's other hand wandered over his chest and unbuttoned the top button.

"Still feeling overly confident?" He captured her lips in a deep searing kiss.

"Yes." He carried her to their honeymoon chambers. 


End file.
